Is there a place for me?

[Kelani]

My son has a rare genetic disorder "KBG Syndrome" and he has many issues including Autism. He is very abrupt in manor, is quick to get angry, has very extreme bursts of temper tantrums, and also can become very violent. As I said in another topic I am undergoing an assessment to see if I also have autism (something I find hard to talk about because of the way my parents bought me up and made me ashamed of myself). Actually it was my son that urged me to go and see someone because he "recognised" himself in me. And yes we are very alike in personality I admit!

Anyway, the point of this post is because for years I've been worried that my son had no friends due to his personality, his abrupt nature and the fact that he likes to be in control of everything. Since the age of 11 he's attended a very good school for children with ASD and he'll be leaving in around 3 weeks. I still thought that he hadn't made any friends with anyone but a couple of weeks ago he met someone who had left his school the previous year, and they exchanged a hug, their phone numbers and added each other to whatsapp. You wouldn't believe, as a parent, how happy that made me.

So as to whether you "fit in or not" there's going to be someplace that you will do. My son found a group of friends (like me 2 to be precise) that will keep in touch, and when my son has more confidence about travelling independently, he's hoping to arrange to meet them socially. There's going to be people, albeit, maybe only one or two, that will understand you, get you, and want to remain in touch with you! So please don't lose faith and think you're a complete outcast. Good luck on your journey

[JackHatchet]

I haven't read all the posts yet, but there's always a place for a competent raider. You literally have to show up, shut up, perform, and go home. Most raid leaders would kill for someone who was no drama, didn't talk, and always showed up on time.

[Sasarayu]

I haven't read all the posts yet, but there's always a place for a competent raider. You literally have to show up, shut up, perform, and go home. Most raid leaders would kill for someone who was no drama, didn't talk, and always showed up on time.

This is how it works in WoW. When I got kicked from my group in FFXIV I became suicidal and stopped playing out of depression but turned to WoW after nine years. I came from nowhere and was within 6 months adopted by a Mythic raiding guild which also pushed some high keys and I was suddenly progressing deep into Antorus The Burning Throne and met new people who although finding me weird valued me highly. When I got the BfA burnout I had standing invitations from two midcore Mythic prog guilds and an M+ static and people who had played my classes (Mage, Boomkin) for years asked me for advice on how to do the DPS I managed to output.

In FFXIV however, it's more about people liking your personality than anything. They rate you mostly as a human being and this I've experienced in most FC's and raid groups when I was lucky enough to find something for a short time.

If I didn't love the game FFXIV so much I would play WoW instead because the gaming model and community at least makes room for people like myself and I can actually get into high end content fairly easy with my ability as a player.

A concrete example of how intolerant FFXIV is would be my first FC which was Swedish FC on Odin. They had two midcore raid groups with an attitude, both striking a bit out of their weight class and usually clearing Creator-level Savage within 2 months. They never treated me as valuable or interesting, just a "threat" to their prestige and ironically enough during early SB they both found themselves with personel and performance problems. Instead of having built a relationship to that SMN who usually outperformed their own DPS quite noticeably, they were forced to recruit people who weren't up to standards. They could have had a really good SMN but they had to find makeshift solutions instead since they wasted that opportunity by trashtalking and bullying me in HW.

That's the level of arrogance I frequently face in FFXIV. In WoW I was welcomed with open arms by players of the same level, not lectured on my "cancerous personality".

[Vahlnir]

That's the level of arrogance I frequently face in FFXIV. In WoW I was welcomed with open arms by players of the same level, not lectured on my "cancerous personality".

I sympathize with you. That is no doubt pretty rough. I think it largely comes down to a slight difference in communities. In WoW, people don't have to like each other to get things done. Numbers and performances are largely what matters. FF XIV is a bit more social. Statics and FCs often turn into friendships. In WoW you're basically just signing a contract when you join a raiding guild. Then you log in a couple times a week, do what needs to be done and log back off. Not a very social experience.

