Should I Just Quit The Game?

[Atoli]

First off: No, you shouldn't quit. FFXIV has one of the nicer communities, so even if this was a not-so-nice experience for you, if you enjoy the game in general, just find new people instead of a new game

Now to go a bit more into detail:
Of course there is a chance that you just got really unlucky and all the people you met so far were kind of..meh. But since you said yourself that you had the same problem with people from various linkshells, not just your fc, there certainly IS a high possibility that something in your everyday online behaviour drives others away. I don't know you personally, so I'm not going to judge, but at least in my experience, people with depression, social anxiety and the like tend to get...stressful, in games.
I had several aquientances with these problems in the past, and while they all were nice people I had fun with, could talk about the newest anime/music/games/whatever with, vent about school or work together, etc., as time passed, I felt more and more pressured by them. It became an issue of "I might kill myself if I get too lonely" and "Everything else in my life is shit, having fun with you is the only positive thing in my life". As time went on, I didn't log in because I was looking forward to our conversations, it was because I felt worried and obligated to keep the person happy. I just wanted to have fun, no stings attached, not have the responsibility for someone else's life. I became seriously worn out from every conversation we had and felt more and more that I wanted to end it, but it dragged on because I was too worried to cut ties with the person because of that sense of responsibility they had instilled in me, and because they were nice people, not aware of the problem.

Now I'm not saying you act like that, but from the way you described your situation, there is a possiblity that your ingame friends might have felt a little bit similar to what I experienced in the past.

[Catwho]

First off: No, you shouldn't quit. FFXIV has one of the nicer communities, so even if this was a not-so-nice experience for you, if you enjoy the game in general, just find new people instead of a new game



Now to go a bit more into detail:
Of course there is a chance that you just got really unlucky and all the people you met so far were kind of..meh. But since you said yourself that you had the same problem with people from various linkshells, not just your fc, there certainly IS a high possibility that something in your everyday online behaviour drives others away. I don't know you personally, so I'm not going to judge, but at least in my experience, people with depression, social anxiety and the like tend to get...stressful, in games.
I had several aquientances with these problems in the past, and while they all were nice people I had fun with, could talk about the newest anime/music/games/whatever with, vent about school or work together, etc., as time passed, I felt more and more pressured by them. It became an issue of "I might kill myself if I get too lonely" and "Everything else in my life is shit, having fun with you is the only positive thing in my life". As time went on, I didn't log in because I was looking forward to our conversations, it was because I felt worried and obligated to keep the person happy. I just wanted to have fun, no stings attached, not have the responsibility for someone else's life. I became seriously worn out from every conversation we had and felt more and more that I wanted to end it, but it dragged on because I was too worried to cut ties with the person because of that sense of responsibility they had instilled in me, and because they were nice people, not aware of the problem.

Now I'm not saying you act like that, but from the way you described your situation, there is a possiblity that your ingame friends might have felt a little bit similar to what I experienced in the past.

This really strikes a chord with me. I consider myself a friendly, nice person - easy to get along with, treat others fairly, etc. The problem is that I don't know how to handle emotionally needy people, because I'm the opposite of emotionally needy. I'll chat on topics I'm interested in, and ignore topics I don't have anything to say about. So my ignoring the topic of conversation should never be construed as ignoring the person, but I've had people make that mistake in the past and accuse me of ignoring them. I've had people that I was friendly toward latch completely onto me, start sending me tell conversations daily, demanding that I give them attention and emotional energy I didn't plan to spend. Friendship with them became exhausting.

For this reason, I have an alt that is not attached to any FCs. That character doesn't have any friends. He is on permanent busy. If I'm not in the mood to talk, I use him.

But also for that reason, and partly because of the spammers, I do not respond to tell conversations. If you want to talk to me, you have to do it in a public space. That way, I'm not the only person obligated to maintain a conversation that I frankly may not be even interested in carrying. I have a special LS that I'll invite people to, if they want to hold a conversation with me, but that'll also go out to everyone else in that linkshell. I don't do one on one conversations in the game any more, because the risk of emotional energy drain from them has historically been too high.

