\o\ Finding your Sweet Lover (Or Nightmare) /o/

[Domeric]

Best buddy system is set up to fail because someone doesn't pay their monthly sub to humor another player they're unceremoniously paired with. They play for themselves.

[Fluffernuff]

I don't appreciate using people with anxiety or other conditions not unlike it (such as depression) as a carrot on a stick in order to push a demand. Please, either speak for yourself or don't wave a flag for others. I find that quite disgusting behavior.

Especially when the tools they might need to help them overcome, or at the very least cope, cannot and should not be pressed upon them in a game. Did you ever think people with anxiety might, I don't know, keep it to themselves? I certainly wouldn't want a game to highlight I "need" a friend.

It's all fine and good to bring it up as a negative for say... raiding or PvP, as personal contribution tends to weigh more heavily there, yet having a "buddy" isn't going to ease that burden any less. do you really think if someone is so far gone that it makes a different between 7 people heckling them or 6? Also... if someone has anxiety over their ability to raid and therefor.... avoids raiding. then how is having their new "buddy" forcing them into it going to help? Honestly, it's much more damaging to force someone's fear against their will than it is for them to put forth their own effort.


These are issues that go far beyond the scope of an MMO, and can only truly be attempted coming only from a person willing to tackle them. It is a personal commitment- that is to say no amount of casual interaction with others will never actually "heal" those suffering. For you to think so is quite... troubling.

So again, I ask that you please not speak for or try to champion for those with anxiety... ESPECIALLY if you yourself do not suffer from it yourself.

Personal attacks, notes, whatever you may call it are not welcomed here. I will be sending out reports despite the many warnings.

This, especially has me quite angered.
1) silencing opposition under such a vague and subjective description as "personal attacks" helps no one. If I don't approve of an idea being forced upon me (yes, it is forced if i can't dispute it), I have the right to speak for myself on the matter, thank you.

2) following your stance about helping those about anxiety, or fostering a friendly or open community? getting mixed signals here.



At the end of the day, this system achieves very little. I say this because such a system, if even implemented, would need incentives. Not everyone on the planet is a Samaritan. You can't expect a system within a game. to ask something from you, whether it be time or other resources, in exchange for nothing. To ask that with the only reward as "a warm fuzzy feeling" will more or less handicap the system, removing those that -could- have used the system.

Those of us that actively look for and give our free time willingly to those that want or need it already will and do. This tool would not only dilute those waters, but assign us a... singular person to help? wow, that only prevents us from helping multiple people at once.

Either i -have- to help this new buddy i signed up for, or i leave them hanging to assist someone else, or vice versa. I can't be in 2, 3, 4+ places at once. I can't be helping 1 sproutling with some level 50 gear to set them up for heavensward when all of a sudden my designated buddy comes on pleading me for a run through toto-rak. The system fails there. Am I bound/forced to help my buddy, leaving the person I promised to and started to help to wait? do i continue to finish my task while forcing my buddy to wait, thus nullifying the supposed benefit of the system?

[Cleftobismal]

I don't appreciate using people with anxiety or other conditions not unlike it (such as depression) as a carrot on a stick in order to push a demand. Please, either speak for yourself or don't wave a flag for others. I find that quite disgusting behavior.

Anxiety is a human trait we all have, some more and less than others. From my understanding the internet slang "Tilt" has branched off from it.

There has been countless studies about this psychological behavior. If you want to talk about disgusting, ignorance is a common trait anyone would be disgusted of.

But I would be happy to Educate you on why Anxiety is a common social behavior in a MMORPG.

According to Seligman, M.E.P.; Walker, E.F.; Rosenhan, D.L. of Abnormal psychology:

Anxiety is when a person faces inner conflict or turmoil, including but not limited to nervous behaviors, uneasiness, muscular tensions, problems in concentration, fatigue.

Yes another word for Anxious. Often felt with Excitement, as it can be perceived with wanting something with an uneasy feeling.

The moment you start questioning or stating you'll get in every ones way or cause a wipe to the raids/party way is part of the first stage of being anxious. Different levels vary, of course and everyone deals with it differently.

You're free to be disgusted about it all you wan't. These Anxious behaviors have happened and will continue to happen.

On a side note, Anxiety is not to be confused with Fear. Fear is Acute and reactionary. Anxiety is Chronic and anticipating.

