Social Anxiety

[rjspencer4]

I just keep to myself, game is still fun unless someone wants me to talk on discord (listening is fine but I would rather turn my console off then actually speak)

[Shihen]

I've been playing FFXIV for a few years now on and off, and I've always had such a hard time meeting people and being part of an FC. I feel like no matter where I go, I'm always inadequate, the odd one out in a group. Often times when I try to be a part of things, I always get very nervous and cop out at the last second. It's gotten to the point where I'd leave the FC and stop playing entirely for a while because I'd get so nervous.

I feel like a huge jerk when I let it show like that. I see other people in this game getting along, making friends and all that, and I'd like to experience that as well. Does anybody else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

Try not to feel too ashamed, it's something a lot of people struggle with. I remember wanting to throw up on presentation morning of my first public speaking course, but this other girl volunteered to go first. She started off talking about a beach or something, then the nerves kicked in. She started speaking faster and faster, rambling more, running out of breath mid-sentence, and the more aware that she was bombing it she became, the worse it got. It was hard to watch, but she got through it and sat down, and I just remember being surprised someone so seemingly normal could have such a hard time with something I thought I struggled with because I was flawed. It made me realize it was fine to be scared, and you just had to go through to get past. She got really good as the course went on too, think she finished with a B, which was amazing considering where she started.

That said, my solution to this is fairly boring. There was a good deal on company gym memberships when I started working, so I started doing that and it did wonders for my self image. It doesn't have to be the gym, but working on yourself and your own self esteem should be your top priority. People are pretty good at picking up on how you see yourself and will treat you accordingly.

[RiyahArp]

You might want to talk to a therapist or counselor if this affects more than in game, as many people who play MMOs also suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses.

I think those emotions you feel are your body reacting to stress, and it helps to realize that they aren't really you. If you recognize that it is stress, it's easier to deal with. If you are too stressed to do dungeon runs, invite people for treasure maps instead. If the thought of spending hours with people stresses you, do something and set a time limit. If it's just talking, just set a goal of saying "hi" to three or four people in your FC when they log in, regardless of whether or not they say hi back. Try and realize when those emotions flare up at you, and you may find the causes that trigger them. It can become a little easier to deal with.

[Lokier]

I have the opposite problem. I give people social anxiety.



On a side note, I get really anxious when I enter new content. Savage raids, primals... Join an FC, or group with FC members... If I know the people I'm gonna game with I get antsy as I feel I have to over-perform. >_>

[Kohlian]

I suffered this for years, I'm 25 and I'd say it only got better for me two years ago. It got so bad I just played them like a single player game and like everyone around me was a NPC. I discovered myself and the way I enjoy playing MMOs in the RP community. I'm not saying go RP, but find what makes you happy when you play Final Fantasy XIV and find people like that. I hope that helps, keep your chin up I'm sure you're awesome to play / talk with.

[CaptainCorgi]

Buh...thank you all for the friendly replies >.<. I suppose just forcing myself into things with small steps would help out some? I...really really dunno how to reply here, but it makes me feel a little more confident that people are being nice.

Just...bweh....thank you all, and sorry. >.<

[sarehptar]

Buh...thank you all for the friendly replies >.<. I suppose just forcing myself into things with small steps would help out some? I...really really dunno how to reply here, but it makes me feel a little more confident that people are being nice.

Just...bweh....thank you all, and sorry. >.<

Yeah, I think that's really the best way to go about it. Any time you want something to change in your life, it's going to mean going out of your comfort zone a bit, so if you just start small with the easiest things like popping a message or two into the chat each day, that will be a step in the right direction.

It will always start out hard, but once you start doing something routinely, it will get easier! Good luck out there!

[NolLacnala]

[ExKage]

I'm sure there are others who will say something similar (and some have), OP are you me?

Joking aside, I've been there. I once was asked by a former static raid mate to sub in for their caster dps in T8 before Savage and Duty Finder. I had only cleared T6 and was in between statics to work on T7 etc. During that one raid session I couldn't speak and I had literal tears running through my face and my leg shook like crazy. I honestly shouldn't have said yes but I came away from it feeling better even though I had all that self doubt, imposter syndrome, etc etc etc. I didn't want to embarrass my former raid mate or myself by underperforming or messing up. It went well and I ended up finding a group that needed a caster DPS for their T6-T7. I have issues putting myself out there but I'm not at the point where I'm physically feeling that anxiety come out.

If you keep taking the small steps to build your self esteem and your confidence, it'll get better. Playing this game with friends and progressing through content is one of the most enjoyable things out there. It takes time and effort but the reward is worth it.

[-Lilia-]

Im diagnosed with it. So I completely understand. Im moreso like this when people want to voicechat with me. My anxiety gets so bad, my heart beats like theres no tomorrow which makes it hard for me to be myself because Im thinking too much about my shaky voice. Chat-wise I have gotten so used to it now! But Im like you. Ive actually gone from group to group to group and more groups lol. Its tiring and lonely because I think I crave people to like me and I do everything I can to keep them in my life. It especially hurts when that doesnt go to plan, like you know when you finally feel comfortable and open up, joke with people. And then all of a sudden they stop talking to you... its the worst feeling. Iv got tough skin now. Having a mindset like- people come and go, its not you its them. As long as I am pushing myself thats all that matters.