Part of it, too, I believe is the fact that they sprout you get as a new player is on a per-character basis and not a per-account basis. This ends up meaning that you can't distinguish a genuinely new player from an alt, and so people don't really pay attention to that anymore.

Healing in XIV has always been a contentious thing when it comes to multitasking between healing and DPSing. Personally it's the role I level last because it's the one I least look forward to. I do manage to heal and DPS well when I get to it, but it's always stressful. Unfortunately much of the community is in the "my precious time" mentality and can't stand to have a second of it wasted by someone else. Sorry to hear that it got to you so badly, but the DF has always been a place you're more likely to have a bad experience than a good one until you've really got a handle on how to play your role effectively.