Dating & Romance Rant

[Wilford111]

Thank you everyone, for being so supportive and helpful. Honestly I wasn't expecting such positive responses from so many people.

Reading some of these was actually encouraging to me. Some of it was stuff I already knew, but probably the most useful stuff was about telling me to fix my self-esteem. To be honest, I don't know how I can do that. Ever since middle school my self-esteem has been really low, leading to some pretty serious depression at points. I've grown out of it for the most part, but I can't deny that it still comes up now and then. Especially when it comes to comparing myself to others. Comparing myself to others is something that happens so often that it is built into my psyche and I don't know how to get rid of it. I don't know what to do.

But at least I know what to work on. You've all been super helpful. I'm not quite at the point of wanting to try again, but it's back to the point where it's up in the air.

[TouchandFeel]

Especially when it comes to comparing myself to others. Comparing myself to others is something that happens so often that it is built into my psyche and I don't know how to get rid of it. I don't know what to do.

The best advice I can give you as far as this is, it's honestly pointless comparing yourself to other people. Most of the time you are comparing yourself to a false view of a person rather than the reality of them and if you already have a penchant for being down on yourself, you are most likely subconsciously inflating the greatness of the person you are comparing yourself to. Trying to compare yourself to an unrealistic and false idealized image of someone else will always result in you coming up short.

The only comparison you should be making is the you that currently exists and the you that you want to become.

I'll leave you with a humbling thought that hopefully provides some perspective. Even the most beautiful, most glamorous, most idolized person in the world still goes poop.

[Kakiko]

snip

If I could like your posts a hundred times, I would. Seriously.

[Leowilde]

Take your time, bud. There's no rush but your own. Work on things a little at a time. Enjoy little milestones for what they are, no matter how small, don't try to tackle the whole self esteem issue in one big go. Once you start rolling, it gets easier. I know this from experience, having struggled with my own self esteem.

[Lalafallen]

Some of it was stuff I already knew, but probably the most useful stuff was about telling me to fix my self-esteem. To be honest, I don't know how I can do that.

Let me tell you something. Not even two years ago I was a complete mess. My self-esteem was so low and I was so scared of anyone that I wasn't even able to talk to the shop assistant when I had to get something from the store. I had a boyfriend at that time, but he didn't really care about me, and no normal friends who I could talk to. And god, I hated myself so much for that. I always felt like that one weird girl who would never have a meaningful, strong relationship or awesome friends and thus fun experiences, because all I did was sitting at home, reading and playing video games.

Well, things happened, me and my boyfriend broke up and I was completely alone. And I realized: There was no other way then to change my life - or it wouldn't end well.
What I did was hard at first, but after a while it worked. I pushed myself in all those situations I hated and forced myself to say or do things I always dreamed of saying or doing, but was too scared to do so. It was horrible, it was scary and I hated it, but it definitely worked. I'm so much more confident with "risky" situations or with things I'm not sure how other people will react. Ofc there are still a few "red lines" I'm still not able to cross, but - and that's another important thing I've learned - that's absolutely okay.

Pushing me into situations I hated finally helped me not only to find my soulmate but also lovely friends I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

As I said before, I've always been an avid reader and gamer. I've never been to a club because I just don't like loud music and many people stuffed in one small place, so I rather spend my evenings at home and do my own thing. When I got older, everyone told me that I was weird and not normal with what I was doing. My first ex-boyfriend even had the nerve to tell me that I was "sick in the head" because I didn't want to drink alcohol with him when I was just 16. Those things sticked with me and I started to believe them. Now that I am older, I learned that this way of thinking was just stupid. That I'm not weird or not normal, that this is just me. That people like different kinds of things and that I just like books and games more than dancing with other people. And that's completely fine. So, in a way I learned to respect myself for being who I am and not patheticly trying to fit in somehow. A realisation that made me even stronger.

Another thing that helped me a lot was getting a hobby. Okay, that sounds like a stupid advice, but when I started getting into graphic design and learned to create things - good looking things after a while - I got more and more confident with my skills. I realized that I wasn't useless, that I only spend my time wasting away, that I was really able to do something cool. That was a big self-esteem-boost aswell.

So, to sum it up: Just do it! Even if you're scared, even if you don't know how a situation might end, just be brave and go for it. If you wait and wait and wait maybe someday far away in the future something might change, but do you really want to wait for that long for a vague "maybe"? You have a mouth to speak and hands to work with, so start to use them right now and do something with your life. You just have to start.

I wish you all the best in life!