Free Companies and Community

[Trisselle_Farmondovic]

"Final Fantasy XIV has such a wonderful, welcoming community!"
Part One

We've all heard this many times before, I don't doubt. Many...perhaps most, of us have said this, undoubtedly with the greatest of enthusiasm and in perfect sincerity. For years now, I have been enormously proud of of our community, and I have been very proud of the Free Companies to which I have belonged. When newcomers have shown up, baffled, or frustrated, or even hostile (in the case of refugees from certain, other games), my compatriots and I have been well pleased to help them get their bearings, find new friends, and even to provide them the gear and guidance they've looked for as brand new arrivals. If one judges the quality of our Community by how we receive new players, then surely Final Fantasy XIV is the apex of contemporary MMORPG civilization.

But is that the only standard by which we judge ourselves? I think not.

The FC to which I have belonged for some two years now, which I will not name out of respect for those good people in it, has been quick to help the stranger...but increasingly slow to work with it's own veterans. It's a pattern I've noticed time and again, across multiple MMO's, and multiple FC's, Guilds, Super Groups (with a nod to City of Heroes) and other such player organizations. As they age, they seem to go through a cycle of development that will likely be familiar to us all. Rapid initial expansion, usual oriented around a half-dozen or so founding individuals who cleared 60% or more of the content, are enthusiastic to help others and create a reliable base of players to address content that isn't well suited to PUG's (pick-up groups). The core coalesces around the idea of building a base by providing support to new players, who are generally open to recruitment because they want help and (at least subconsciously) association that provides positive reinforcement. The membership grows quickly and people are enthusiastic, and invest a lot of energy in "rah-rah, go team" language about how supportive, helpful and uplifting they all are. And this is, at least in this stage, genuine.

[Trisselle_Farmondovic]

"Final Fantasy XIV has such a wonderful, welcoming community!"
Part Two

But there comes a point, and we all know it, when a Free Company starts to see more questions, or requests for help or guidance, than it sees answers. Veterans start getting more focused on end-game content, which is a major time sink, and slowly-but-surely membership starts to dip. The veterans notice and start actively recruiting again, but there is less enthusiasm for answering questions or investing time in older content for the sake of a random newbie with whom the veterans have little, or no, rapport. membership dips again, quicker this time. Some veterans start to gripe about new players, or even older players with less time or energy to invest than themselves. Slowly the chasm grows, as the FC relies more and more on recruiting gimmicks like contests and giveaways, and less and less on personal interactions and human investment in the membership. That gap between the elite veteran members and everybody else grows wider still, and some start to view it as a firebreak. A way to separate the worthy from the unworthy.

And then it happens. The first spat between veterans. Usually when someone find themselves a few steps behind in content, or when someone expresses an opinion, thought, or feeling that someone else finds disagreeable. The argument may, if the FC is lucky, be easily dealt with and resolved with the intercession of another veteran reinforcing the common bonds and helping to remind each that they have more in common than not. The problem may then resolve with a few apologies.

Or, it may quickly (sometimes very, very quickly) dissolve into mockery, insults and hurt feelings. Someone either leaves the Free Company or is ejected, depending on who exactly is involved, and what the exact circumstances are. And the remaining veterans further tighten around their shrinking membership, circling the wagons, and after a few minutes (possibly) of pondering what exactly happened and why...they drift back into their own individual affairs, most likely never to speak of the matter again. And it is almost certain that nobody will, afterword, reach out to the warring parties to try and soothe hurt feelings or rebuild what was broken. We all know that in an MMO, when you cut ties, it's forever. As much because people are fundamentally lazy and selfish about their social ties in an MMO as anything else.

[Trisselle_Farmondovic]

"Final Fantasy XIV has such a wonderful, welcoming community!"
Part Three

And that's one of the many places where a "wonderful, welcoming community" starts to break down and become, bit by bit, toxic. Now, I am not, under any circumstances, saying that FFXIV has become toxic. It hasn't, not by a long shot. But the fact is, we have to think about more than just incoming players. We have to think about how we treat those who've been in our company (or Company) for a long while. It's easy to lose sight of someone's feelings when you think you know them, as a result of association, or even just seeing their name pop up in your Chat log regularly. It's also easy to forget that those people, on the other side of that handle, have feelings that must be respected and handle appropriately. Mockery and trolling someone having a bad time might seem fun in the moment, but your momentary lulz might be coming at the cost of someone else's sanity.

