How to give advice

[Melichoir]

Can't sympathize. I don't understand the people with your mindset who think they are above criticism and that people need to sugarcoat every little word they say. You already admit you should work on that, so instead of getting upset take the good points and learn from the situation.

You dont pay my sub!!!

Joke aside though, you shouldnt go up to a person and be like "You suck, let me tell you how to not suck. Be grateful". I mention this for a few reasons:

1) If youre a stranger to them, who the heck are you to them? Sorry, but they dont know you. They dont know how much an expert you are, or anything. So any advice you want to give them can and usually does get lost on deaf ears because they dont know you. IF ANYTHING, you should be redirecting them to community sources that are widely agreed upon, like the discord server for all this stuff.

2) You dont have to be an jerk hole about things either. Ask them, and be polite about it. Its really surprising how many people do not get this: A little common courtesy goes a loooooong way. You think theyre doing it wrong, be like "Hey, Im a 'x' main and pretty good. I think you might be doing your rotation wrong. Ive some pointers if youd like." Or something like that. Going up to them and being like "You suck you scrub. Do this and this and maybe youll be able to git gud. Dur hur, be grateful cause Im sharing my expertise with you." isnt productive. IMAGINE, for a second, if you were doing something and you thought you were doing ok, and some random stranger walked up to you and was like "Hey, you suck. Let me show you how its done. You should be grateful Im taking time to show you how to not suck." Its off putting and comes off as offensive.

3) People learn at their own pace. Assuming theyre not trying to get better, and patronizing them by showing them how its 'done' is freaking annoying. You DONT know anything about that player unless youve been playing with them consistently. They may be trying to learn something. Again, being a jerk to them assuming they suck and youre super good isnt productive.

And to address the point you make about people hwo are above criticism: My experience is that those people are Few and Far between. They exist, but most people will be willing to give you an ear if you are pretty chill with them. But hey, that requires a touch of effort.

[alimdia]

I do agree that advice should be given respectfully, the sugarcoating part of my post referred more to asking before giving a tip, which IMO should not be necessary.

[ko_]

I do agree that advice should be given respectfully, the sugarcoating part of my post referred more to asking before giving a tip, which IMO should not be necessary.

Context is key tho. I know for a fact you wouldn't be too keen on some random coming to you in real life and flat out saying you are living your life wrong. I'm not saying advice giving is wrong but you cant come incorrect and expect them to correct themselves. Cause you're nothing but a stranger to them.

[alimdia]

Context is key tho. I know for a fact you wouldn't be too keen on some random coming to you in real life and flat out saying you are living your life wrong. I'm not saying advice giving is wrong but you cant come incorrect and expect them to correct themselves. Cause you're nothing but a stranger to them.

The context in this case is a team based MMO and doing group content, I'd say that warrants overriding asking for permission before giving tips.

[AngelCheese77]

Can't sympathize. I don't understand the people with your mindset who think they are above criticism and that people need to sugarcoat every little word they say. You already admit you should work on that, so instead of getting upset take the good points and learn from the situation.

Less about criticism and more about how the person in the group thought they knew the ONLY way to play BLM correctly.

My mindset? Are things dying? Y/N Is everyone alive? Y/N If you answered Yes to both questions, then just have fun. If you answered No to either or both, then maybe look at ALL the players and not just one, and adjust things.

I get tired of those who tell the tank JUST PULL BIG GROUPS! without even asking others if they are okay with that ... especially the tank! I mean, I've had that happen and I was the healer. Did anyone ask me? Nope. So people died. And I'm like ... I can't handle that much, especially as it was a new area. Most of the tanks apologize and do less, though I've had some to just complain and continue. /shrugs

[CorbinDallas]

Less about criticism and more about how the person in the group thought they knew the ONLY way to play BLM correctly.

My mindset? Are things dying? Y/N Is everyone alive? Y/N If you answered Yes to both questions, then just have fun. If you answered No to either or both, then maybe look at ALL the players and not just one, and adjust things.

I get tired of those who tell the tank JUST PULL BIG GROUPS! without even asking others if they are okay with that ... especially the tank! I mean, I've had that happen and I was the healer. Did anyone ask me? Nope. So people died. And I'm like ... I can't handle that much, especially as it was a new area. Most of the tanks apologize and do less, though I've had some to just complain and continue. /shrugs

Ok that's your mindset, fine. But what about the mindset of potentially 7 other people in your group? If you want to waste time by being inefficient for the sake of "fun", then do so via your own PF, not in DF.

[AngelCheese77]

Ok that's your mindset, fine. But what about the mindset of potentially 7 other people in your group? If you want to waste time by being inefficient for the sake of "fun", then do so via your own PF, not in DF.

Well, hm. Since I don't go hardcore raiding ....

Though I was in a DF where the BLM only cast FireI. When we had made a comment that there was more skills to use, as it took forever to go through trash, they just told us off and kept doing it.

There's a difference ....

As to what I meant, if my rotation isn't perfect but things are dying, we aren't dying, and progress is being made .. that's good!

If there is a person like the BLM I stated in my post ... that's reason for a kick because they are just griefing and impeding progress.

I'm terrible on AST. I've had a few people give me advice in 2 ways. 1) "Try X if this happens and stay in this stance. Use your cards as much as you can ... or B ) "WTF. S--t healer can't take large pulls. WTF is my cards! Hurry up!" And B was even after I told them I was new to the instance AND to AST. /shrugs

Which would you rather take?

[alimdia]

Less about criticism and more about how the person in the group thought they knew the ONLY way to play BLM correctly.

My mindset? Are things dying? Y/N Is everyone alive? Y/N If you answered Yes to both questions, then just have fun. If you answered No to either or both, then maybe look at ALL the players and not just one, and adjust things.

Again it's a group activity, you can't demand 3-7 other people to adjust because you don't want to learn how to play (aka not wanting tips).

I don't condone people being jerks, but regardless of how nicely they would have given advice OP already has a stance where people should ask for his permission before commenting on his gameplay and that's the mindset I don't get, it simply doesn't work with team-based content.

[Zeldert-Castiel]

Can't sympathize. I don't understand the people with your mindset who think they are above criticism and that people need to sugarcoat every little word they say. You already admit you should work on that, so instead of getting upset take the good points and learn from the situation.

Not all players wanted to take critics from random players, especially with bad tones. I understand, veterans only want you to grow and learn, but some words may be put wrong and ended up taking all the fun.

[CorbinDallas]

I mean you could just, you know, read your tooltips. Most bellyaching would be avoided if people just learned to do this one simple trick.