Would you like an in-game parser?

[Khanscott]

Parsers help people figure out which gap between the ribs is the best one for inserting a piece of sharp metal. They are also a means for people to attack others, because whning about arbitrary numbers makes for a wonder catharsis.
Facts aside, an official parser wouldn't change much. I can't go an hour without hearing the lamentations of the l33t in every chat as it is already.