Sexual harassment

[Solarra]

...kids need to come to realize that their decisions affect other people as well, it's not just about them. What about their parents, their friends, their relatives who actually care about them?

Wow! you seem to be taking victim-blaming to a whole new level here. So, are you really saying that if someone I care about gets abused, I not only get to admonish their poor decision-making but I can also cry, 'poor me!' because their being hurt is distressing for me!?!
I think such a reaction would be insensitive, self-obsessed and entirely inappropriate. Shaming someone because they have been abused is not only unfair, it's pretty abusive in itself.
The worst thing is, this lets the abuser off the hook. You are focusing entirely on the victim and what you think they did wrong. Implying people are just stupid if they let harassment or abuse happen to them (and now selfish too, because of the distress it could cause their friends and family) helps nobody apart from those who harass and abuse. Making excuses for these people simply allows them to continue their behaviour unchecked.

[AriaFairchild]

Wow! you seem to be taking victim-blaming to a whole new level here. So, are you really saying that if someone I care about gets abused, I not only get to admonish their poor decision-making but I can also cry, 'poor me!' because their being hurt is distressing for me!?!
I think such a reaction would be insensitive, self-obsessed and entirely inappropriate. Shaming someone because they have been abused is not only unfair, it's pretty abusive in itself.
The worst thing is, this lets the abuser off the hook. You are focusing entirely on the victim and what you think they did wrong. Implying people are just stupid if they let harassment or abuse happen to them (and now selfish too, because of the distress it could cause their friends and family) helps nobody apart from those who harass and abuse. Making excuses for these people simply allows them to continue their behaviour unchecked.

Victim blaming seems to be everyone's favorite buzzword nowadays, because condemning the abuser and calling out the victim for their poor decisions are not mutually exclusive. The abuser must be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, however, the victim needs to be reminded of their decision making.

You are just being overtly dramatic, nobody is crying "poor me" here, nobody is letting the abuser off the hook here. If you think telling your kid they are being irresponsible is being insensitive, and that their irresponsibility is affecting others, you are doing a poor job raising children. Children don't exist in a vacuum, they need to grow up to be responsible adults too and to make wise decisions too. Part of maturity is realizing that your actions affect others, and by not letting them reflecting on that perspective, they are going to make foolish decisions again.

[Solarra]

If you think telling your kid they are being irresponsible is being insensitive, and that their irresponsibility is affecting others, you are doing a poor job raising children.

*Jawdrop* You're taking ad-hominem to a new level, too.

My point was that if a younger member of your family is abused and all you can offer is a lecture on how irresponsible they were to let it happen and how it's affecting you then you are basically throwing yourself a 'pity party' and making their problems all about yourself. A bit of support and practical help might be more appropriate.

If you had read my earlier posts in this thread you would have seen that I am absolutely in favour of giving people the knowledge and tools to minimize their risk of being harassed and to cope with it if it happens.
However, putting all the emphasis on 'how not to be a victim' does send out the message to potential abusers that if a person doesn't respond to them in a certain manner then anything they do is at least partly excused.

[AriaFairchild]

If you had read my earlier posts in this thread

all you can offer is a lecture on how irresponsible they were to let it happen and how it's affecting you then you are basically throwing yourself a 'pity party' and making their problems all about yourself

*Jawdrop* You're taking tunnel-visioning to a new level.

I'll show her compassion, after chastising her for her immaturity/foolishness.

Take your own advice man. You are the only one who zeroed in on the 'pity party' aspect, when no one did such thing. All that I had said is that the kid needs to know how its action had affected others, and that showing compassion is a given in this case.

For example:

"You know what, Junior, what you did was very foolish. You left without letting me or your mom know. You made us worried sick about you. Now that you are here, you are safe. That's all that matter. But promise us to always tell mom and dad whenever you go, alright? We love you more than anything in this world."

cue jaw drop sound for dramatic effect

How can this example be used when someone was sexual harassed? Your example sounds more like a young child that went too far away from their parents, not someone that was abused or sexual attacked. Also what would you say to someone that went through that on the internet? For something that went on for months?

This is just used to illustrate that reprimanding (if the person did actually do something stupid) and showing love can happen at the same time. For a particular case, you can phrase it in a similar spirit. And also:

And 18 years is still a child. You don't become an adult until your early to mid twenties. Just because the state might consider you an adult for the purposes of the judiciary, it by no means indicates that you are an adult where it really matters. Neuroscience is the authority on this, not arbitrary legal thresholds.

There's this consensus that 18 is still a child, so I am doing exactly that, treating them like a child. In this particular case, the child did just that "went too far away from their parents" without telling the parents even.