PC Unable to complete version check

[Mysty]

I'd copy paste the error message, but... you can't copy paste from the error screen!

Unable to perform version check. Version information is not consistent between FFXIV Boot, FFXIV Updater, and FFXIV Launcher. Please restart the game. If restarting the game does not solve the problem, attempt the following procedures:
1. Delete temporary internet files.
2. Disable or change your proxy server.
3. Reinstall FINAL FANTASY XIV.
For further assistance, please visit the SQUARE ENIX Support Center.
http://sqex.to/x4w
[30410][30607][20457][410]

1) HOW THE *#)# does my temporary internet files affect a game in completely different directory?
2) No proxy server ever set up or ran.
3) Reinstall for a minor patch? That's poor design on YOUR end.
4) Attempting to search those error numbers on your support site gives nothing.
Running this on Windows 10, nothing oddball installed. I've got a lot of free space on the drive.

I've seen one thread from 2013 saying download a new boot folder off a dropbox... seems shady.
Another one said edit the FFXIV_Boot.cfg file. There's no .cfg file in the boot or game directory, that's with hidden files on.

My launcher says 2016.05.20.0000.0001(1958487) if that helps