In the spirit of the day, make your own Fake Patch Notes for your favorite Job.

[LelenaLena]

Lets have some fun, and create some patch notes for your favorite Job.

White Mage
- To help new players who believe higher number = better, the functionality of Cure I and Cure III have been swapped.
- Stoneskin now provided damage absorption equal to 100% of the targets health, however only classes/jobs with the Strength primary attribute can move while under the effect.
- Tetragrammaton has been renamed to "Oh **** Button"
- Asylum now sequesters bad players from good players, to keep them from harming the good players and themselves.
- Shroud of Saints can only be used by White Mages who have been canonized after their death.
- An issue has been fixed where Benediction would heal the target for 100% of their total health before they died.

Have fun and be creative.

[Mael-bess]

oh this seems interesting.

Bard:
-The Wanderer's Minuet: Your archer/bard skills no longer have a cast times, but you cannot move while under it's effects (lewl)
-Repelling Shot: Now named "Angel shot", If Angel Shot sends you down on Titan (all modes) you'll now gain wings and fly right up to the battle!
-Swiftsong: Now named "C'mon guys this is supposed to be a speed run"
-Hawk's Eye: Now also automatically turns your camera into 1st person, feel the power of the hawk!
-Quelling Strikes: Now named "omg you noob tank"

[Jimoori]

Forbidden Chakra:
- Removed: requires 5 stacks of chakra.
- Added: now does 99,999 true damage.

[Croweyes]

Dark Knight

Theme:
-With the help of player feedback, we have added thousands of hardcore and edgy emotes and "badass" anime quotes to EVERY Dark Knight skill that will automatically be posted in chat.
- More dark and edge armor has been made for Dark Knight only, such as:
More spikes and blades.
More Black and Red colors
Skulls, lots of skulls

[LDR]

Mwhahaha

Astrologian;

Celestial Opposition: YOU HAVE ANGERED THE STARS CHILD, Now stuns all targets within Line of Sight for 2 minutes, summons a Meteor centred on your position, does damage equal to 100% HP to all within a 20,000 Yalm radius. damage % decreases by 1% for every further thousand Yalms to a minimum of 50% HP equivalent.

Collective Unconscious: All whom enter the field are affected by Sleep, duration 5 minutes. this effect cannot be removed. all players affected are invulnerable to all damage for the duration.

Time Dialation: affects all players in party/alliance. the game now runs at 50% speed for the next 60 minutes.

Gravity: Inflicts Slow on all targets hit for 5 minutes. bonus apples fall from the sky dealing damage equal to 10% HP per hit. makes you weigh more, but your dress size does not increase! can now knock down targets by running into them.

Synastry: All party members gain the HP of the member with the highest HP at time of cast; all damage sustained to the selected target [of highest HP] is now spread equally amoung the party. 2 minute duration

Nocturnal Sect: YOUR ARE THE NIGHT. Permanent Stealth engaged, enemies will not agro on you no matter what. bonus 20% DARKNESS damage to all attacks. Healing spells give the target extra belts for more edgyness.

Combust: Target Explodes
Combust 2: you and the target Explode, target deals splash damage.

Redraw: activates the Pictionary mini game. no effect on battle.

Spread: you perform a perfect Split. stuns enemies in range for 20 seconds, you gain the status "Limber". evasion increased by 20%

Disable: only works on target whilst they are casting, prevents them from using the move ever again.

Royal Road: summons the Sultana of Ul'Dah, all enemies bend their knee and now serve the alliance. you are showered in money and get a nice crown.

Draw: changes you class/job to MCH for 30 seconds, go cowboy.

Essential dignity: Give the target modest underwear

Luminiferous Aether: you glow HOT PINK. Spice girls starts playing. you perform JJBA poses for 4 minutes. grants immunity whilst active.

Lightspeed: everything runs at the speed of light. All duties and instances are completed instantly. you win the game good job.

[Docent]

Machinist:
The cooldown on reload was abolished.

[ScarletDawn]

White mage

Benediction: Effect now reversed. (Evil grin)


Paladin

Hallowed Ground: Buff application time delayed by 1 server tick.


Warrior

Berserk: When Berserk ends you lose control of your inner beast causing you to attack nearby friends and foes.

[WeekendSoja]

After reviewing the affects concerning tank stat revisions we have made the following changes.

Scholar

Lustrate: we will revert it's heal capability back to 25% of targets max HP.

[Ultear_Milkovich]

"Dark Knight adjustments.

Thanks to your feedback we are now aware that the job is not performing as expected in PvP.

We added the following change:

- When under the effect of grit, the TP cost of Scourge has been decreased by 1%.

Following this buff anf order to keep the balance between jobs, the following change was needed:

- Low blow no longer adds the "stun" effect to the target.

We would like to thank you for your feedback"

[Tchaktuli]

Due to this job not performing to expectations and to make it useful again in Full Parties the following changes have been made.

Dragoon:
Jump
-Changed the duration of Jump to be more in line with the original Dragoon job. The DRG will now jump off screen for 3 seconds before hitting the target. Animation Lock at end of jump also increased back to 1.5 seconds.

Elusive Jump
-Now causes the Dragoon to begin jumping uncontrollably in random directions around the arena for 5 seconds.

Spineshatter Dive
-Upon the completion of dive activates the LolDRG effect for 10 seconds. The LolDRG effect draws all AOE's to the Dragoon for the duration.

*New Trait* Floor Tanking
-Due to the spiky nature of DRG armour and their spear, any enemy positioned over the dead body of a DRG gains a 1% bleed DOT of max HP. Positioning the enemy over multiple DRGs stacks this buff to a maximum of 5%.

As everyone has stated that DRG is the easiest DPS to play we have heard you and decided to add a Savage version of DRG play. When toggled all abilities (Including defensive ones) now have random positional requirements indicated by a change in colour. A blue border means front, red for back, yellow for left and orange for right. A green border means the DRG needs to be floor tanking to activate.