It's been well-documented that a great many people with various social and mental health issues rely on MMO's for socialization, and preserving a sense of identity, or satisfaction, or (sad as it might seem) their sense of self-worth. When you encounter a player having a major malfunction (whether it be over something serious or relatively minor, from your perspective) meeting them with mockery, insults, accusations, name-calling and other forms of negativity may just be enough to do real, lasting harm to that person. We live in a high-stress, uncertain, unreliable, often hostile and frequently untrustworthy world. For many folks, their MMO is the place they try to escape to seek relief from all of that. Taking that from them, whether you feel justified or not, is just cruel.

[Trisselle_Farmondovic]

"Final Fantasy XIV has such a wonderful, welcoming community!"
Part Four (End)

Of course, none of us are mind readers, and we can't know, without asking, what any given player's difficulty may be. And that, the asking part, is crucial. Asking, and offering compassion, is how you engage people, how you show them that "wonderful community". Now this doesn't mean that nobody should ever crack a joke, or speak the truth when someone needs to take one large chill pill with a glass of shut up juice. But don't lead with that...lead with the question, "What is bothering you, and why?" And, when you get their answer - their whole answer - be kind. Don't tell them how stupid you think they are, or childish, or ignorant, or intolerant, or what-have-you. Ask them what would ease their stress, solve their problem, and calm their emotions.

The time for criticism, humor, or confrontation is not in the heat of the moment. It is after the crisis (and you must not ever forget that to the other person, it is a crisis, of some magnitude), when emotions aren't running so high and people aren't defaulting to defensiveness and hostility. And don't ever forget, that these players are also a part of our community. They're probably at least as smart and experienced as you, but they have a different understanding, and different specific experiences which give them a perspective that isn't yours, and may not include something that seems obvious to you. And please, always remember that these are likely also veteran players. Newbies rarely, if ever, feel comfortable enough to open up, express their feelings, and share their pain or frustration. If a member of your FC, or just a long time veteran associate, is willing to voice their unhappiness in emotional terms, it probably mean that they feel safe, and trust you and whoever else in involved. Value that trust, and respect it, because it is very easy to ruin and lose it. And once that happens, if they were a part of your Free Company, your "wonderful community", you can bet they won't be any more. And they will likely go away, bitter, and wounded, and will likely spread the toxicity you showed them to others...including those new players we all value so much, and want to feel good about joining us in our little world.

And new players aren't going to keep coming to and enjoying a world full of unhappy, alienated, bitter veterans who are only interested in their pecking order and making themselves laugh at the expense of others.

[Fonzarelli]

Damn, sorry you had to go through this. I understand the parts about FC's aging, maybe some groups of people who are not on the same wavelength, and such.
But, fortunately, i have not experienced the ridicule or confrontation from anyone in my years playing.

I suppose, it's like life in general though. It's kind of like a honeymoon phase in the beginning, and then you hope that there is strength in the relationship/community that makes it lasting and able to overcome the rough patches.

Good luck in the future though!

[doppelgangr]

This is the start of a great manifesto. I enjoyed reading it and couldn't agree more. I am not a well liked person, but I have zero tolerance to many forms of elitism and trolling. I have no problem in criticism against the people that engage in that sort of humor. For example, in response to an thought provoking statement, I was met with comments about how I am in incel. The person who suggested that was not up for discussion on the matter. But the reasons he gave were 1) because i play FFXIV, and 2) see 1.

[Dr_Cheesesteak]

New(ish) to FF14 and have been trying to watch a lot of dungeon/raid streams. From what I can tell in raids, a lot of ppl aren't in the same FC. Which leads me to ask if it's easy to do raid content w/o even being in an FC? Would that be an option, assuming you're ok no longer doing those experiences w/ the ppl you've shared them w/ for the past X years.

This is the start of a great manifesto. I enjoyed reading it and couldn't agree more. I am not a well liked person, but I have zero tolerance to many forms of elitism and trolling. I have no problem in criticism against the people that engage in that sort of humor. For example, in response to an thought provoking statement, I was met with comments about how I am in incel. The person who suggested that was not up for discussion on the matter. But the reasons he gave were 1) because i play FFXIV, and 2) see 1.

Wait, so another FF14 player said you were an incel b/c you play FF14?