Dating & Romance Rant

[TouchandFeel]

I see your "wall of text" and raise you.

Okay, where to start ...

First off, yeah this, or any non-"real life romance related online venue" tbh, is probably not the best place to open this can of worms or to expect good or compassionate responses or advice, not saying that you won't get any, just be prepared for some potential nastiness. Also, don't be surprised if this thread is locked by forum mods due to being very "off-topic" relative to the game.

However, I'll bite and give you some quick feedback based on what I read.

For starters, you need to realize that relationships are oftentimes difficult and chances are you will go through many many many many many many (you get the point) relationships until you find one that truly works for you. Far too many young people today, especially those who are more introverted in nature such as yourself expect a great relationship to happen to them, as if they just magically stumble upon it like finding a coin on the sidewalk. That's not how a good relationship happens, they require work, time and a whole lot of effort. Sure, you can meet someone you like or are attracted to by happenstance, but that is just an opening and one that you will get many of throughout your life. The difficulty lies in taking advantage of those openings and nurturing them and learning from any ensuing relationships. Once you start dating and having relationships, it's really just a learning and evolving process. You will have successes and you will have failures, you just need to learn from them and grow and try to do better next time. Giving up is not really an option, because as I already stated a good relationship doesn't magically just happen to you.

Now for the harsh part.
No offense intended, but I feel like you are being your own worst enemy in regards to finding a relationship that suits you.

You declare that you feel subpar as a person, which for starters is a terrible way to look at yourself. Everyone has strengths and everyone has weaknesses, everyone has things that are great about them and everyone has flaws. It's part of being human. The only way you can make yourself lesser than other people is to believe that you are. This sounds cheesy as hell, but it is the first mistake you are making in regards to potentially finding a relationship, you are selling yourself short. If you are convinced you are not worthwhile, how can you expect anyone to see you as worthwhile. The only thing that people can really go off of when meeting you and interacting with you is the way that you portray yourself and if you believe yourself to be lesser than others then that is what you will be putting out and what people will respond to. You need to gain confidence in yourself by recognizing the good qualities that you have and bringing those to the forefront, nurturing and growing them, all the while recognizing and accepting your shortcomings and working to improve and overcome them.
Resigning yourself to failure is the only way you will ever truly and utterly fail. You can fall down a hundred times but as long as you get back up you have the chance to try again and succeed.

Next, you say that you are not a social person and that you normally just go home and play video games. That there is a problem. If you want to meet people and potentially develop a relationship, romantic or otherwise, you need to put yourself in situations to actually meet real people in real life. That doesn't mean going out to bars and clubs every weekend or whatever, but you need to find ways to get out and meet more people. I would recommend trying to go to things like house parties with friends or even get-togethers with work colleagues. Find ways to get involved with and go to actual social events with like-minded people. If you are into other types of games like table-top gaming, try to find a place that hosts games and stuff like that. If they have arcades near where you live, maybe try to check them out. You can often even find local groups that cater to specific interests like video-games, anime, comics, or whatever that have meet-ups by looking online. Simply put, if you want to meet people you are going to have to go out and actually meet people. Isolating yourself will not lead to that. This may be difficult if you are shy, but you got to do what you got to do. Gaining confidence, like I already talked about, and having friends to lean on to help you out will be indispensable for breaking out of your shell.

Don't expect online "dating forums" and stuff like that to solve your problems. You will have better luck gaining experience with how to approach gaining and growing a relationship by interacting with real people in real life, face to face. It may be scarier because it is more, no pun intended (well maybe a little), in your face and may feel more personal but it is precisely because it doesn't have the relative safety-net of the internet that it will be way more valuable in regards to teaching you how to interact with people and present yourself even if it feels like a trial by fire.

Now this is very important, curb your expectations of relationships. So many people feel they need to be in a relationship or else they have no or at least diminished worth. A person's self-worth comes from themselves and the expectation that you should have someone else there to validate you is actually selfish and inevitably destructive. Forcing the responsibility of your own worth on the shoulders of another can easily drive people away because it makes you come off as needy and it puts a lot of pressure on the other person in the relationship, which will often be too much for people to handle. Relationships are honestly a lot more of giving than they are of taking, and when both parties are doing this you are much more likely to end up with a successful relationship. So again, gain confidence in yourself and don't rely on others to provide it for you. Relationships are not there to provide you with happiness, they are there to share your life with another person and hopefully find happiness together.

Keep in mind the way you say you feel regarding yourself and relationships, pretty much everyone feels like that to differing degrees at different times. Everyone at times questions their own worth, everyone gets lonely and yearns for companionship, everyone at some point has wondered why anyone would bother with them. Chances are there are a good number of potential companions that feel just like you and are waiting for someone to come along and just simply say "hello".

Now to end where we began. Don't expect to just have a relationship just happen to you, you will have to work for it and often times work hard. I have so often heard people of the self-proclaimed nerdy persuasion malign about how they "just can't get girls/guys" and one of their friends tells them "hey, you're awesome! you don't need to change. you'll find the right girl/guy". To be brutally honest, that is not entirely true and such advice can often lead to a person screwing themselves over. While one should never compromise the core of their inner being, finding and starting a relationship is much like having and maintaining one; it takes change, compromise and growth. You really have to put your best attempt at your best foot forward which means you have to portray yourself in the best way you can. The way you portray yourself when meeting someone sends a lot of non-verbal signals; everything from how you dress, to how well groomed you are, to even how you speak and interact. Basically you need to portray that you care about and value yourself which is much more likely to result in a person responding to that and seeing value in you. Things that can help with this are to dress nicely, not over the top mind you but not like a slob, to keep yourself groomed by maintaining you facial hair and such, and most of all be confident in yourself and your own self worth (do I sound like a broken record yet?). These things may sound silly, lame or whatever, but it is surprising how things like these really can make you feel good about yourself which will breed self-confidence. Approach interactions with potential romantic interests with the mindset that your presence there is valuable and that the person you are interacting with is valuable, this sets the precedence that both people are valued and therefore the interaction is more likely to be valued.
Always try to be the best you that you can be and when you feel you have achieved that try to be even better. This will build the value others see in you and the value you see in yourself.

Don't stress yourself out over this concept of "relationships require work" and instead think of it as work to help you love yourself and to self improve, that way you are in the right place internally to pursue a successful relationship when the time and right person comes along.

Whew ... I think that is enough rambling and "Dear Abbey"ing for the night.

Anyways, I hope my opinions and advice prove some benefit to you and best of luck in not only finding someone else to love, but finding you can love yourself.

Always remember, there is no advice guaranteed to bring you success, there is no silver love bullet, no metaphorical Cupid's arrow. I don't even believe what I have said will work for everyone, people are too varied and complicated.
The only things that are universally true is that anything that has true value has to be worked for and earned, including relationships and that true success is the result of failing over and over and learning from each and every one.