A Plea to the FFXIV OF Community

[KaivaC]

Good morning, everyone. This is something of a plea to the community, and something of a personal confession at the same time. It’s been a good week since I pulled myself away from FFXIV…no forums, no gaming, no reddit. As some of you might’ve suspected with the last set of threads I had created (and my responses in those threads), I do suffer from severe depression and anxiety. It really is no excuse for my behavior. However, I do know that there are others out there who do suffer from similar symptoms who are in our community, whether they are on the forums, reddit, or wherever they might be.

FFXIV is supposed to be a fun game. No matter what you are doing, whether it would be for raiding, crafting, hanging out with friends, or whatever it is that occupies your time while you are in game, fun should be your number one priority. When you take fun out of the equation, that’s when real problems start to stir up. Please don’t let yourselves think that this is a job that you have to do. While I’m speaking on experiences within FFXIV, this applies really for anything gaming-related. Don’t sacrifice your health for a game.

I have been in those shoes – still am. If you do suffer from anything related to depression or anxiety, please seek help. Please seek out resources. There is a discord specifically for the FFXIV community that welcomes members who do suffer from these symptoms – the good folks there are always welcoming of new members, and it has an amazing staff. Think of it as a hangout spot where you just come in and talk with other individuals, with no pressure on you. Reach out to your friends, your family, professional help if you need it.

I’ll link the Nervous Eorzean right here: http://discord.gg/cKEqRQA

I love FFXIV, I do. But your own health has to come first and foremost. Take a break if you need it. If you have friends who are pointing out the signs, pay heed to it. This community is amazing, and the folks here do look out for one another. Please don’t allow yourself to prioritize the game more than your own health.

For those of you out there who think you’re alone – you’re not. Hang in there. Go to the Nervous Eorzean if you just want to talk about anything in general to get things off your mind. Talk to your friends and family members – never cut them off, because they are reaching out to you because they care. If you have a good FC/static that looks out for you, talk with them.
Lastly, I want to send a heartfelt thank you to the FFXIV OF community. I know I was a bit of a handful at times, but this community is by far the best I’ve personally ever experienced. I kindly ask if you see the signs in others that you have seen in me, point them in the right directions. For all who have read this, I thank you for indulging in this post. I am unsure if I will ever be back, but at the least, I wanted to share this with everyone else and hope that maybe with this post, some of those who struggle with similar symptoms will be able to find the strength to reach out if needed.

Once more, I will post The Nervous Eorzean.

Thank you, FFXIV OF Community.

Signed,
Kaiva Cordodan

[Nhadaly]

I enjoyed reading your threads and the points you made regardless of how they turned out, i hope you manage to get yourself out of those things, i know how hard it can be.

I joined your discord a while ago and it has been like a second home to me, thanks for your contributions to this community, im sure me and many others appreciate it.

[Rogatum]

Maybe I am just too jaded, but I also suffer from depression and anxiety most your threads, while you try to come off as helpful I cannot help but notice the slight hint of or desire of seeking validation of others. Relax, if people think your asshole, toxic, elitist or whatever properly not going to change their minds, no matter how times you apologize or try to explain. Just do you, and honestly relax. You are not that important, no one is I am pretty certain most people outside your close group of friends or people like / dislike you pretty much forgot about your threads and or fumbles. Either way I am willing to bet to a large portion of the FFXIV forum you do not even pop on their radar. Those that like and are your friends already understand your position so they prob did not judge your harshly and your critics and those that dislike you will prob never understand you. No need to beat yourself up, it is not that big of a deal. Though awesome about the discord and stuff.

[NephthysVasudan]

I'm more inclined to agree with Rogatum. As to the rest - I reserve for private.

To say more will likely cause more trouble than its worth.

[Redname]

You seem to already know it but you arent the only one with these issues. While some people can manage this game very well, others have serious anxiety issues. I dont think is appropiate to diminish and call it a minor problem, like i saw in some other posts. People lack empathy and basic humanity.

I found a good FC in Zodiark and the members and elders here are very chill and welcoming. Its what i recommend, find a good FC where you are comfortable and people dont criticize or demand you a level of perfection. Everyone who read this is welcome to message me if they have these problems and they are alone. At least it helped me too

[NephthysVasudan]

To ensure I'm not misunderstood... my stance on depression anxiety is treated with extreme seriousness.