Back to the OP's situation: I agree with most people above. Take a break, but don't quit the game entirely. Look for chat community linkshells on your server and consider joining one of them.

[Anova]

A lot of guilds actually reduce in size with time, so I don't find the fact that people have been leaving yours to be unique. As for why you were kicked out, there's various reasons. It sounds like there was a huge amount of drama going behind the scenes in your FC though and you made a convenient scapegoat. It is stupid, petty politicking, caused mostly by the fact nobody in your FC is communicating with each other.

Honestly, it was them and not you. Also, games are a way to provide escapism for people. You can have fun on them and use them to unwind, but please do not rely on them to cure something like depression. If you have been clinically diagnosed with depression, please get real outside help (even just talking to RL friends about your problems can be good because of brain wiring). Using games to cure it is like using alcohol to cure it. It'll provide immediate effects and help treat symptoms, but can also cause other problems that aggravate your condition.

Also, online friends usually lack a certain personal touch and investment. There are a few exceptions to this, but relationships in MMO tends to be closer to a professional relationship or acquaintanceship than friendship. It's not because online people are mean. People are just hardwired to really care for roughly 5 people in their lives at any given time, and actual face-to-face contact is just hardwired to generate more emotional connections than voice chat or staring at a screen (blame evolution/god/whatever you want).

Also, don't feel like you have to quit the game because of this. If you want a break, take it. But the decision to play the game should be separate from how you feel about the FC and your own personal worth.

[Iagainsti]

One thing to keep in mind, ppl play games to relax; I personally get done work, have supper with my family, take the dog for a walk, and if the girls don't want to do anything, I make a coffee, roll a doob, and see what's up in Eorzea. Point is, it's best to "hang up" your hang ups at the log screen. Ppl log in to slay monsters and adventure, not discuss RL problems. You'll definitely garner more comraderie if you remember that. Now game on dude, don't quit

[BrokenFox]

You seem like a good guy OP, but to be perfectly blunt

Stop spilling your emotional guts to everyone, because frankly, most will not care. That's just life. Be mindful of who you open up to. And remember people play this game to chill and zone things out for a bit. The one guy bogging things down with real life drama will quickly become a drag to be around.

[Mischief_Minion]

I don't think you should. Yeah there is a number of bad seeds in the game but its all about finding those who can understand. If you wish to continue playing you can come join my FC. We know the damage that false rumors can start, our FC leader specifically has gone through it. We are a small FC sure but it lends to a closer knit feel which may be what you need, at least for a bit.

I joined this game at the first anniversary. I have met many different types of people. Some utter arses, some who like yourself just wanted a haven from RL for a bit, and hardcore players. I have had times too where I wanted to quit but found things that kept me in. ^_^ Find something you enjoy, hold to that and when you get on look for Mi'lies Boundthread. I'd like to friend you if I could

[Risvertasashi]

I don't usually see this level of drama outside of RPers.

Without actual chatlogs (and given the long term nature of such relations, maybe even with them), it's impossible to be frank and point out if/where you might have steered wrong. But the least they could have done is be honest.

Find a new group, move on...

[Velox]

Hey Mathias, not sure if you remember me, but send me a /tell in-game (or moogle mail) when I'm on later (you should still be on my contacts list). I joined an extremely friendly FC and I'm sure they'd love to have you as well. It's a very laid-back atmosphere that focuses on friends and fun first and foremost.

[Novaura]

My FC leader had the same problem. He had some very good real life friends who created and built up the FC and they were very happy together. But then at the start of this year, his friends left the FC because people from another FC started some nasty rumours about him and left without ever giving a reason. As a result, he and his friends no longer talk to each other and our FC has been decimated as a result. Our leader has now become unwilling to recruit anymore because anyone that he or those of us who are left recruit, goes to the other FC likely for the same unknown reasons. I share your pain OP, but if I could make a suggestion, find some new friends and leave the old ones behind and if possible, create your own FC. Don't give up on the game, when you could start it anew.

[ChandraNoctis]

Are you sure that sharing problems or vents when other share theirs isn't coming across as one-upmanship? If someone is venting about something, immediately responding with your own problem that is worse than theirs can be very very annoying to some people rather than comforting.