So...have do you make friends?

[Jeibird]

it may sound cliche and I'm sure many others have already said it, but it's a waiting game mostly. be your best self you can be and wait to click with someone

when I was a sprout too felt weird about just joining any random fc so I didn't. I didn't make my first friends until level 32. I was near the burning wall when my path was blocked by an a rank hunt, mahaes

there was also someone leveling their miner class and mahaes was all up on her nodes. I made a throwaway comment, figured I'd wait to see if anyone would show up to kill it

we did small talk, I made a shitty cat pun and just like that I got an invite to her fc. that was years ago now and probably the best thing to happen to me.

disclaimer: I don't know anything about you so like if "yourself" is racist or a jerk don't be that guy, be someone else :V

[Joven]

So many people responding but not many people realise how hard it is for people with social anxiety .

While I can agree that a forum where you can think out your responses and someone putting you on the spot for a reply is two very seperate situations, this is a good way to feel comfortable talking to strangers and being able to open up more freely. I hardly talk to people in game, but I'm trying to be active on here to gauge how people respond to my particular brand of dialogue.

[Gemina]

Someone who saw this thread decided to try messaging me ingame, ugh, after I wrote how is it feeling when random people contacting me.

As for good news after a little meditation too boost self-confidence joined some random fc... but already feel I don't belong there.

I would actually be more surprised if someone didn't randomly contact you as a result of this thread. But if they mentioned they have seen your thread, that was the ice breaker. That is different than someone randomly contacting you just out of the blue because their dart just happened to land on your name. That person was actually reaching out, and it sounds like you shut the door on him/her. Not good. That goes against what you're trying to achieve.

As for your new FC, there can be a lot of contributing factors as to why you feel like you don't fit in. But based off of your previous statement, it is plausible that your thoughts and actions are not synced, meaning that how you feel and how you behave don't line up. I hate sounding like an internet psychologist, but it seems you have some protective barriers up.

I do apologize in advance if I am treading too deep, but the advice the other posters have been giving about being more open is very valid. However, it is also very possible that your interests and the interests of the FC don't line up. Just try not to be so quick to dismiss an opportunity. Give things a little bit of time to develop. Take into mind when I mentioned that things don't happen overnight.

[Avatre]

So many people responding but not many people realise how hard it is for people with social anxiety .

I have minor social anxiety, but I'm just naturally a quiet individual who observes, and will offer my input when it is relevant. Sadly, most people figure that I am just not wanting to talk...where in reality, I prefer to have meaningful conversations, and not gossip style conversations(which I find 90% of the time when I try talking to people in game =/...)

[Cylla]

snip

Similar situation for me also when I played on Hyperion. Got so feed up with the situation I was put in by the FC leader and so-called friends that I just finally up and left the server for Balmung. Still had a fair share of problems on Balmung at the start but over time through friendly chatter I've met some pretty decent people. One who I can proudly say has become a very close friend.

I tend to be on the not talking at all to light chatter side and very rarely do I just walk up to someone and start a conversation. In fact by the end of last year, I was trying to avoid people left and right. Didn't want to get to know anyone, didn't want friends, etc. Anxiety of being stuck in a bad situation overruled. Think it was back in Nov of last year, I left a FC on Balmung where I got trapped between some feud between the FC leader and her boyfriend. I was quick to realize both were psycho and left the FC. Horrible mess that was and made me not want to trust anyone even more.

But funny enough - Christmas eve night I took a chance and started talking to another player who I took a liking to. Was a total dork about it. I was anxious beyond belief and sent like this crazy random /tell at the end of the night and logged out before he could answer. I though, "My my god he's never going to speak to me again. Must think I'm crazy." Short of the story: Christmas day, he sent me a friend request the moment I logged in and since then, we've done everything together in the game and he's helped me a lot and via. We've just been close friends ever since.

So yeah, all it takes is a bit of stepping out of your shell. It hard I know because you may feel like you'll just end up in another bad situation. When I look back and think about it had I not taken that chance that night I'd maybe missed out on the chance of never having that person as such a close friend now. And maybe even had quit this game some months ago.

