I think part of the problem we as disabled individuals face is that people who don't suffer from whatever condition we have can't truly know how debilitating they can be. Sometimes I wish I could just transfer how I feel and think to people so they can experience what I do. Back in August of last year (2016) I got a panic attack out of nowhere. Normally panic attacks last 10-20 min for most people. This one lasted nearly 2 months. Every day, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced in life. It was literally a living hell that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. In that nearly 2 months I lost almost 40 lbs because my body had so much adrenaline pumping through me and I couldn't hardly eat on top of that. I was in the emergency room 18 times. I was admitted to the psychiatric ward of 2 hospitals to try and find medication to stop the panic attack. At one point I had only gotten 4 hours of sleep in 7 days. I started having auditory hallucinations from lack of sleep. I called 911 for an ambulance a few times (panic attacks sometimes feel like heart attacks). When the paramedics showed up one of those times they took my vitals and my blood pressure was 200/110 and heart rate was 180. It got so bad that I began contemplating suicide. The doctors in the ER and psych units were rude and condecending. It was during those times that I wish I could share what I was feeling with them so they could truly understand. Even my wife had no clue what I was going through. I now have PTSD over the whole situation. Fortunately the panic attack stopped with the aid of antidepressant medications. My symptoms faded over time and my life started going back to normal. The PTSD I mentioned, whenever my heart rate goes above 100 I start getting really bad anxiety which makes my heart rate even higher. The whole point of me sharing this is not to get attention but to show those without disabilities what it can be like for us who have them. Sometimes it can be hell. Sometimes, at least for me, it's like my brain is rebelling against logic and reason and becomes my worst enemy. It is hard, especially when you throw in my back issues, but I still manage to wake up every day. It is nice to have a distraction like Final Fantasy XIV. I can get lost in the story. Explore beautiful and interesting environments. Get lost in the amazing music. I can make new friends and team up to tackle challenges.