Social Anxiety

[CaptainCorgi]

Anybody else feel super anxious and scared when playing this game (or heck, any social situation for that matter?)

I feel bad for bringing such weird, personal stuff to the forum like this, but I'm at a bit of a loss with what to do.

I've been playing FFXIV for a few years now on and off, and I've always had such a hard time meeting people and being part of an FC. I feel like no matter where I go, I'm always inadequate, the odd one out in a group. Often times when I try to be a part of things, I always get very nervous and cop out at the last second. It's gotten to the point where I'd leave the FC and stop playing entirely for a while because I'd get so nervous.

I feel like a huge jerk when I let it show like that. I see other people in this game getting along, making friends and all that, and I'd like to experience that as well. Does anybody else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

Thank you for reading, and again, sorry to bring such a weird subject up!

[Mahrze]

I don't think this is a unique thing. I see plenty of people following a similar pattern. But just like you were open here about it you can say the same (I know its difficult, I had an ex with a huge social anxiety and self-awareness issue) but when people know why is it that you act like this, they usually offer venues to help you be part of the group.

[ManuelBravo]

Not really -.-; over all it's like everyday life...you listen with our wanting to...in this case you read with out wanting to. Nothing wrong with a little socialization. I'm more of a one man FC because I rather do things on my own. If anything you can always just create and recruit an FC and play at your style. Sometime sit can be over whelming true...however nobody knows unless you tell them or show it. So just have fun. Pretend your in play, after all in online gaming you can express your self and be someone different. You pay a subscription, no one has the right to judge you, if there are not many who accept you find and stick with those that will. If you need help feel free to look me up ^^. I don't judge, I do however teach, and won't hesitate to to do so if it's truly needed. Not to put anyone down, but as a form of respect.

[Vstarstruck]

I think your situation is more common then me when on the internet in general. It is something I can't fully understand but try to help those like you but I end up failing because its something I can't personally understand. I just talk to people about whatever, not really hard for me fill up a friend list. Really weird having people shocked when they find out im 200/200 and need make room ><

I am sure people already see on these forms I am not shy when it comes to speaking my mind.

[Vladmiere]

I have noticed this as well. I think it may be that people play MMO's now thinking that since it supposedly in a gaming scenario that people will be playing the game for fun but people who have trouble in real life scenarios also seem to have the same issues in online games as well. Interaction in both online and real life situations still require basic social skills to have any success in. Take the initiative and become proactive to lead if you really struggle to fit in with groups. That is what I had to do to get out of my comfort zone. Whether it be forming a POTD team to combat lower levels together on a weekly basis or take that and expand to form a static raid team. You do not have to be a hardcore 6 hours a night 4x a week to make advancements in content in this game. SE has given you all its options via park rides and vertical raiding so use those tools to interact and enjoy yourself. Do not expect to live up to anyone else's standards but yours and as long as you are respectful and outgoing you will find your place.

[Squintina]

It's pretty common actually.

I bet if you look at the FC active member list, and look at who's talking in chat, that you're not the only one that doesn't chime in very often.

A lot of people DON'T care about the social aspects of an MMO. (and it's a common misconception that people who play MMOs must want to play /talk with others - no they don't.).
There is a lot of solo content for people who want to avoid social stuff entirely.
There are people who join FCs only for the buffs + people training chocobos and no other reason. There are people who forego all that and never join an FC.
There is also a subset of people who don't care much for friends or casual chatting but enjoy group content where the only chatting is figuring out what to do.
There are people, like me, who enjoy group content and chatting, but somehow never feel the need to add anyone to friends list.

It's ok and most people don't mind. Everyone's different and it's not like it affects them so you do you.

[Purrsnikitty]

I feel like a huge jerk when I let it show like that. I see other people in this game getting along, making friends and all that, and I'd like to experience that as well. Does anybody else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

I think the way people deal with it varies greatly, but you are most definitely not alone with that feeling. You are more than welcome to add me ingame if you want as well since we are both on Cactuar. Sometimes you just have to push yourself out of your comfort zone so you don't keep getting in your own way.

[Galgarion]

Anybody else feel super anxious and scared when playing this game (or heck, any social situation for that matter?)

Nope! I'm an energetic and highly sociable person who's comfortable speaking to crowds. People also love having me around because I'm really funny, which has won me a huge friend list and mild reknown on my server! The best part is that I'm legitimately the same way offline. Yep, good looks, a pleasant speaking voice, topical humor with a slight edge that's still inoffensive; just get me a robot waifu designed to look like Ann from Persona 5 and I'll have it all.

Oh, look at me going on about myself again. Yeesh, tell me, how can I help you? (I'm probably going to tell you to be more like me.)

[FunkYeahDragons]

It works differently for everyone, because social anxiety isn't deeply understood (afaik).

I was extremely shy when I was younger, to the point where I spent days psyching myself up to say "hello" on Teamspeak to my friend's guild (and then said nothing afterward if anyone else was in the channel). I kept meeting new people, trying new things, trying new places, eventually finding things that worked both in-game and in real-life.

At this point, most people who know me in FFXIV see me as extroverted and probably wouldn't guess what I've been through. You change your experiences, reactions, and perceptions over time, and an online game is a great practice arena. It's a world of its own where you can experiment with who you want to be, how you want to carry yourself, the relationships you want to have with others.

I think many people get nervous making new friends, even if it doesn't show. Connection and the possibility of rejection makes people feel a little vulnerable.

[Nandalowell]

How do you deal with it?

Every few years someone stumbles across me and we become friends for a while. Other than that I just do stuff that's interesting to me while being depressed and wishing I could be more involved.