One thing that's easy for folks who have done this kind of stuff a ton to forget is that the jump between normal content and extreme and higher content is huge. Even the easiest of the easy extreme content is going to seem totally crazy coming from story content.
One way to frame might be to imagine that FF14 is instead a normal single-player game with multiple difficulty modes. You might expect that since the game sends you right from normal to extreme that it's kind of like jumping up 1 difficulty level. However, that doesn't hold in this analogy.
It is much more like the game has an "Easy" setting (story, duty finder content) the "Normal" and "Hard" are greyed out an unselectable (no analogy to them exists in ff14). Your only step up from "Easy" is "Very Hard" (the low-end extreme stuff) There is no natural bridge between the story content and the extreme+ content and that initial gulf is pretty big.
It's almost like playing an entirely different game that demands you look at your skills and other players in ways that just aren't factors in the story/normal content.
Folks calling things easy are of course using their own frame of reference. Since these are out-of-the-way-forums one must seek out most of the posters are people who have played the game a lot and are pretty dedicated. Forget "Very Hard" mode they've spent time dipping into "Nightmare" and "Nightmare++" difficulty modes that might represent something like the higher-end extreme fights and savage content.
What I might say to the OP specifically is that frustration at no progress is fairly normal.
That said, I think if you want to be able to enjoy this sort of content there is one important skill to learn that has nothing to do with your skills or the fight: Embracing failures. A very big part of this kind of content is just iterating on your failures and smashing your head against the brick wall for a long time. Learning how to enjoy that is a big part of getting any meaningful value out of the content.
It's about the journey not the destination and no virtual sword however shiny is going to turn a negative experience into a positive one. The loot is the cherry on top of the sundae that is learning to overcome the fight.
EDIT: That said to the OP if your interested in any specific tips, I'd be happy to give them. I can think of a few I haven't seen well-articulated in this thread, however I don't want to push unwanted advice on anyone.

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