And I must also stress being Anxious is nothing bad or to be ashamed of. Let alone disgusted. It's a normal reaction to anything that gives off pressure.

It's just a matter of how that pressure is dealt with and the plans you execute. [Which brings me back to the internet slang 'Tilt']

I must also remind you that Anxiety has a wide spectrum of disorders and labels. I am not talking about Clinically depressed players, or children who suffer through Stranger Anxiety disorder and so forth.

Especially when the tools they might need to help them overcome, or at the very least cope, cannot and should not be pressed upon them in a game. Did you ever think people with anxiety might, I don't know, keep it to themselves? I certainly wouldn't want a game to highlight I "need" a friend.

As the points I stated above, you seem to have the misconception that I'm talking about an extreme case of Anxiety.

It's all fine and good to bring it up as a negative for say... raiding or PvP, as personal contribution tends to weigh more heavily there, yet having a "buddy" isn't going to ease that burden any less.

You underestimate the power of friendship. Literally. Having someone to support on is a huge boon to your attitude, choices, and confidence.

So yes I do think it is great to Que in with a friend versus by yourself.

These are issues that go far beyond the scope of an MMO, and can only truly be attempted coming only from a person willing to tackle them. It is a personal commitment- that is to say no amount of casual interaction with others will never actually "heal" those suffering. For you to think so is quite... troubling.

Again, this is an extreme case I am not getting into. It's common sense anyone who has it that bad should seek medical help, someone clinically trained and license. Not through a video game. Thank you for your concern though.

So again, I ask that you please not speak for or try to champion for those with anxiety... ESPECIALLY if you yourself do not suffer from it yourself.

I must say this is quite the assumption. But you have nothing to worry about. I've already clarified to you in the points above. ^

This, especially has me quite angered.
1) silencing opposition under such a vague and subjective description as "personal attacks" helps no one. If I don't approve of an idea being forced upon me (yes, it is forced if i can't dispute it), I have the right to speak for myself on the matter, thank you.

Silencing who?

Can you give names?

If not it should be obvious why you can't.

Be angered away. I have no obligation to form a Friendship or lover with you or anyone on this planet and Vice Versa. Which is why I'm not interested in talking about my view on it and myself. You can be confused as to why I posted an application on a marriage partner thread and why I'm support such a system.

Just know. It's not your business. I am no one you should get angry over and for. I have no power and control over your life, your friends, and your path before you.

Let it go.

Those of us that actively look for and give our free time willingly to those that want or need it already will and do. This tool would not only dilute those waters, but assign us a... singular person to help? wow, that only prevents us from helping multiple people at once.

Either i -have- to help this new buddy i signed up for, or i leave them hanging to assist someone else, or vice versa. I can't be in 2, 3, 4+ places at once. I can't be helping 1 sproutling with some level 50 gear to set them up for heavensward when all of a sudden my designated buddy comes on pleading me for a run through toto-rak. The system fails there. Am I bound/forced to help my buddy, leaving the person I promised to and started to help to wait? do i continue to finish my task while forcing my buddy to wait, thus nullifying the supposed benefit of the system?

There is no obligation for you to help the person you're assigned to or be helped.

It's a leave at will. You don't like the person you're paired with? Fine. Move on to someone else or don't touch the system at all. The point of it is to foster a growth, a bond through the game. There are no shackles here. You seem to turn everything I say into the worse case scenario. Hence your confusion on mixed messages.

[Mirakumi]

If you are lucky they might do something where you could hook up with your retainer.

At least you might get some action then.

But I will say.

There is a person who has a party finder up like 24/7 on the primal servers about getting ERP on and I always see a random person in his pf so if he can do that and get laid in game - Then maybe PF is not out of the option in your case.

Just make an event or something.

Balmung RPs right, why not make a PFer
that is like SINGLES MEETING.
You just need a house - rent one.

Oh ho I have an idea. Make a party, unsynced in like satasha and kill the enemeis in the bar area and have it there.

[Cleftobismal]

Snip

You don't have to spoon feed me unwanted attention. I get plenty of it. Thank you though.

You're free to add on to the discussion and chose any side you'd wish or make your own.

[Vidu]

...and you seem to overestimate the friendship and benefits from such a system >.<
Friendship is the greatest gift a human can recieve, and yes, you can find that in this game too - I made many great friends and I'm thankful for each and everyone of them.

