Telling a player they should quit? Is that ever justified?

[HyoMinPark]

OP, why are so many of your posts like poking a hornet's nest?

Because they are devoid of applicable context, the opening posts are vague/not well thought out, and are all about controversial topics on the OF (e.g., DPS, parser usage, Savage, FFLogs). And they are usually personal in nature. For me, they get tiring because they're just bringing up the same topics that have already been beat into a bloody pulp. There are people who have their own views and said views cannot be changed; and the threads asking for advice seem to have fallen on deaf ears, as I had stated previously. That's just my personal view, but my view nonetheless.

I don't really find these threads all that constructive considering how they inevitably always devolve into "non-Raiders/'softcore' players versus Raiders/'hardcore' players" or "parser versus no parser". And then the buzzwords "toxic" and "elitist" get to be thrown around repeatedly towards the end, destroying any sort of meaningful conversation. This applies to both sides of whatever controversial argument the thread devolved into. I'm certainly not innocent when it comes to losing my temper...which is probably why I just find these provoking threads tiring at the end of the day. I am much too old for this.

[Penthea]

I don't really find these threads all that constructive considering how they inevitably always devolve into "non-Raiders/'softcore' players versus Raiders/'hardcore' players" or "parser versus no parser".

Those threads always eventually become garbage tier.

[HyoMinPark]

Those threads always eventually become garbage tier.

I honestly think they could be constructive if they didn't devolve so quickly. I've had very sound debates with people that aren't for parsers, or who dislike raiding. But you can't expect that level of maturity from everyone, I guess. I understand the strong feelings. I just dislike the disregard for them, or the lack of willingness to try and see the other side. I think I can sometimes be blinded by my own judgments as well, so I am not completely innocent but I try to keep an open mind as much as I can.

[ProjectT]

KaivaC, I find the subjects of your threads wishy-washy. I agree with HyoMinPark and many others. Most of your subjects with questions or queries, KaivaC, involve obvious common sense and/or human nature answers. Answers that you surely have arrived at in your own mind, hopefully. Why is there a need then, by you, to seek such opinions on mundane subjects? You are lonely. You seek attention so you come here and post. I'd be willing to bet not many of us on the forums are psychoanalysts. But you should seek help elsewhere, KaivaC. FFXIV is a game and it should be fun. If it isn't, and you are having personal problems with it, then take a break or go find help in another venue.

[Penthea]

I honestly think they could be constructive if they didn't devolve so quickly. I've had very sound debates with people that aren't for parsers, or who dislike raiding. But you can't expect that level of maturity from everyone, I guess.

This is why I tend to say my piece once or twice and spend the rest of my time in those threads silently lurking, if I even post at all. They always devolve into the same s*** because you get individuals who are more interested in pointing fingers than resolving anything.

[KisaiTenshi]

But…I would like to know a little more about the ‘antagonist’ thing that you mentioned. I don’t really converse with others in-game, save for saying hello, farewell, discussing strats, admitting if I made a mistake, discussing strategy for a particular fight, and asking if someone needs help. Other than that, I generally do not engage in conversation with others in game unless I actually know them.

I said that because seemingly every thread you start sounds like a response to being called out for something, and the people who respond are the very people who feel they are being personally called out. I've seen this pattern of attention-seeking/validation behavior before, and it always ends in tragedy. So while we may have butted heads before in the forum, I don't actually hold any ill-will against you or anyone else, because I've not actually played with anyone from the forum in the game, or at least not knowingly. I don't go seeking drama. My solution to ending dangerous drama is to call law enforcement, which I've only had to do twice in 20 years outside of my job, and a few times at a job. Listening to people threaten to harm themselves, you or others over some petty thing is soul-destroying.

