Read your entire post. The very questions your asking (and every melee worth their salt SHOULD be asking, and on a regular basis) genuinely make me think youre on the road to greatness. They, if nothing else, show you clearly understand what needs TO be done. So I'll just answer from personal experience.
Pretty much 100% of the stuff that happens in pvp is situational. In one instance, it will work beautifully, in another, its the last thing in the world you wanna do. While factoring that in, it really helps to just keep in mind what kind of a pvper you are in general. Are you the cautious type, that plays it safe and smart, gives his healers no cause for worry (least not in the shortrun), and makes surgical, calculated, always-have-an-exit attacks, or are you the balls to the walls gambler type (if I can get in, kill you, and escape with the fires of hell on my ass with 5% hp remaining) whose willing to push it to the very edge? I believe once you can HONESTLY answer that question, everything else should at least start to fall into place.
Its all a learning proccess methinks (been pvping last 12 years and Im still finding out cool tactics and mindgames) so as you work the above out, push aside that 'shyness of death/scolding.' Yeah, to an extent, it is a team sport, but if someone wants to call you out for what they interpet as low dps or a mindless death, at some point, you just gotta turn to em in as dignified a manner as possible and say '...f*k you." So much in pvp is on the spot judgement calls (alot of which you can kinda forecast from trial an error) so just go with your gut tells you.
As far as healers go the top 3 questions that come to my mind are:
1. Is my burst up?
2. Who is the healer?
3. What is the healing job?
Again, only gonna get better with experience. Some healers'll crack soon as you send a fart in their general direction while others'll outheal an atomic bomb (Graci -_-) Theres also team composition to consider (do you have another melee/tank going in deep with you or is it all ranged, in which case youre gonna draw more fire) Against stronger healers, as drg, I love playing 'tug of war' with em by jumping on a ranged dps (the squishiest role in pvp) and seeing just how much mp they're willing to invest in em
Above all else though (no matter the job really) get to know your job inside out. Reflexively, instinctively, with eyes closed and under a waterfall UmmMMMMmmmmM~ etc. Spend 2 hours a day beating on the dummies in wolves den, or the timed ones outside Idylshire and perfect your burst (I mean really LOOK at the actual numbers/ time) Even have duels now so get a friend to get in some live combat.
Lastly, and I speak this particular point with utmost seriousness, always, always, ALWAYS....kill the enemy lalas 1st. Always. Don't care if your house is on fire and your beloved pookie wantsa bootie call like the world is ending,...the lala goes 1st. I CANNOT stress the importance of this singular fact enough.

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