Dating & Romance Rant

[Wilford111]

I apologize if I shouldn't be posting here, but I really have nowhere else to post. Plus the FFXIV community is the one I feel closest to, having played this game for about 1.5 years. I want to share my feelings on this particular topic.

Also, this is about the overall result of my ongoing struggles finding a meaningful relationship with a significant other. If you are reading this and come to the conclusion that I can't find a girlfriend because I come across as a mean or impatient person, please understand that I'm not always like this. I just feel heated right now and want to rant and let my emotions out.

So basically, I'm done trying to find a girlfriend. I'm so sick of having my hopes go up and down. I can't find a girlfriend irl, or online, so I'm just done at this point. There's no hope for me. I'm not assertive enough, I don't have enough confidence, whatever the case may be, I'm just not fit to be out there in the dating world. Let me explain.

Continued below.

[Wilford111]

Now look, irl I am a very shy, reserved, slightly below average looking guy. I can talk to people, but I'm not the kind of person who hangs out with people socially. I've gone on the occasional dinner get-together with coworkers a few times, but that's the extent of it. My free time usually goes straight to my bedroom playing games or working on various creative projects that I never finish.

When I started playing FFXIV, I got really excited to make new friends because, as I thought at the time, I was about to hang out with my kind of people; the people who like to stay at home and play video games. And this was sort of my gateway to meeting people who were like me; alone and not very social but want to meet people, so they play an mmo.

[Wilford111]

I did meet friends when I joined, after a couple days. Guys and girls alike. It was great! I was part of an FC, and they helped me go through the motions and stuff. I also met friends from all over the server, some being closer than others, and I was having a great time in general. But the entire time, in the back of my mind, I wanted companionship. I wanted a girlfriend.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know what the THING is that people do to get together romantically. I have friends that are girls, some I have a crush on, but I that's the end of it. I don't want to ask them out, because I don't want to come across as creepy or have them look at me in a weird way and become estranged to me. I don't want to lose my friends. But I also feel so lonely. Friends are great, but I'm missing that feeling of companionship.

[silverlunarfox]

I have friends that are girls, some I have a crush on, but I that's the end of it. I don't want to ask them out, because I don't want to come across as creepy or have them look at me in a weird way and become estranged to me. I don't want to lose my friends.

I found the problem right here.

Fear.

But conquering that just takes time. Don't be desperate and force things to happen, but hey if opportunity arises, meet it. Ask a friend out for a dinner date. Doesn't have to be serious but it can give you an idea of where it can go. If nowhere, well at least there is good food to be had

Also don't forget its OK to be alone. It took me a while to accept that, and once I did, I became a better person, and thats when I met my husband. But it wasn't instant or over night. It started out as fun. And thats how it should be. Just don't be so serious about HAVING to have a serious relationship right off the bat. Have some fun and enjoy life too!

[Wilford111]

Recently, out of a sort of desperation I guess, I joined a dating forum for nerdy people who like anime and video games and stuff like that. I wanted to put myself out there as a single guy who is looking for a significant other. But the forum was just like any other forum I've ever been to. Just a community of people talking about stuff. There were topics about dating and stuff like that, but when I look at girls' profiles, I can see that already dozens of guys were chatting with them, and I wondered why I should bother.

I'm not that social of a person, especially when I compare myself to other guys. What do I have to offer that other guys don't? Heck if I know. I feel so much like giving up. In this kind of fandom, I understand there are more guys than girls. I don't feel like I can compare to other guys. So what's the point in trying?

[Venoshock]

Recently, out of a sort of desperation I guess, I joined a dating forum for nerdy people who like anime and video games and stuff like that. I wanted to put myself out there as a single guy who is looking for a significant other. But the forum was just like any other forum I've ever been to. Just a community of people talking about stuff. There were topics about dating and stuff like that, but when I look at girls' profiles, I can see that already dozens of guys were chatting with them, and I wondered why I should bother..... I don't feel like I can compare to other guys. So what's the point in trying?

I have a problem with this right here. You need to think higher of yourself. So what if there's other guys trying? Don't think about them, think about you and what you think is your best quality and you never know that gilr may see something special in you. Don't give up. If YOU like that girl, don't give a fuck about what those other guys want. It's a competition, bruh and if you really cared for that girl and whatever future you see with her, you wouldn't and shouldn't give up so easy.

[Wilford111]

I'm sorry this is going on so long but I'm gonna try to wrap it up. A relationship, to me, feels like an elusive myth that can never be obtained. It's like getting rich or having tons of fame. Sure people can get it, but I never could. At this point I'm ready to just live the rest of my life in solitude. There's no point anymore, and it's a waste of time and effort to try and get something I could never obtain.

Sorry for the walls of text. I suppose I'm done ranting for now. Feel free to tell me what I'm doing wrong, or why I'm looking at the dating life in the complete wrong way. I'd love some feedback but I really don't know if I have the strength to try again. I just feel so hopeless about it.

Anyways, thanks for reading.

[Anienai]

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtBb4ASMeQ4

Listen to the prophet.

[Shihen]

Before you do anything else, stop and forget about romantic relationships temporarily. Focus on making friends with girls, in real life, with only friendship in mind. The collective advice from different female friends that know you personally is what you need right now. They can tell you exactly what you're doing wrong, what you're doing right, and why.

[KaivaC]

Well...the problem is you're not taking a risk. All you have to say to your crush is, 'Would you like to go out/hang out' sometime. It's a easy question. If they say no, pack it up and move on. You have to get out of your comfort zone and actually approach someone if you want to go out with them. Same with online dating. So what if they might be taking to other guys...if they're not dating anyone, then you have a chance.