Absolute frustration at not being able to see my own DPS (ps4)

[Fevelle]

A Proper mentality to ensure your own happiness is to look at it like a leaning experience. If you're more new to something than others, you can shrug off any ill-insults because you're learning. Nobody magically becomes skillful at things it takes practice. If you're being "called out" you should instead of worrying about your image. You should see it as "yes a chance to learn maybe this person can tell me a perspective I didnt see or a option I didn't know existed.

Let me give you some insight of my POV, as a person who suffers from depression and social anxiety and is currently undergoing treatment.

When someone "calls me out on something", like sometimes when I wasn't on my prime condition and let people die on big pulls, no matter how much I want to see and react to it rationally, like saying "Sorry" or just shruging it off, or even saying "Thank you for the advice" and trying to get better, my head tells me the following things:

You're wasting their time, you piece of s***, get out of the way and let another healer join.
See? You suck even at gaming, you can't even heal a good tank.
You should just delete your character already, you'll never be able to beat Savage like this, not even unsynched.

It's not something I have control of, even with medicine and therapy. When I'm healing I have this feeling that my tank is gonna die any moment and I'm gonna screw up my CDs and everyone will hate and kick me. I never got kicked from anything yet, but I do have a kind of fear of it happening.

This has nothing to do with the parser argument, since even myself would like at least a personal parser to know if I'm doing consistent damage compared to my fellow players, but I just wanted to share because of the "If you have this mentality you are invincible to being embarrassed" wich is not a true statement, at least for me.