Quote Originally Posted by MoroMurasaki View Post
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I know you were responding to Miste but I saw some of my language in your post so I wanted to address some of this. Intent is key, right? "Thicker Skin" or "Sticks and Stones" as statements have PR problems, because in my (granted, anecdotal) experience I most often see them being co-opted by jerks who use them as a shield to hide behind after they've said something offensive. I don't think anyone would reasonably say you should take every anonymous comment to heart, because you just can't live that way. We're not made for it.

But I'd also make the point that what is one person's extreme is not another's. Even a benign statement can be the straw that break's the camel's back, and all the armor in the world isn't impervious to cracks, tears, and whatever else. The opposition to "sticks and stones" I think comes from a place of understanding that you never quite know what someone's condition is and it's better to be aware that even off-hand or innocuous comments can have big impacts. By the same token, you shouldn't walk on eggshells all the time either or avoid giving criticism just because you might upset someone. We can't live that way either.

Personally I always try to temper my language and see if my tone comes across harshly when typing since it's easy to misconstrue things without a voice to give you that guidance.

I don't think there's any objective best way, and I don't think having a "sticks and stones" approach makes someone a bad person. I think it's more about recognizing that the hard knock approach has often been used to justify pretty harsh and insensitive behavior, and making sure that you aren't being that person yourself. You're right that part of growing is also recognizing what you should and shouldn't let get to you. Kacho's also right about monitors not being very good substitutes for people, on top of text not being a good substitute for body language and tone of voice.

Sidenote: all of this is why PR people get paid a lot of money. Communication is hard, especially on the internet.