I think people value a positive personality a bit more over skill depending on the circumstances in this game is all. Skill obviously does matter in higher end content, but considering how much people farm Savage and perhaps Ultimate, they may prefer a more pleasant experience while doing so.

[Nora_of_Mira]

Instead of having built a relationship to that SMN who usually outperformed their own DPS quite noticeably, they were forced to recruit people who weren't up to standards. They could have had a really good SMN but they had to find makeshift solutions instead since they wasted that opportunity by trashtalking and bullying me in HW.

That's the level of arrogance I frequently face in FFXIV. In WoW I was welcomed with open arms by players of the same level, not lectured on my "cancerous personality".

Yeah that sounds like normal behavior from the community. What you call "arrogance" my static calls "peace of mind". Throughout Omega, they kept having to replace their DRG spot due to bad personalities until they found me. They admitted my DPS wasnt as high as their previous DRG but they liked me better as a team player as I came in without an ego and participated in conversation about improving performance and synchronizing strats (normal raid stuff). almost all of my raiding Linkshell agrees they would take a blue DRG over a loud, egocentric, orange DRG.

I read your posts, so I know you dont want acceptance, but this is group oriented content. I think it is implied that participating in group oriented content means meeting people halfway and knowing how to compromise. ....Or you can roll against the odds and find 7 other lone wolves like yourself, good luck.

[Ronduwil]

I simply don't understand myself just HOW extreme I am when others seem to doubt if I'm even real.

Here's one thing you can try: make an extended recording of yourself and forget about it for a month. When the month is up, replay it. Pretend that you're listening to someone else. That may provide insight into how others perceive you.

This is how it works in WoW. When I got kicked from my group in FFXIV I became suicidal and stopped playing out of depression but turned to WoW after nine years. I came from nowhere and was within 6 months adopted by a Mythic raiding guild which also pushed some high keys and I was suddenly progressing deep into Antorus The Burning Throne and met new people who although finding me weird valued me highly.

I feel terrible for you. Experiences like yours make me avoid considering fellow players as real-life friends. Well, in my case it was a guy who hit on my wife knowing full well that she was my wife, but I digress. I recommend that you take some time to step out of the game and find some real-world friends. Even the WoW players seemed to be using you to accelerate their own progression. At least they really valued you on that level, though, and I'm glad it made you feel better.

In FFXIV however, it's more about people liking your personality than anything.

I sympathize because I have a terrible personality. A good personality takes work, and like you, I'm reluctant to put in time and effort to develop one. First, you have to figure out the majority's interests (which is easier said than done because the majority is interested in the dumbest things). That's the easy part. The next step is to educate yourself on those interests. However, that makes the next, most important, part even harder. Now that you can intelligibly discuss their interests, you have to engage them in a conversation about those interests without monopolizing it yourself. This is the hardest part we naturally want to show off our knowledge. However, no one likes to be lectured and educated. They prefer to do the talking. The key to holding an extended conversation is to know enough to remain engaged in conversation without lecturing so much that they disengage.

I would play WoW instead because the gaming model and community at least makes room for people like myself and I can actually get into high end content fairly easy with my ability as a player.

The flip side of that is that in order to play high end content you need to be willing to cut relations with perfectly agreeable players who simply lack the skills and/or time to master high end content. That's actually the reason I left WoW. It's kind of funny that we left WoW for opposite reasons.

[JackHatchet]

Ok. I had time to catch up!

So first thing is. There's a difference between 'being different' and 'being greedy.' An example with the ranting thing. Most people actually do love to complain about stuff. You see it all the time. But the crux with complaining is that it's a give and take system. If you want a community who'll 'listen' to you complain about stuff. You also have to be willing to give that back too, and 'listen' when they complain about stuff. If all you want is a one-sided relationship where all you do is rant, and the group just has to listen and can't expect you to reciprocate--that's a problem. There's nothing wrong with being different--as long as it's fair!

