My first PT wipe :'(

[Gemina]

Happened last night inside of Halatali, before even getting to Firemane. I immediately blamed myself and started apologizing to my group, especially since I explained to them that it was my first time there.

My nephew who was in the group with me (has a 60 WAR and 50 PLD) immediately said it was not my fault, and explained that the tank pulled a strong mob along with its adds while we were engaged. He stated we were doomed the moment he pulled that mob. If he was not there, all I would have saw was my failure as a healer, and I still do. I still feel like there was more I could've done. Anything other than dying!

I knew my biggest challenge as a healer would have nothing to do with game mechanics; it was always going to be getting past my own harsh criticism. I wanted to quit after that wipe. I was so upset with myself and my nephew had to calm me down. We did regroup, everyone comforted me, and we destroyed that dungeon on the second go.

I'll get better. I promise!

[GeekMatt]

It's not an unusual sensation—that dread when the tanks HP hits zero or when the party wipes and you KNOW you could've done more. There's a simple solution; practise practise practise! You need to wipe more parties and kill more tanks until your soul goes numb

...no really I'm only half joking here. I'm not suggesting you go out and intentionally kill people, but keep healing and after a while you'll be laughing off your derps. Eventually you realize that it happens no matter how good you are. Simply pressing the wrong button by accident can result in a wipe. Healing in cleric stance is a common tank killer and an ongoing joke amongst the entire healing community. I consider myself a competent healer, but I tend to get pretty reckless when I have a full party of friends and not too long ago there was an FC-wide discussion about me, they were lightheartedly reminiscing about all the times they had died because I was spamming Holy on my White Mage (totally worth it every time, btw). We've also had Healer Limbo competitions, which is a game where you try to see how low you can get the tanks HP without killing him (please note, if the WAR uses holmgang or the DRK uses Living Dead then your score doesn't count.) Obviously I don't recommend doing this stuff with strangers or unwilling sacrifices.

ANYWAYS, rambling aside my point is that a death or wipe isn't necessarily a bad thing. I've been playing consistently since sept '13 and some of my best memories are epic wipes because someone derped. It's just unfortunate when you're with up tight people who can't accept the fact that you're human. Given your panic though, I'd recommend running with friends and FCmates until you've developed your dungeon confidence, because a bad party might scare you off from taking part in instances all together.

[Ruri]

Happened last night inside of Halatali, before even getting to Firemane. I immediately blamed myself and started apologizing to my group, especially since I explained to them that it was my first time there.

My nephew who was in the group with me (has a 60 WAR and 50 PLD) immediately said it was not my fault, and explained that the tank pulled a strong mob along with its adds while we were engaged. He stated we were doomed the moment he pulled that mob. If he was not there, all I would have saw was my failure as a healer, and I still do. I still feel like there was more I could've done. Anything other than dying!

I knew my biggest challenge as a healer would have nothing to do with game mechanics; it was always going to be getting past my own harsh criticism. I wanted to quit after that wipe. I was so upset with myself and my nephew had to calm me down. We did regroup, everyone comforted me, and we destroyed that dungeon on the second go.

I'll get better. I promise!

There will be plenty more times where the party wipes either due to healers not healing enough, tanks pulling too much for their ilvl, or dps not killing things quick enough. It's always SOMEONES fault but as long as you can re-group and move on without too much name calling you'll be just fine It sounds like the situation above the Tank simply pulled too much for a low level healer to handle which is on them, so I wouldn't worry about it. You also said you cleared the dungeon easily after that so seems like you know what you're doing for the most part! Keep hope alive

[Gemina]

@Geekmatt

Thank you! This is only my second MMO, but I am not new to healing. The feeling is the exact opposite to when you save the asses of an entire party when SHTF. I'm ok with a PT wipe when I know I did everything I could to save it. I thought I was healing in cleric stance, but I wasn't. The tank was simply taking too much damage, and my low level butt doesn't have the utility yet to keep him alive in those instances (I don't even have cure II, which would have been all I needed).

I know I have to have a short memory, and it was needed to dry my tears away, recollect, and get my butt back on the saddle. I definitely agree that every good, and even every great healer is going to have a lot of wipes to talk about. My nephew is an FC mate, the other two were DF pickups. He put some blame on himself as well, saying he knew he should have tanked in a dungeon I've never been to, but he also told me that I DO need the experience of things going horribly wrong.

[CyrilLucifer]

I've rage quit from my own mistakes before and I've been healing in MMOs for about 12 years. About three months ago my keyboard went out during the second boss of Neverreap and we ended up dying. I was so ashamed and humiliated that we died to what is essentially the easiest boss in the game that I left without a word.

We're all quite harsh on ourselves sometimes. Honestly, though, I tend to let the criticism of others wash over me, it's knowing that I didn't do my best that is the worst for me. But what I've learned that, outside of a raid setting or Ex primals at a low iLevel where those mistakes will cost you everything, most people will never notice flubs. Most people don't even care about a wipe in dungeons. Most.

You recognize that you're your own worst enemy here, so that's good.

[Gemina]

@Ruri

My nephew almost literally beat it into my head to trust him when he said the tank made a derp. I even recall thinking we were so screwed. But yes, after that we seriously dominated that dungeon without any issue, and they were confidant enough to head on to Toto Rak. They dragged me kicking and screaming into that dungeon talking about the short memory thing, and it turned out the be the most fun I've ever had in a dungeon run thus far! That boss fight is so intense, and perhaps the earlier wipe better prepared me for it.

I think the experience only makes me better. At least I am hoping so

[Ruri]

I think the experience only makes me better. At least I am hoping so

That's literally how every MMO is. Make mistakes and learn from them! As long as people are patient you'll be just fine Everyone was new at some point.

[Gemina]

@CyrilLucifer

Thanks for understanding exactly where I am coming from. I am the same, and shrug my shoulders the moment someone else criticizes me. No one knows more than myself when I screwed up, and if the party wipes, I am almost always going to put all the blame on myself, even on someone else's derp. I think it is good to recognize that, and then learn to lasso it so it doesn't set me back. Hopefully I took a step in the right direction.

[Geula]

I've started healing recently too, although as a Scholar, I always start to put extra attention to what people are doing once a wipe happens, when I notice someone doing something derpy like eating up every AoE there is there isn't much you can do. Being under geared seems to be also a frequent reason. If you see a tank pulls more than one pack of mobs or fray room joins your encounter (one example is one of the spots in Darkmor Darkhold [i'm sure i butchered this name hilariously but let it slide!] where 3 ice elementals spawn and a pack of dragons can come over from side room) you should be prepared to heal the tank exclusively till at least a few mobs fall off. A few times it happened when communication couldn't be established about doing the mechanics of the first boss encounter in Qarn 3 times and vote abandon not going through I just left and ate the penalty myself (stand on a glowing plate after the room-wide AoE applies Doom debuff to remove the debuff).

[Ciri_Wolf]

Admitting your own mistakes is a great trait to have. It means you can better yourself. Just be careful of being too modest. People will throw you under the bus. It's human nature to blame others. And people will be very quick to blame anyone but themselves. It's important to know when it's your fault, but just as important to know when it's not your fault. Don't be so hard on yourself. Wanting to get better is enough.