Dear Sirs and Madams,
my name's Mr. Kusakabe, retired Lalafell Blackmage and Scholar.
After defeating the Garlean army in what you Earthlings call "mid-2014" I offered my service to random groups in form of roasting and blowing up enemies with my black magic or taking care of your wounds and getting your dead bodies back onto your feet for a little longer until finally in "early 2015", I put my Stardust and Grimoire in a chest, together with my Evenstar and Daystar set (which are very iconic to me, I love these sets!) and closed it forever. "Wham!" - as the chest fell shut, the dust it blew in my face was an iconic moment. This is it. Mysubscriptioncontracts with the forces of Eorzea and Grand Company will run out soon and then I am independent. "I made it!". What an adventure that was! From now on, I will enjoy the sweet idleness at the Costa del Sol, sip on some overpriced drinks and watch the feline dancers. This lasted for exactly four years....
Yesterday morning, it was a bit different though! A bit different is an understatement. I felt a will, no, an urge to be at the battlefields again. All the Feugas - this is what we German mages call "Fire III", all the satisfaction when I kept my mates in good shape when they trusted me their lives.. I miss the thrill! After I've met my far and distant relativein Guild Wars 2,my Asura fellow, which I visited oftenfrom 2015 'til yesterdayI knew I gotta change something. He told me about the lack of progression from one point in his life. He wasn't all too happy. And I understand what he means. I was idling for 4 years. My magical skills are surely starting to slowly degenerate. After secretly casting the most important spells behind the Gridania inn - I would've tried it all alone inside the inn, but I think putting my inn room on fire by accident with all the wooden panels is not covered by my insurance - and boy, my first attempts were poor, which was not the fault of the cheap wand I borrowed. I forgot a lot of my former rotations! But it got a bit better as I kept on trying in a safe environment. Oh, and did I like it!
I could not wait topay 13€ for game timesign in for new duties and advance! This fresh wind, this power inside me, my burning desire in my heart and soul - I felt it was time to study the art of magic further. Without much thinking involved, and with much euphoria, I almost blindly went to this filthy drinking hole in the desert to meet this cat in red. He showed off his redmage skills - dear god, this could be it! Magic and Melee?? I could follow my blackmage roots, learn something new and keep me physically active.
Can't remember what followed, it might be the beer or the absolute euphoric feeling, but I woke up in my Gridania inn room with a red stone in my bag, those awesome clothes, some paperwork from Mr. Redcat - this guy's actual name, geez! - and my Rapier. Not the best model, but it was free, and surely enough for the first steps of learning! It's also the first time ever my Lalafell hands wield a blade in my entire life! Magic and physical attacks. That is such a change! Even though I am not sure if my middle-aged Lalafell'in body can do that...
So, here I am! I am an apprentice again!
Very unsure if this an upgrade or downgrade - most certainly the former! - but I do not really feel ready! Before I retired, I could go into all duties and pull my weight there. Not being kicked once, never caused mad beef. But now? I try to remember the moves of the Temple of Qarn. I think I have them. What about this place with the ants? Oh...quicksand? Or was it... Dammit!
The fear of failing overcomes me with such a force that I had to sit on my inn's bed and rethink my entire situation. This crippling fear of being absolutely bad and useless almost petrified me. Those four years - everything changed.I can barely figure out the menus as I've never played the game before!All people, even beginners around me, seem to know what to do. They are Level 70 - veterans. And I am at 2.0!
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I played 9 years of League of Legends, 99% of that with random groups. I did not mind that. In fact, it was fun what kind of ret... weird fellas I might get! Like spinning the wheel of idiots! Sometimes, however, you met outright awesome people!
Since I quitted both GW2 and LoL at around the same time while my interest in my Lalafell grew at the same time, I had an empty spot in my video game collection: There are shooters, economy simulations, racing games, stealth games. But no MMO.
So while I am here, basically coming for other players, for you, I also feel very angsty about it! In GW2, I could take care of myself. Running dungeons was not a thing, and surviving on my own was not a problem either.
It was yesterday when I tried an attempt. Guess what? I signed in for Sastasha. Knowing it would be nothing worth as most of my skills are locked anyways. Before I could even form a full party, I logged off. As a retail worker, I am not an anti-social person at all! For some reason however, I have the pure fear going into random dungeons. As I am not a Linkshell person or a fan of FCs as well, I am basically forced to search for groups. But unlike real life, where you can see other people's faces, you can see their emotions - here, you have a bunch of high level people that expect - rightfully so! - a full party member. But how can I achieve that?
I am stuck in a loop here a bit. I order to get experience, I need to fail first. My cousin - who started with me in September 2013 - also hyped up to buy and install all expansions. So we are two DDs - me with the healer option - that know jack sh@$ about the game. While I even think about doing something we both despise - looking up guides before playing the actual game - he seem to be very optimistic by just jumping in. How can he be so relaxed?
So, what do you think about that?
- Is it really all good?
- Is it me with a wrong view on the whole matter?
- Am I talking about the devil so ehe shows up - but only in my mind while the actual situation ingame is far, far more relaxed?
- What is your threshold of bad play(ers)?
- What would you expect from a freshling like me when we meet in a dungeon?
- How do you handle this / people like me? Or do you have any good advices for a Stormblood owner that is actually right after ARR? I am lost both ingame and stuck with this "fear"!
You can't expect me to dive into a Level 50 content as a fresh Redmage apprentice. I had the chance to learn the professions slowly, now I need some ways to do so - most preferrably with a way to gain EXP on the way, too!
I am open for any advice!
Sincerely,
Zedek Kusakabe