Feeling a little scared... (long story, numbered questions at the end)

[MeiUshu]

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I read your post, again and again and again and I have one question to ask

What is that you truely seek to know/understand with your post ?

You go round in circle and nothing of what you asked makes sense, as I am sure you already know the answers, since you play since so long.

So, I Wonder, maybe telling us straight what is that bugs or you seek might help us all to give you a more appropriate answer...

Just me though