He actually did a name change before I was able to tell him here that it doesn't matter - even if you name change and move servers the Lodestone tracks by your game ID -- out of curiosity I had his Lodestone open to see what gear he had that allowed him to rip aggro from the other tank, and today that tab is still there and refreshing it just gives his new name (plus he's in the same FC as well as the name isn't really changed...).

To OP, I do hope you take the advice others have tried to give you. Many were far kinder than the usual people you'd meet in other MMOs like WoW, etc. I don't even think the crux of the issue, or the reason for 20 pages+ of comments, is that you're bad at PLD. Everyone I think can excuse bad play even if they decide to kick for it. What makes people upset is your refusal to admit your faults - not even the need to learn from them (some people refuse to learn), but really just the flat out refusal to admit you were playing badly and deserved the kick. Humility, I think, is a checkbox that needs to be checked in this case...