On a personal note. I don't always fit along everywhere either. Mostly because I'm super anti-censorship. I majored in philosophy-ethics, so I blossomed with college debate. Only to find out that like 95% of the internet gets easily offended or emotional before hashing out a legitimate discussion. Which is fine. It's just harder for me to fit in! Fortunately, there's a lot of 'crude' communities out there that are anti-censorship, but they're not also not as good as debate. So there's no perfect solution out there. Luckily for me, I can fill up my social guage like a Sim. I'll get my social fix on the forums, Novice Network, with my wife. Wherever I get it, and then I'm happy. Maybe you just need to find your social fix!

Anyways, I got off-topic. What I meant to say is that there's another option for you--YOU can create your own FC. And then YOU can make up all the rules, and you can get folks like you. But again, be incredibly mindful of that 'selfish' thing. Never be that jerk who demands 95% attention, and barely recognizes that other people want attention too. If you want others to listen--you have to reciprocate as well.

[Soupa]

Been lurking for months on the OF. Logged in to say go outside, stop playing videogames for a while. If you still feel you hate normal people, MMORPGs might now be the best genre to be playing.

[Veis_Alveare]

Logistically I don't know how OP can expect such a group to function?

Leading a raid group is hard because you're taking people with different personalities and bringing them together for a common goal. There will be disagreements but they need to be moved past quickly and maturely if you're going to remain together. In a group of people this argumentative, disrespectful and arrogant (based on the posts he's made thus far) such a group would be lucky to make it through a single lockout much less a tier.

Part of doing a social activity is behaving in such a way that facilitates peace within your camp, whether you're a direct contributor to a conflict or merely a bystander. That's certainly harder for some people than others but it's the way the world works.

OP if you claim your personality disorders aren't real then don't be ruled by them and take responsibility for your own behavior. Act like a person that people can stand to talk to for a few hours a night. Practice makes perfect. If groups can't handle one person acting the way that you do it's clear there's no logic in multiplying those issues by 8.

[Phenidate]

I'm a misfit. A completely socially retarded freak. I have autism. I've been kicked from raid groups, bullied and blocked from what I really want to do in this game, which is PvE, simply because I don't harmonize with normal people.

I end up alone and bitter.

I will never be able to behave the way others want but I'm not a low performing player on average and I do have a server 3rd on O4S before my raid group told me I was AIDS and kicked me.

I play FFXIV everyday and want to find other freaks and misfits, people who are genuinely retarded and hated by others but with some level of skill in this game, to do content with. I've grown allergic to normal people. I can't stand them and they can't stand me. I need to be with people who are super excentric.

I'm not looking for normal people to have pity on me. I've given up trying to adapt to what others want. I can't change who I am. I'm looking for people as weird and deviant as me to actually enjoy the game with.

I'm honestly not surprised this happened... the replies and 'advice' most people are responding with I mean. Evidently self disclosing we have autism isn't clear enough for some.
They say we lack empathy - and yet it's mostly those with autism who're showing empathy.

I'm leery about trying to give any advice without knowing you better, but some of what you mentioned I've been through myself - it's never fun or easy.

1st, I'm on Aether datacenter - if you were open to hopping centers I'd be down to hang out.
Just came back from hiatus a month ago myself so I have some catching up to do. I can't guarantee you'd get along with most of the people I hang out with - but we're largely a gaggle of 'neets' and abnormal people. If anyone's putting up with anyone - it's at least mutual. (yeah that's a terrible sales pitch, I don't do retail)

I wouldn't be surprised if that's not an option you'd consider, but if you're looking for others in your center, I personally look for this:

• Seek out people who will be honest or candid with you. This usually only works if you self-disclose granted (but we've both self disclosed so I'm guessing that's not an issue?).
  [/INDENT]
• If you're going to try and find people like you - consider people with ADHD too.
• The few autism groups I've seen or visited, referred to folks with ADHD as 'cousins' for a reason - more 'kissing cousins' I suppose.
• People who self describe as 'neets' can be ok to hang out with. No guarantee because people can be a neet for many reasons - but I seem to mesh well with the ones I know.

There's also a variety of autistic gaming communities online - not really been in any myself, but I doubt there won't be at least a couple people in there that play FFXIV.

We could also add each other on discord if you like.