As long as you QS a few seconds before each pull, this is the only enmity lowering tool you have at your disposal, and a tank (assuming similar ilvl) that cannot hold hate, is not doing their job. All this about changing your style, or going ice mage, is frankly bad advice... you are playing the role correctly, and don't change to accommodate someone who cannot be bothered. All I can say in their defence, is that they may be used to running with other people in DF that play sub-par, and so don't need to put in as much effort to hold hate, but that is no reason for you to play that way.

I mostly run content with my static's tank, and he will never have issues holding hate off me, even if I go full ham. In fact he knows I won't be pulling my punches, and so ramps up that hate early