I have suffered with such as well...it is no laughing manner...and I do not find it amusing. Especially when I encounter people who treat it like a joke (not related to this thread...speaking in past).

My FC the Dreadwyrm Academy is a safe haven for people who suffer with anxiety/depression. You will find support/and help for all difficult areas of the game.

You will not find us receptive to people who joke about such matters however.

Adamantoise residents are welcome to seek us for help.

As for the discord server - I've heard good things about it...but I've not participated as I have my hands full already with my own FC - I prioritize my members to ensure they get care they need.

My previous post was aimed at the OP directly...not at people the OP aimed it at...if that make sense...we've got a bit of history...just being subtle about my message is all.

[Issac]

If you ever start to feel like FFXIV or any game is becoming a job, the easiest way to solve that is to get a job, or if you have one, work more hours. Give yourself less free time. Not trying to be insensitive, this is genuine advice.

Oh, also... If you ever want to tackle anxiety head on, seek a therapist or spend a day researching it and try to come to some realizations.
At its core, anxiety is selfish. And I don't mean this as an insult, as we all can be. But when you get pulled into an anxious spiral, just who is at the center of all your worry? A good way to combat anxiety is random acts of kindness to strangers. Start at one per day, see how you feel in a month.

[Penthea]

Maybe I am just too jaded, but I also suffer from depression and anxiety most your threads, while you try to come off as helpful I cannot help but notice the slight hint of or desire of seeking validation of others.

If OP is trying to stay away from FFXIV for their personal health, then posting in this forum isn't going to help at all. I'm seeing a lot of the same signs I saw in his previous threads and posts.

To say more will likely cause more trouble than its worth.

I'm also going to abstain from commenting further on this specific post for similar reasons.

To clarify I have nothing against those who suffer from depression or anxiety. I think the Nervous Eorzean is a great idea. And I do agree that people should never suffer these pains alone.

[NephthysVasudan]

I spoke with Kaiva at length....and sorry to say it seems several people in this "community" have caused severe damage.
not surprised...but I myself found myself apologizing for falling prey to the "mob's opinion" in terms of the information provided.

Kaiva's past posts where not entirely constructive...but the motive and driving force behind them where legitimate....albeit not terribly helpful. We've cleared the air and I can say with confidence that the situation is essentially as intended - Kaiva's intent is pure for purposes of this post....people who are depressed/anxious can be harmed in many ways....like Kaiva was....thankfully help is easy to reach...you need only to ask.

Nervous Eorzean's:
Don't get suckered in by drama or obsessions in this game. Perfectionism, numbers, stats, and anything else of the like will ruin the game and harm your situation. People who obsess over such things....should just leave well enough alone.

This is a game guys/gals. If your not having fun...you shouldn't be here. Fun is the natural motivator that allows people to perform and do well. Not listening to the mob in terms of advise and council. Figure it out for yourself. Question everything. You'll go far. Don't just blindly follow.

Majority is not always correct in their assessment. Especially if that assessment is tainted with "Savage" mindset that I frequently see "poisoning the well" so to speak.

Kaiva discovered this a little too late. Thankfully we remain in contact thanks to this.
Kaiva has left the game..hence my remark about it being too late.
I will miss him...and hope he will return when all is well.

I will not say anymore on the matter....or to any one else who will ask.
Real life comes first. Always.

[Jojoya]

At its core, anxiety is selfish. And I don't mean this as an insult, as we all can be. But when you get pulled into an anxious spiral, just who is at the center of all your worry? A good way to combat anxiety is random acts of kindness to strangers. Start at one per day, see how you feel in a month.

I've spent years living with depression and anxiety. Part of my routine is to do small acts of kindness for others whenever the opportunity arises if only because that small kindness might help someone else feel better who is also suffering whether from temporary circumstances or biological influence. It can make a big difference if it happens at a critical time.

But I still have depression. I still have anxiety. I'm still stress out at times when dealing with the world or other people and I can't shake it. I've just had to learn to live with it.

People need to stop equating the symptoms of mental illness with selfishness because it's so very far from the truth in most cases. Such generalizations are a bad habit to get into when there's so much the medical community still does not understand about mental illness and is working hard to figure out. They make it much harder for those with mental illness to get the help and support they need because of the stigma that gets perpetuated that the person with mental illness is a liar, lazy, exaggerating, imaging things... or selfishly seeking attention.