Sexual harassment

[Alleo]

Just imagine you have a car accident because you sadly drove a bit faster than what is allowed. You land in hospital, barely survived it and maybe you will even be permanently hurt. And the thing that your family says to you is: Why could you not have driven slower? You should have been a good adult..Probably totally "helps" the person that already realized their mistake and paid for it the most.

The same with abuse. The person in question is probably already beating themselves up for it because that who suffer of the after effect are those that realized that they were abused. Thus imo the best that family could do is to support them without any negative comments...because the person itself will know the best what went wrong and now need all the help and support they can get, to get through this. (I mean abuse is whole different level than a child throwing a tandrum or doing something bad.)

@Aria: If your child has been sexually assaulted on the street would you really scold them for "mistakes"? Because hey she wore that short dress, its surely her fault and not the one that assaulted her.

[Rogatum]

Just imagine you have a car accident because you sadly drove a bit faster than what is allowed. You land in hospital, barely survived it and maybe you will even be permanently hurt. And the thing that your family says to you is: Why could you not have driven slower? You should have been a good adult..Probably totally "helps" the person that already realized their mistake and paid for it the most.

The same with abuse. The person in question is probably already beating themselves up for it because that who suffer of the after effect are those that realized that they were abused. Thus imo the best that family could do is to support them without any negative comments...because the person itself will know the best what went wrong and now need all the help and support they can get, to get through this. (I mean abuse is whole different level than a child throwing a tandrum or doing something bad.)

@Aria: If your child has been sexually assaulted on the street would you really scold them for "mistakes"? Because hey she wore that short dress, its surely her fault and not the one that assaulted her.

I think the key factor is age here or the cognitive ability of the person in question. For example if someone forced themselves on a sleeping person scolding them would be wrong. So say if someone is a small child, has limited cognitive ability (due to age) or is mentally handicapped, and or asleep placing blame on them serves no purpose since they either will not be able to comprehend / be respective to what is going on, or had any control over their actions. It is a different case if someone left their drink unattended and was drugged. Really comes down to how doing what we can to protect ourselves far as is possible and practicable. So yes certain cases placing the blame on the person does not make sense, but in cases like the kidnapped child because the parent was inattentive, mugged due to in short not reading the situation probably, or in the case of someone got into an accident due to driving above the speed limit. They should be told what they did, because this is not just about them. I was guilty of this when I was mugged, I thought oh it is 2016 who mugs people anymore. That was my arrogance showing. In your example with the car, what happens if the family in question does not have good insurance and now because of their reckless driving the burden is placed on the family, or if they happened to hit another car while driving above the speed limit. The sad thing is rarely do any of our actions have an impact solely on us. Like with the cops I thought my actions impacted only me, never thought what weight my actions truly have. I could have died all because I executed poor judgement, I can tell you in that moment I did not think I could die because I withdrew money from an ATM in a deli around people late at night. Granted you can die doing anything, but as people we should enforce and encourage people protect themselves far as is possible and practicable to mitigate risk factors. Something could still go wrong, but at the very least you tried. Guess what I am trying to say is right to excuse inaction and poor judgement because someone's feelings may get hurt?

I hope what I am trying to say makes sense, not the best at explaining things in text.

[Alleo]

In your example with the car, what happens if the family in question does not have good insurance and now because of their reckless driving the burden is placed on the family, or if they happened to hit another car while driving above the speed limit. The sad thing is rarely do any of our actions have an impact solely on us.
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But the thing is, that with the car example if the person itself is already so wounded that they might not heal completely again dont you think it would be too much to scold them for that? If they have any responsibility they will already feel horrible because of them being wounded and for the accident itself, going around and blaming them might even send them over the edge. How would it be if they then decide that they are not worth living anymore and kill themselves? (I know a harsh topic) And with abuse, what if the person that got abused was already mentally unstable? Wouldnt that make it worse too? Maybe even make them feel like everyone is better off without them?

There are situations were its fine to point out the mistakes but I believe there are also situations were something like that can make matters worse. Sometimes its just better to support the person instead of butting blames on them. Maybe later, when all is done, when they are over it and on the way to get better, maybe then its time for a talk. But after it happens? No I dont think that would be good.

*
For example:

"You know what, Junior, what you did was very foolish. You left without letting me or your mom know. You made us worried sick about you. Now that you are here, you are safe. That's all that matter. But promise us to always tell mom and dad whenever you go, alright? We love you more than anything in this world."