But the system you propose seems wrong for quite a few reasons - I will actually add to my list now:
1) Friendship isnt something you magically find, its something that you slowly build up - your proposed system COULD be the very first step on a long path, but you seem to focus a lot on the end of that way: Sitting there, with your best friend/partner who you can share all your worries, joys and dungeon-runs with. But thats not what your system will achieve - that is what YOU can (and maybe will achieve) if you go on and interact with other people. Matchmaking can be a little "push" into that direction but it is NOT the salvation you keep talking about, I'm sorry. Building a relationship with someone is up to you - and you alone.
2) You mention that if its not working out with someone, you can just drop them and move on, looking for the next person. That connects to my previous point about Stalking and Harrassment: What if its only ONE person feeling that way and doesnt want to continue the "relationship" anymore?
And even more: you're talking about how great that system could be for a person suffering from anxiety and how wonderful it would be for such a person if they could just easly get in a queue for a friend. But lets think a bit ahead: What if that person gets dropped? And rejected. And dropped again. And ghosted by another player, blacklisted by the next... okay, we dont have to go to that extreme, but you get the idea: You want to create a system to help people with anxiety help find a friend. But you cant FORCE someone to be the friend of someone else. And now think: whats all that potential rejection going to do to a person whos already so instable that they're looking for a friend in an MMO through a special menu within that game thats already offering different ways of connecting with people?
I'll tell you what it does: It devestates them. It leaves them not only with the question "Am I good enough for this content?" but also with "Am I good enough to be anyones friend?"

Going through people like you're going through clothes in a clothes store until you find something (someone) who fits isnt helping a person whos suffering from anxiety at all - I'm sorry, you havent thought this through and again only looked on the bright side and the end of the way. And yes, when we're talking about something like anxiety we have to consider the worst case scenario aswell.

I also would like to add: If a person is suffering so much from their "normal" anxiety that they have trouble using the tools for player interaction that are provided, they might be more in need of professional help - and not in need of a system that actually supports their anxiety by giving them even more means to dodge dealing with it - this is a person, sitting infront of a computer, being represtend by a character in a different world. Thats already pretty decent "shielded" for the average person - if someone is still constantly anxious and nervous, they might actually require professional help and that CANT come from the game or from a stranger you just met.
I cant stress that enough: DO NOT LOOK FOR YOUR SALVATION IN THE GAME!
Should you find it, by luck - grats to you! But this game cant and wont present you with a solution to get out of your lonenliness.
There is NOTHING shameful with admitting you need professional help - please go and get it, if you need it. Meeting random strangers until your guardian angel appears isnt the solution.


(And I apologise to everyone who was hoping I would be gone finally I'm afraid I cant shut up about a topic that I do care about, specially when its going into this direction now and I know from quite a bit of personal experience that this CANT work the way OP is proposing it >.<)

[Newmanxeno]

Vidu, I doubt many people want to read through 15 pages so I don't think this is going anywhere. They'll read his original post, say something snarky, he'll threaten them with a ban, rinse and repeat.

[Ralts]

Damn, the replies here are getting longer. We're on level 2 here.

[Vidu]

Oh, I doubt that aswell - I sometimes doubt that OP himself is actually reading carefully through anything... You can call me stupid or stubborn, you're most likely right with both, specially in this case, but I wanted to at least give the OP the decency of a proper reply to his NEXT idea.
I also doubt that SE would be interested in this idea at all anyways (dont need to repeat why, do I?).

But as someone who has suffered from great anxiety, even connected to this game (heck, for the first three months it took me a week to muster the courage and strength before entering a new dungeon - yes, a week. Thats why I am a master crafter now! And I even used to play with friends already) I can hardly idly sit by and see someone propse a system that sounds rather harmful, dangerous and inappropriate to me.
I may overcome my anxiety but clearly not all of my problems *shrug*
I have little hope to convince the OP from anything, no matter how many arguments I (or anyone else) presents, but I'd like to see the other side of the medal represented here aswell... and if its only so the thoughts about it arent bugging me anymore xD

(...and yes, I tend to write novels, I'm sorry - feel free to just not read it I mean, I know its a pain, but it seems... needed to express my thoughts correctly)

[Cleftobismal]

Oh, I doubt that aswell - I sometimes doubt that OP himself is actually reading carefully through anything...

Actually I read everything on this thread.

And speaking of reading I'm reading 13 documents and several case studies + reports on the benefits of friendship. That you seem to think I'm over-estimating.

I do my homework /o/



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