Half the threads I respond to on this forum, are because I'm doing work and I need "a break" from looking at coding, network logs, and source code, because those things are mind-numbingly boring puzzles that aren't getting solved unless I solve it. This is not the only forum I engage with people on, and I have the same "no, that's wrong" arguments about completely different things, with the same kind of results ("la la la, fingers in the ears".) There will always be people who don't want their world view challenged because in their mind "everyone does it", you can see this in the kind of knee-jerk reactions of "liberals vs conservatives" that occur in social media. One side is always doing something that is seen as unethical or immoral, and while it might be just a small fraction engaging in some asshattery, it's that small fraction that puts the spotlight on that activity that otherwise would have gone unnoticed and being given a pass by that side, and thus associated with that side of the political spectrum. When the asshats have the megaphone, they push an "ends justify the means" agenda, in which potentially good causes and ideas go down in flames. Right now Youtube is doing a really good job of destroying the minds of children and indoctrinating them into toxic behaviors. Social media, as I said, is bad for your mental health.

He didn't delete his character. He name changed and transferred servers.

I'm not stalking them so I wouldn't know if they deleted, renamed or transferred. All I saw was that their avatar has twice disappeared over the last three threads they created. So this pointed to deletion from drama. Also something about Discord, which I don't use.

Not every argument I really care about. To me playing the game is about having fun. If you're taking playing the game more serious than you would a human relationship, then the game is destroying you.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Don't wait for the knife to be at your throat.

[KaivaC]

@Kisai, I'm on mobile, so couldn't quote. The fact that you don't dislike me is honestly surprising. I wouldn't blame anyone if they did, however. Some of my earlier threads were indeed in response to something. Those, I've made no apologies for. The last one, I have because it was going a different direction. Like I implied before, very few people can actually reach me outside of the forums now, so really, there is no present drama. Nothing so dramatic that folks need to worry about me. I'm just another person on the forums, nothing more, nothing less lol

[Penthea]

Hell if I know, lol. Might just be that some people don't like me in general. Which is fine, I guess?

This was said in response to "OP, why are so many of your posts like poking a hornet's nest?"

And a few posts later you then said this:

The fact that you don't dislike me is honestly surprising. I wouldn't blame anyone if they did, however.

This bothers me a lot.

You said that the threads become toxic because people might dislike you...but you bring up controversial subjects that can have very polarising opinions. No matter how pleasant a person is, if they bring up a controversial topic it's going to cause friction.

You made a thread asking about garbage dps, you made another about a person hypothetically being told to quit the game, and you said in this thread that people might dislike you and show surprise when someone says the opposite.

I can't help but feel all this is connected, and judging from other posts I'm not the only one who has spotted this. I'm going to make a super amateur attempt at playing detective.

Someone or many someones told you that your dps is bad, they may have told you to quit the game and/or you got so upset over it that someone else said you need to quit because it's causing you way too much stress and grief. You love the game itself but your experiences with some people in it are upsetting you immensely. Because you can't get validation in the game, you go to the next best thing which are the forums and try to get it there instead. You speak vaguely about your personal situation as if it's a hypothetical thing you are curious about, and when you see much of what you saw in game repeated here you end up thinking it must be because people dislike you.

I could be very wrong but assuming I'm at least close...

Only you can completely remove yourself from an unpleasant situation. Attention seeking with these supposedly innocent thought exercises you make threads about and casual statements of self-hatred isn't going to help you at all. It appears you're going through something bad and to be blunt, what the hell can some random players on the forum do about it? We can't improve your dps for you, we can't stop pve elitism for you, we can't remove you from whatever toxic group you hang out with and we can't stop people from telling you to quit the game.

The most we can do is advise you. And my advice is take your situation into your hands and do something decisive to break the cycle instead of stagnating in the same crappy routine and migrating it from the game to the forums. There won't always be someone else to save you. Sometimes you have to work hard for your own happiness.

[KaivaC]

responses

? I don't think I said my last thread turned toxic, though I understand why it did when I forgot to include a question mark. But...maybe it would've went that direction anyways. I dunno for sure.

I feel like I've been on the defensive for the entirety of the thread, that I'm the subject, even though I've tried to redirect the conversation a few times now. I would rather not be the subject of the thread. There is nothing going on with me, k? Nobody should be worried at all about my well-being, everything is all good.

[Gin_Gray]

A ? Wouldn't have changed anything and if you think it would have then I seriously don't know at this point. I've read everything from start to messy finishing and a question mark wouldn't have changed a thing. I'd like to believe you're playfully naïve than delusional.