How can this example be used when someone was sexual harassed? Your example sounds more like a young child that went too far away from their parents, not someone that was abused or sexual attacked. Also what would you say to someone that went through that on the internet? For something that went on for months?

[Rogatum]

But the thing is, that with the car example if the person itself is already so wounded that they might not heal completely again dont you think it would be too much to scold them for that? If they have any responsibility they will already feel horrible because of them being wounded and for the accident itself, going around and blaming them might even send them over the edge. How would it be if they then decide that they are not worth living anymore and kill themselves? (I know a harsh topic) And with abuse, what if the person that got abused was already mentally unstable? Wouldnt that make it worse too? Maybe even make them feel like everyone is better off without them?

There are situations were its fine to point out the mistakes but I believe there are also situations were something like that can make matters worse. Sometimes its just better to support the person instead of butting blames on them. Maybe later, when all is done, when they are over it and on the way to get better, maybe then its time for a talk. But after it happens? No I dont think that would be good.

If someone goes over the edge and takes their own life because blame fell on them, then clearly they did not understand how their actions have an impact on others around them. While not the most popular opinion I have always viewed suicide as a selfish action. Leaving that aside, what I do not understand is why does pointing out mistakes seem to invalidate the help that comes after? Sure it may make the person feel bad, and think hard at what they did but isn't that the whole point? Some may feel what the officer did was unprofessional, but them scolding me made it feel like they viewed me as an individual. They did not come in with empty platitudes and treated me with some fake persona of caring. I mean I guess I just do not see why others think the two are mutually exclusive. I do think both aspects can and should be delivered in the same space, personally I do not think the talk the police had with me would have had the same impact if they had waited until later to tell me. If that makes sense.

[MoroMurasaki]

How can this example be used when someone was sexual harassed? Your example sounds more like a young child that went too far away from their parents, not someone that was abused or sexual attacked. Also what would you say to someone that went through that on the internet? For something that went on for months?

"First off - I'm glad we're getting this sorted out. You know I'll be here to support you as you pursue whatever legal action you can against this scumbag. As you've clued me in on what's been happening I really wish you had spoken to someone sooner, when you started to feel uncomfortable. Letting someone push you into this kind of situation is going to be something that you're going to have to deal with for years to come.

I hope in the end you've learned that anyone who feels like they can guilt or shame you into sharing personal information, photos or video is definitely not worth your time. You are a really kind person but when you feel like you're getting taken advantage of you have to speak up, no one can help if you let things progress this far. I hope you know you're loved and supported and worth so much more than the way that person treated you."

Or something like that.

There is nothing wrong with making sure someone knows that they did something wrong (or even just didn't do something they should have done) while reaffirming love and support.

Often times the only good thing to come out of these bad situations us that the victim learns from them about how to prevent themselves from being taken advantage of in the future. Checking in on that isn't bad, it's responsible and caring.

[AriaFairchild]

Or something like that.

There is nothing wrong with making sure someone knows that they did something wrong (or even just didn't do something they should have done) while reaffirming love and support.

Often times the only good thing to come out of these bad situations us that the victim learns from them about how to prevent themselves from being taken advantage of in the future. Checking in on that isn't bad, it's responsible and caring.

Careful, this stuff is too politically incorrect for this forum to handle. But before that, can you pass me the great commune tea, by the whey?

[Sigma-Astra]

I feel like I should just drop this here for people to watch or listen if they feel like in this topic and just leave in peace with some of these comments. Because, yikes...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuNIwYsz7PI

[Mikki]

I have had a few creepy guys come up to me and say some unsavory things. But honestly, I don't even care. I just ignore and/or block nasty people like that. It's not a big deal. Plus I get a laugh thinking about how many straight men hit on half naked miqote and aura girls without realizing that a huge portion of them are actually men in real life. If I really feel like messing with them, I might just tell them I'm a guy too (even though I'm not). It has definitely set some guys off from me. lol

I've had some gay guys hit on my alt, too (which is a male miqote) and then seem utterly shocked when I tell them I'm a girl irl....so that's always fun too. I guess people also don't realize that girls play male characters also.

[Rogatum]

I think I might just be dense or stupid since I can honestly not see how that can be considered victim blaming. At the core it seems any action that points out a mistake in the moment is considered victim blaming and invalidates any of the help that comes along with it. Which baffles me greatly, though that might also be because my social skills and interaction leave much to be desired.