Don't let people talk you into joining a "friendly, casual" server. That usually means the server has either low population or at least few people that strive to do serious endgame raiding.
If you are goal-oriented, join a server that fits your needs, like Gilgamesh. Populated servers have huge, helpful communities too, and although the way people deal with each other in end-game may be a bit rougher, they actually have people that get shit done.