Tips on being a mentor but not sounding bossy

[Miste]

However, if you're talking playing the long game with openly advocating that people not jump the gun and make assumptions about people's intentions, then I completely agree with you. If enough people did so, in the long term, there would be changes.

I said that point multiple times D:

I guess there was some confusion or you missed it.

Even if the thread isn't really looking for long term it still is a good thing to mention that it isn't only one side of this that needs to rethink their approach. It takes at least two people to have a conversation so all the responsibility isn't only on the person initiating it to be mindful. The person on receiving end should be as well. Long term or not respect goes both ways.

I also wanted to point out that people should be aware that even if they change how they word things to softer speech it doesn't mean they won't get backlash anymore. My personal experience taught me quickly that no matter how softly you try to word things it can still result in bad backlash and insults from the other person. I also feel like some people consider all the fault of such an encounter lies with the person who initiated the dialogue...which is completely false.

What I envisioned when I said to "be" of help, was almost akin to acting. But in honest action instead of fake acting. A natural occurrence of the factors involved, no more, no less. "Act" yourself, instead of "be" yourself. By injecting dynamism and showing, not telling, the point, you are more likely to overall succeed in moving their position and actions instead by pure words alone. If they see the party suffering they are more likely to think and do something about it than if they were told about the effects, or even worse, persuaded to see it that way. It means sometimes you must even play along, fool around with them, joke alongside with them, even try their standpoint. But no more, no less, than as if naturally occurring. You are not the efficiency police. Nor a mentor. Just another player who may or may not happen to share an experience with them.

I'm sorry, but like I said initially I think you've misunderstood what I was saying. I have no idea what your response has to do with what I said. Efficiency police? I don't do that...I never said I do that? Sorry I just don't know what you are trying to tell me.

Someone potentially getting upset is a poor reason to withhold advice. We would have far less players wearing the wrong equipment or not using skills properly if more people just spoke up.

I feel bad for not speaking up, but I am also sick and tired of getting insults flung at me for it too. I mean no one should have to deal with harassment and sometimes I don't feel like being abused even if it is just with words. There is enough reasons to get depressed sometimes without adding more; so if only it didn't keep happening I would be happy to speak up more often to help (I used to help way way more often, but after so much I have eventually come to more often keep my mouth shut)....as it stands I have been harassed for pretty much anything you can think of.

Asked a PLD politely to use Shield Oath in a leveling dungeon because he had no oath on and couldn't hold hate.
Got all sorts of swears flung at me then they quit the dungeon then the rest of the party blamed me for making us lose the tank.

Reminded an AST politely that they forgot their sect.
Got harassed and they kept making fun of me for my glamour for the next half of the run and about any thing they consider bad about how I play even though nothing was going wrong until I got fed up and left.

Reminded a NIN they forgot their poison.
Got harassed.

Politely mentioned to a SMN (who was only using Shadow Flare and Ruin II exclusively) that Bio, Bio II, and Miasma are also great spells and fun to use.
Also mentioned to that SMN about the cannons in Stone Vigil HM after the fight that if they get this dungeon again use the cannons to hit the boss. (I saw they weren't using them)
Got harassed with a nice "f*** off"

Tried to politely mention to a NIN in The Vault who was using an i100 weapon where they could get a better one if they wanted after we finish the dungeon.
Got called an "elitist b****" by the healer. (Even though the NIN actually thanked me for the advice after).

This is only a few of them, there is plenty more.

Maybe I am just insanely unlucky I don't know, but this is depressing and has jaded me. I get that there are bad apples everywhere, but you cannot blame a mentor who rarely speaks up without being asked...considering what can happen if they do. I've seen many people comment that they don't want unsolicited advice and it seems to be in my case the people I run into the most and it sets them off to do so.

I am not saying mentors shouldn't ever speak up, if they are fine with the reactions they get, I am just saying you cannot really blame the silent ones...you never know what they went through :/

I mean I like doing mentor roulette because it is fun to play different jobs for it and you never know what content you are going to get, but there is only so much someone can take and if it is better to get the content done for the group and avoid verbal abuse, vote kicks, people leaving, party disbanding then I may do that instead of saying anything. After all mentor player or not this game is supposed to be entertainment and it is supposed to fun first and foremost. Insults being thrown at you doesn't really fall into those categories.

I am not saying you blame mentors who don't speak up, but I just wanted to point out why some may withhold advice unless specifically asked for some.