[Mikki]

I made a lot of friends by hanging out at the golden saucer and doing the events. Over time, you start to see the same people over and over again. It's easy to cheer them on or clap for them if they're doing an event and eventually you'll make friends that way. This same principle also works if you gather. You'll often run into the same people, especially if visiting unspoiled nodes once hitting level 50. You can say "hey again!" or something like that. Wave to them. Whatever. You might make friends like that! Or if you have an FC, make sure to talk to people a lot. Ask how everyone is doing. What they're up to. If anyone needs help. etc. You'll easily make friends and of course if you have an FC house, go around the neighborhood. See if there are people outside their homes. Wave to them, say "hey neighbor!".... see where it takes you.

Also, I always make it a point to send someone a tell if I like their name or glamour. Sometimes you'll find that people are more receptive than others though. Some will simply say "thanks" but sometimes they will be more willing to get into a conversation. Especially if you try to start one!

[Mikki]

Someone who saw this thread decided to try messaging me ingame, ugh, after I wrote how is it feeling when random people contacting me.

As for good news after a little meditation too boost self-confidence joined some random fc... but already feel I don't belong there.

Oh dear, this is your problem!!

As was stated in another reply... that person was giving you an icebreaker by saying they had seen your thread and were reaching out to you. You can't really expect to make friends if your feeling is that you dislike random contacts; most relationships in this game start as a random contact. My best friend on this game I randomly messaged him saying I liked his name and we hit it off really well. If you want to make friends, it's better to try being receptive to people contacting you randomly. They are probably trying to be friendly and make friends so it's your chance to do the same! It might make you a bit nervous and it may be difficult to think of how to reply but just try! n__n

If you feel like you don't belong in your new FC, try talking more in /fc chat. Ask everyone how they are doing and what they're up to. Share things from your own day with them. Discuss topics related to the game. What you think of the story so far (as long as you make sure it's ok to discuss and no one currently on is going to be spoiled by it!). Talk about your favorite characters or story arks. Talk about what content you wish to see in the future. Talk about lore. Talk about goals you have for the game, like getting certain gear or leveling up other classes. Ask people if they need help.

If you still don't feel welcome even after trying your best to communicate with others and be friendly, then maybe this isn't the best fit for you and that's ok too. You can always leave that FC and find another one.

[Meraii]

I think it can be very difficult to try and make friends by striking up conversations, especially if you are worrying if they'll ignore you or find you annoying or tell you off or ridicule you or the many other worries and what-ifs that spring to mind.

I was very lucky when I started the game, and I was playing a lala I managed to get spotted by a lala fanatic who tried to /tell me and I kept responding in the wrong channel because I couldn't work it out. They were very kind to me and I ended up joining their FC. People in the FC were not always very chatty and I worried that I was the outsider to a little clique, or that maybe FC social chatting just wasn't the done thing and that I'd annoy people. I mean, I'm not very chatty anyway and in fact I hate it when you log in and you get bombarded with a ton of questions for the sake of conversation, but I digress.
I made a point of saying 'Hello C:' and if anyone responded I would say 'How are you?' and leave it at that, unless someone then started a conversation off of it. And I would tell myself, if no-one replied then that was ok too but at least I did my part. I often felt a bit robotic and maybe I even came across that way. However, it did the trick and I now have a few people who want to do content with me sometimes, and through them I got used to doing emotes at people and managed to strike up conversations with strangers (usually about their house and their decorating).

Saying that, I too have characters on Omega now and I have not actually made any friends on that server. The sever just feels too unsettled currently.

[Kakiko]

As someone who carries diagnoses of generalized and social anxiety disorders, as well as a major depressive disorder diagnosis, I empathize and understand your hesitancy to being social. However, I want to say that you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Someone reached out to you based off this thread and your response to it was to essentially be either disheartened or disturbed. I understand that you want to make connections, but the first step has to be taken somewhere and since you've made it clear that you have difficulty with that, it'll have to come from someone else.

One of my favorite quotes is "if all you ever do is all you've ever done, then all you'll ever get is all you've ever got." If you want something in your life, you have to make steps to achieve it. Even if those steps are uncomfortable.