Sad experiences of a newbie

[Chortle]

I'm used to more traditional healing model - me, a healer, just heal.

Here's the reason that doesn't work in FFXIV. Your heals do a lot more than in most other games relative to the damage tanks receive. You have down time and other skills at your disposal. Same can be said for any class.

Even if a tank has agro on every mob pulled, if all he/she is doing is spamming their taunts, they are not doing what the class was designed to do. Same goes for healers.

These people sound like they were rude, and that is not warranted. You should be healing, dpsing, and managing your mana though.