Is there a place for me?

[Vahlnir]

It's interesting how you mention I do come across as someone with PSD and contradict it by calling me a self diagnoser. Something which would be impossible had I had an actual "disorder"

I haven't been in your shoes, not completely anyway. But I have suffered from depression for years and I also suffered through a series of rather unfortunate events some years back that left me feeling very alone. Thankfully I have overcome that. I think a lot of this comes down to you needing to do some self reflection. You say you have a problem, but you also seem to be in denial that you have one at all. The first step to solving a problem is admitting there is one. Only then can you begin to address it. And I do think that you need to find a way to do so. Can't tell you how, I'm not you. That's largely up to you to decide, and I hope you choose wisely and seek improvement. Everyone deserves friendship and a sense of belonging.

[Sasarayu]

I'm honestly not surprised this happened... the replies and 'advice' most people are responding with I mean. Evidently self disclosing we have autism isn't clear enough for some.
They say we lack empathy - and yet it's mostly those with autism who're showing empathy.

I'm leery about trying to give any advice without knowing you better, but some of what you mentioned I've been through myself - it's never fun or easy.

1st, I'm on Aether datacenter - if you were open to hopping centers I'd be down to hang out.
Just came back from hiatus a month ago myself so I have some catching up to do. I can't guarantee you'd get along with most of the people I hang out with - but we're largely a gaggle of 'neets' and abnormal people. If anyone's putting up with anyone - it's at least mutual. (yeah that's a terrible sales pitch, I don't do retail)

I wouldn't be surprised if that's not an option you'd consider, but if you're looking for others in your center, I personally look for this:

• Seek out people who will be honest or candid with you. This usually only works if you self-disclose granted (but we've both self disclosed so I'm guessing that's not an issue?).
  [/INDENT]
• If you're going to try and find people like you - consider people with ADHD too.
• The few autism groups I've seen or visited, referred to folks with ADHD as 'cousins' for a reason - more 'kissing cousins' I suppose.
• People who self describe as 'neets' can be ok to hang out with. No guarantee because people can be a neet for many reasons - but I seem to mesh well with the ones I know.

There's also a variety of autistic gaming communities online - not really been in any myself, but I doubt there won't be at least a couple people in there that play FFXIV.

We could also add each other on discord if you like.

Too bad we aren't in the same part of the world, meaning awful ping etc. I'm at least glad to find one autistic person who doesn't play advocate for the "neurotypical" majority but understand where my anger comes from and why people turn into monsters from bad experiences with the community.

I would try to find people with ADHD too. Some people even have both, more rare though. I once had a friend in FFXIV who is also autistic. Before he lost interest in the game we basically did all minor content smoothly, with no complaints and somewhat high performance but we couldn't find 6 others like that and his ambition level was lower than mine so we drifted apart eventually. He mostly enjoyed being house clown for the more normal majority in the end and didn't like me swinging at them so violently.

[Driavna]

About WoW vs FF14 raiding: one needs 25 good players the other just 8. In WoW people will deal with you because recruiting for mythic raiding is no joke so guilds a more willing to deal with problematic players because finding a replacement is hard. In FF14 there is no need to deal with anything.

[Nedkel]

Your biggest curse is that, you want to play competitive at high level, but finds out that people doing it are not tolerant for you disability.
This is how it is, to be the top performing you have to be rude and intolerant and very selective as well, because top tier content is demanding and there is no place for a lot of mistakes. My advice for you its to not share your story with them thats it. I would be ostracised as well if i would tell them that i have an ibs and need to take often breaks from the game.

[Driavna]

The problem is not his/her performance as a player, people just don't like to be around him/her.

[Phenidate]

Too bad we aren't in the same part of the world, meaning awful ping etc. I'm at least glad to find one autistic person who doesn't play advocate for the "neurotypical" majority but understand where my anger comes from and why people turn into monsters from bad experiences with the community.

I would try to find people with ADHD too. Some people even have both, more rare though. I once had a friend in FFXIV who is also autistic. Before he lost interest in the game we basically did all minor content smoothly, with no complaints and somewhat high performance but we couldn't find 6 others like that and his ambition level was lower than mine so we drifted apart eventually. He mostly enjoyed being house clown for the more normal majority in the end and didn't like me swinging at them so violently.

As far as the location barrier - I only realized Odin was an EU server after someone mentioned it.
Understandable if you don't want put up with the ping issues - but if you don't have any luck on your side of the globe; there are some options we might try to help with ping issues - not always perfect solutions but I'd like to help.
Right now I'm rich in free time, so feel free to hit me up if you like. My sleep schedule is off to, so I'm likely to be awake when you are anyways.

I'm Autumn#8679 on discord, throw me an invite if you'd like to chat.

On the ADHD thing - I wonder if it's more a difference between ICD and DSM diagnosis guidelines. Here at least, things have changed quite a bit in the past few decades as far as medical science and diagnosis guidelines go at least. I'm unsure if the relation between ADHD to autism (and several other possible disorders) is the same when reversed - it wouldn't surprise me to hear most people with autism don't have ADHD.
You can say you know at least one more person with both though, something I learned not long ago myself honestly.

[Ceridwenae]

You know, you are reminding me of a guy I was in a guild with back in GW2. He could have a really tough time of it with others, but by and large, the guild gave him the room he needed to be himself, without judgment. He was definitely the best player in the guild with no contest and would always have a place in a party. Quite a funny guy too, even though we didn't always see eye-to-eye.

Just off the back of that, I think there is room for you, but you're going to have to make a lot of it yourself. Making this thread helps with that, even though you're not getting the answers you need for the most part. You know that already, however.

Given you want to play the hardcore stuff, I don't know that I can really help you out with your in-game goals (I don't do that stuff). I think you've responded to the best post for your situation thus far and you should run with those suggestions given there. The only other thing I can think of is going to the recent thread where people with disabilities are simply telling each other about those disabilities, including autism. It may not solve your game goals, and though I don't want to speak for the people with autism in that thread because it varies, but perhaps you can get some further specialised tips from them for how to make progress in the upper echelons. That thread is here if you're interested: http://forum.square-enix.com/ffxiv/t...-your-feels%21

I hope you get the people you need to get some clears in. Good luck!

[NefarioCall]

In all seriousness I've often thought about trying to get on to Balmung.
It's not really a joke to say that Balmung is probably the best answer to OPs question.

[Kaelah]

Have you ever thought of making your own LS or FC for folks with autism etc? You're bound to find some other people like yourself. XIV has tons of players, I've known a few who struggle to get along with others too, in fact one is a good friend of mine. We occasionally don't see eye to eye, and I am sometimes offended by him, but it doesn't stop us being friends. I know how he is, I don't try to change him.

[cicatriz313]

I feel like groups that are going for first week/world first clears don't care that much about feelings between each other. Maybe you're looking for a group in the wrong sector (midcore vs hardcore) if you're indeed as talented as you make yourself out to be and are having trouble finding a group with your same values. Or maybe wow is just the game for you.