Sea Shanty Story Project

[Meteoplex]

Hello to everyone in the FFXIV community! Me and some of my fellow FC members have been working on a project of mine for University. The idea behind the project was to demonstrate how sea shanties can be used to tell a story as well as exposing the genre to a new potential audience.

It would mean a great deal to me and the team if the community could watch the first completed short film from the project and additional give me any helpful constructive feedback.

This first film is titled 'The Goobbue Queen' and follows a poor girl's adventure who recently lost her brother to a Goobbue.

Everyone on the small team has worked incredibly hard, so I hope you all enjoy it!

Shaniqua Mabuse (Lich)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRs_ix7-LpM&t=5s

[Iggyplatinum]

Has potential! Narrative/dialogue would add to the story as well as support the details that you have mentioned (like having the sister "!" right at the scene or with Goobue and her brother as opposed to being somewhere else.) Perhaps Sea Shanty could also showcase crafter guilds to emphasize the work aspect of the song.

[Meteoplex]

Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate your time and ideas

[Vidu]

First off let me say that I really like the music! It sounds really great - but there is a "problem" I'm having with it that made it kinda difficult for me to follow the video. Infact it made it so difficult for me to follow, that I stopped half way through - the reason I mention that is not to discourage you, but because its part fo my honest feedback: Sadly, you lost me half way through.

So, I hope telling you why you lost me, will count as constructive feedback, too...?

1) As I already said there is a "problem" with the music and that is: I'm not a native english speaker, understanding the text was difficult for me and it was basically "Focus very hard on that or pay attention to the video" - I would have been very gratful for subtitles
2) I noticed a high amount of cuts or cross-fades (I believe they're called that?) and they seemed rather "distracting" to me than adding to the enjoyment of the video. So instead of cuts every few seconds, I'd try for longer shots - specially when you're staying in the same area. (for example: make one constant shot through the pub in Limsa or on the boat instead of starting three times over)
3) You dont get a really good look on the boy in the beginning, but from your describtion here he is supposed to be the brother of the black Hyur? Maybe you could emphasis things like that by giving both characters some similar characaristic and showing that. That could be the same skin-colour (and should be in this case), but also a certain piece of equiment they share, that would link the two closer together.
4) I totally did not understand what the catgirl was doing there except for using all her emotes - maybe the song would have provided me with that information and for someone whos better at english than I am, it was crystals clear but as it stands right now, I'm only left with questions - Is she an old friend of the Hyur? Was she hired to avenge the brother? Did she show up to recruit the Hyur to go on an adventure?
Since the following 10 minutes didnt help to make any of that clear and just added to the confusion on my side, it kinda lost me, sorry
Some dialouge or more of a storytelling-feature would be really helpful here.
5) The story is, as far as I can tell, very weirdly paced - one moment that girl is wearing old clothes and seems to be a farmer, the next day the joins the mrds guild, gets really drunk and defeats a giant sea sepernt single handedly the next morning? Is the twist that everything was just a dream here?
6) Whats that girls motivation anyways? Why is she doing what shes doing?

Maybe I'm under some missconception of how this is supposed to tell one coharent story, but I missed something like a "common thread" here - I dont know how you planed this, but it might be helpful to look at every scene and ask yourself what you're telling here and if its relevant to the whole story.
Why do we go from Levithan to "looking for a traitor"? Are you just telling episodes out of her life here? If thats the case, you might want to make that clearer.

To me it felt as if there were parts of the story missing, while others got dragged out for to long. My very personal advice would be to focus on shorter, more structured stories first (for example here: Gobbue kills boy, sister wants to avenge him, sister goes and train, so she can finally kill the Gobbue - end screen: sister at brothers grave)
Being from northern germany my understanding of sea shanties always was that they're rather "simple" songs by sailors - so personally I'd expect them to tell simpler, shorter stories a bit more like fairytales, if you understand what I mean?

(I hope I'm making sense here - I got interrupted while typing here >.< And I hope you wont be mad at me - its not that I didnt like your work and its always amazing to see how much effort people are putting into that sort of things, so a big thumbs up for that! But since you asked for honest feedback, I tried to give you mine - maybe I was just to stupid to properly understand the whole thing xD)

[Meteoplex]

Sorry for the late reply i've been busy with other University work. Firstly, thank you for your feedback. I'll address each of your points now to clear things up.

1) did not even consider non-native speakers, which was foolish of me so thanks for the heads up and I agree that would be an improvement.
2) I am a music graduate and this is my first try at video making. I get what you are saying and I too agree that there were too many cuts, however I was working to a deadline to there is that too, but again thank you for tips I will be sure to use them in the future.
3) You are correct, the boy is the brother of the Black Hyur. As this is an important plot point your improvements regarding the two siblings have been noted.

[Meteoplex]

4) This was one of those things where it makes perfect sense to be but might not to everyone else. the cat girl is the Goobbue Queen, She controls all Goobbues. She killed the Black Hyur's Brother and in some sick, sadistic move wanted to then kill the Black Hyur also. the cat girls hires the woman to kill Levi (hoping that the woman will perish in the process). After the Black Hyur slays Levi she goes searching for the cat girl and when she find her, the cat girl is exposed as the Goobbue Queen and it flashes back showing that the cat girl was present at the death of her brother.
5) the drunk scene was meant to be a sort of I gunna get you drunk so you'll agree to doing something for me scene.
6) the Black Hyur ends up wanting revenge for her brothers death, the cat girl want her and her family dead cause she is evil.

Hope that goes some way to answering your questions and again thank you for your feedback it is much appreciated.

[Vidu]

Hope that goes some way to answering your questions and again thank you for your feedback it is much appreciated.

Thanks for your reply anyways though! I got a little worried that I was to "harsh" (and that even for the wrong reasons: because I was just unable to understand the whole thing), but I'm glad you found something useful in those comments

So, all I want to add real quick: My "complains" about to many cuts is crying on an already kinda high level - specially for someone with no experience it was really good! So that was more meant as a heads up or point where you can improve (much like me proofreading a text and telling the author "Its already good, but you can use a better word here")

So, keep up the good work!
Even if I'm terribly nitpicking I'm really impressed with it and how much work and effort people like you are putting into projects like this

(Also: you can bypass the characterlimit on the fourm and avoid doubleposts by editing your first post - just type everything, copy it, post as much as it lets you and then edit it)