Safka's Stating The Blindingly Obvious Thread

[Safka]

This may not be short and it's written with a tongue-in-cheek nonchalance that might not be to your taste. If you don't appreciate length (surely nay!) or sardonic sarcasm, irony or even public masochism... move on.

So... there once was an FC 2iC Queen Wannabe (actual rank, I kid you not) who, one day, went on a fit of babybathwaternonsense and threw yours truly, unceremoniously, out of an FC and right onto her Safkaderriere. Splat, she landed... and found herself in sudden dire need of rescuing a stabled Choco that sadly underwent a traumatic hostage ordeal before rescue. Poor thing. Anyway...

After a few blinks... and a few more blinks... you know the kind of blinks I'm talking of here... the rapid, gobsmacked, utter clueless blinks that indicate confusion and an inability to comprehend... usually accompanied by a faint 'oomph' noise emanating from the vicinity of the lower intestine.... anyway, after a few more of those, I did what any of you, normal, if non-Safka Esque, beings would do... I said 'do whaaaat?' in my best Georgia accent, rocked back in the chair and reached for a non-existant cigarette. I don't smoke. Which is a godsend as luckily, there were none to hand... otherwise I would have, for sure. Smoked, I mean. Anyway...

I thought I'd pass on a few thoughts... in the hope that my experiences are not repeated because, well, the therapy costs alone might run into ones of dollars.

For new FC members...

Spot the nutter on the bus REALLY early on. If, when everyone is in the FC lounge blowing kisses and hugging each other, one FC member only occasionally deigns to 'smile' at you. That's the one. It might sound innocuous but trust me... nutter.

Always agree with everything the nutter says. Once the nutbag has been identified, this one should be really really easy... but I should point out that if you have, to date, failed to identify the nutter, you're going to come across as pretty creepy. Why? Because you must just say 'that's awesome' or 'that's incredible' or 'that's the most fabulous thing I've ever heard' to ANYthing the nutter says. Always. Constantly. OK?

If this gets tiresome, write a macro.

Listen to every word the nutter says and if prompted, act... like... immediately. This might be tough if you're on different timezones, and all, but trust me... get your Safkabutt (equivalent) out of bed 24/7 to be sure not to miss a single, solatary phoneme that flows from the nutters brainpan. Oh and agree with it, as per above. Because each syllable is nectar and you must sup it.

Always do whatever the nutter wants you to do. This will often be couched in helpful terminology, such as 'do you want any help with a dungeon run?' This sounds really great and 'Hey Safka!' I can hear you saying... 'what's wrong with offering help, you ingrate?' OK... fair point... but the kicker here is... you can never say no. Like... never. Never say 'I'm fine, thanks!' or 'maybe later, if that would be ok.' Never say 'I really appreciate the offer but I'm just about to log off and take my niece to the hospital' because THAT is NO excuse for turning the nutter down. If you can't always do what the nutter wants, please consider paying a friend to sit at your rig and fill in for you. Or invest in a clone.

Don't contribute too much. Don't craft stuff for others, run stuff, throw gil into the common coffers, or be overly helpful yourself to anyone else. If you do, it means you want to take over the FC for your own nefarious reasons. No really, it does. Ask the nutter.

Always like the nutter. If you can manage true love or abject adoration, that would be even better. Because trust me, nutters judge you on the ferocity and abjectivity of your likingnesses against the Scale of Love Me... which is a purely personal thing, probably made of stained oak, with a sliding brass knob that can be moved from ONE to ELEVEN. Don't pretend to like... truly LIKE!

And finally... never ever ever... expect people to come to your defence, even if you deserve it and all that is being said is evidenceless aldgoatpoop. 'Cos a nutter in a command position is a pure divinity.

Also... while I'm here... for all the nutter-wannabe's...

People are people, except Zaphod, who's just this guy, y'know?
Perceptions are not reality though they may seem so, especially if you have a proclivity to nutterdom.
Everyone is subject to confirmation bias, even you. This is also not reality.

Thanks for reading, even if you haven't. Errrr...

Paid for and brought to you by The Committee For The Rapidly-Diminishing Popularity of The Safka.

[Nav_Fae]

May I just say... what?
Can you speak normal English please?

[Ashkendor]

The "tongue-in-cheek nonchalance" seems really... forced.

[Roegadyn_Bear]

Surely someone sees something satisfying stated secretly surrounding somebody!

[Suirieko]

Go home, Safka. You're drunk.

[Remilia_Nightfall]

So you were kicked? Ok.

[Dualblade]

Uuuuh...should I get popcorn for this? I can't tell...

[Kassiekane]

Uuuuh...should I get popcorn for this? I can't tell...

Popcorn Difficulty: Expert

[Niqote]

You would be an entertaining FC member to have around me thinks.

[Toguro]

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