Dating & Romance Rant

[Kakiko]

I'm not shy about this. I got dumped out of the blue last week. It sucked. It hurt a lot, because the words used were cruel and as though chosen to cause the most harm, coming from a person who claimed they loved me. The words used were also similar words, and the circumstance was almost identical, to ones said to me last year by another fellow I had fallen head over heels for, and also came out of the blue that time. I'm 32, never married, no kids, and some days it feels like time is running out for me. But that's on me; those feelings are my own and I recognize that there are 7 billion plus people on this planet. It's statistically impossible that there is no one out there with whom I would be compatible. The same goes for you.

I could give up. You could give up.
But life's not about giving up.

You take time. You re-evaluate yourself. You get really intimate with your flaws and your strengths, and you build from there.

You're better and I'm better than what we've had or lost.

One of my favourite quotes: "If all you do is all you've ever done, then all you'll get is all you've ever got." Meaning, get out of your comfort zone and break your cycle. It's hard and it sucks. Humans are creatures of habit. We get comfortable and we stay in our rut. But that rut will only lead us to more of the same. Break free and carve a new path.

I started hitting the gym and the pool this week. It sucks; I'm fat (flaw) but I'm determined that I am going to leave my ex in my dust and I will f*cking shine so bright while he will still be where he is now: living w/ his parents, working a minimum wage job, doing nothing with his life but playing video games and looking for someone who doesn't take "energy" or "patience" to be with.

Carve your path. No one else is going to do it for you.

Coming from a female perspective: Confidence is key. We can sniff out insecurity a mile away and insecurity usually means that we're going to have to constantly be trying to raise you up and oftentimes without reciprocation. I've had insecure guys, and they may have been nice people but absolutely no one can give you self-confidence but yourself. You have stuff to offer, don't sell that short and don't fixate or focus on your negatives when reaching out to potential partners. Focus on what you can offer someone else, what you bring to the table, because relationships are partnerships first and foremost, even if you have to "fake it 'til you make it", come in with a swagger and a "yea, this is me - this is why I'm awesome!." Furthermore, I know it's easy to fall into the "woe is me" state, but nip that in the bud. You and only you are responsible for your emotions and your attitude in life. No one else. And to echo what someone else said, you should want to be in a relationship because you like that person, not because you just want a relationship.

So to recap:

Carve your own path.
Learn/gain some self-confidence in what you, personally, bring to the table in a relationship.
Realize that only you are responsible for your life and your emotional state.
Get out of your comfort zone and try something new.

Best of luck!