Should I Just Quit The Game?

[Eloah]

So I'll try and keep this a brief as possible.

So I started playing this game back in August 2014, with the free trial on the PC. I started playing it to help me fight my depression. I joined the FC of the person who told me about the trial, and they were nice at first but eventually it began to feel like they didnt like me. I was brand new to MMOs didnt know much and was totally green, so I still had some idealism. Anyway, I left that FC because they weren't being to nice to me, one might say downright mean, not everyone, but a decent amount. I admit that before I left of my own accord I did something inappropriate, but I made right by it and then moved on.

Well after, or even before I left that FC I found another, and joined them, and they were great, nice people, friendly, willing to help, and I could be my inquisitive self and not feel ashamed, for whatever reason. Well as with most things people come and people go. Several people left for various reasons, join a bf/gf FC, start their own, too busy with real life that sorta deal, and the FC became a bit smaller. But I stayed because I wanted to help in anyway I could. Eventually, there were leadership issues among the leaders, but I still said I would stay and help out; because in my eyes this FC "saved me" from my old one. Well time passed and we were slowly working on things to do some recruiting. 3.0 came out and we hoped some people would return, sadly they did not, but we were hopeful.

Well with only a few new members and trying to restructure the FC, things were slow but we were all enjoying eachothers company. But around August 2015, some things started to happen. 2 former leaders in my FC apparently started spreading rumors about me which caused a rift between me and a friend in game. Rumors that I dont even know what they are. Then not even a month later in September, one of my FC mates yells at me for reciprocating jokes that she started, and claiming they made her uncomfortable. Which while they could have, as taking a joke too far can happen to anyone. But how are her jokes of basically calling me her slave, and my reciprocations of us in a "loving" relationship on equal footing?

Finally, I signed on yesterday, October 16th, and didn't see the typical FC text in the chat log when one signs in. I then checked myself to realize I was booted from my FC. When I was told why, the reason made no sense. Apparently, everyone agrees I'm a nice guy and fun to play with and wants to be my friend, but I have some flaw that for whatever reason people dont want me in their groups. The kicker is no one can tell me about this flaw, so that i could try to fix it or even how to go about fixing it. Apparently, I was the reason a few people left that FC but I was never told, and I'm still no being told as to why, again it's that flaw I seem to have that no one can tell me about.

This made me beyond hurt, because if everyone said they like playing with me ,I'm fun to talk with and they would like to be friends, then why are these same people saying they also don't want to play with me because of some flaw. A flaw that no one can even tell me what it is so I could maybe fix it. In short is it even worth it to play this game anymore if this is the reponse I'm getting? I joined this game to help fight my depression, but in the past 3 months it's come back in full swing. I know for some people its easy to say it's just a game, but its a form of socialization, and I am a real person. Would I be treated this way if I was right in front of these other players faces?

TP;DR
I started playing this game to fight my depression. Recently a lot of stuff happend that has brought it back in full swing. People apparently like me, enjoy my company, like playing with me and want to be my friend. But, those same people, at the same time, dont want to bother with me because I have some flaw they can't overlook. A flaw that no one can even tell me about, so that I could fix myself. No one ever says anything to me regarding this, I just seem to get hurt always. Is this game even worth my time, if no matter who I play with I'm going to be made to feel this way?

[Fjaere]

The problem seems to be with them, not you. Why should you quit because of a few immature people?

[Yamimarik]

So much for being "brief" (crack a smile!)

Seriously though, you're the person who created that thread not too long ago over having girl trouble, which I can see you posted part of what you said in that thread here as well. I'll be honest with you, if those people are treating you this way in this manner, they are not worth your time and were never really your friends. Friends do not treat friends this way, true friends that is. I can't say for sure what exactly it is you've done, because let's face it there are two sides to every story, and whether you're completely innocent in this or not... I can't say. You said you made some mistakes, but you don't outline exactly what that is, regardless you seem to be apologetic about it.

If you truly enjoy playing this game for the games sake, then you need to move on and forget those people. Find some real friends, that you get along with, share similar interests with, and get to know them. Trust me, I went through something of a friend search myself when I realized some of my old XI friends on here weren't so friendly anymore, and I found some of the most amazing friends! It can be quite worth the search if you find people you really get along with AND enjoy playing the game with at the same time!

Don't allow these people to bring down your good time if you still enjoy playing this game, and ignore those that spout out that ridiculous excuse of "it's the internet" stuff... that's just an excuse and overlook them. People should strive to be nice to each other whether behind a digital screen or face to face, people are people no matter what the interface is! I hope you can find a way to move past this and find new friends to continue enjoying this game.

[Kuwagami]

if everyone said they like playing with me ,I'm fun to talk with and they would like to be friends, then why are these same people saying they also don't want to play with me because of some flaw. A flaw that no one can even tell me what it is so I could maybe fix it.

First thing I thought about was a lack of dps (because parser usage to bash someone is ban-worthy, so they would keep quiet about this and never tell), though it shouldn't warrant a FC kick unless the FC was heavily headed towards raids. Even so, kick without any notice is pretty much a d*** move.



On your question now : I don't think you should quit the game over this. I mean, if you still have some love for the game, then by all means don't let people drive you away. What you can do is trying to socialize and enter social LSs (social FCs end up being lies more often than not), gather some friends to stick around and don't bother with FCs until you are really sure it won't affect you negatively.

Cheers

[actualcactus]

Personally I think that if something that's meant to be a fun pastime becomes more stressful and unfulfilling than it's worth, sometimes it can be a benefit to step back for a while and have a break. However, at the same time I don't think you should let some people's immature attitudes keep you from seeking to enjoy a game that you love. It seems unfair to kick someone from an FC without any prior warnings about behavioral issues, which would be the standard in my own FC and many others. It sucks that you did have to put up with that, though. :[

At the same time, I'd hate to admit it, but if this has happened to you on multiple occasions with groups of people that are unfamiliar with each other, perhaps it might also help to examine your own side and how you've been interacting with them. It doesn't sound like you meant any ill will at all, and it's difficult to tell what went down without context, but perhaps your behavior may have been unintentionally off-putting or uncomfortable to others, and they may not have wanted to say anything about it openly to you. The mature thing for them to do would have been to discuss it with you (in private) and attempt to fix things before doing anything as drastic as kicking you outright, but I know of people who would rather just boot and shun someone without saying a word, and it's a shame that that's the case. That's certainly not how actual friends treat friends - the sort of people who can't approach someone maturely just plain aren't worth the time.

I do sympathize with you on wanting to escape from personal stresses and depression, since I also joined for a similar reason. I've found that lot of the life of a social game like this can get sucked out of it, though, if you end up associating with the wrong crowd. However I think that you're just as likely to keep searching and come across a group that can be much more accepting and friendly with you. There are a ton of incredibly welcoming people in here from my experience, moreso than most other games I've played. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck!

[Eloah]

Snip

You are right I made that post a while back. But I deleted it because someone who has actually been my friend throughout all of this made me realize that I was letting my emotions get the better of me. Though I didnt say anything mean, it might not of been right to post those grievances here; though I have no where else to post them really, lol? But as far as doing anything wrong, I don't know what I could of done. Did I not drop everything to help someone and everyone thinks I should have, or something like that. I was acknowledged as being helpful, I help out when I can, but I still like to play and focus on my own thing every once in a while. Besides the incident with the first FC, that I admit was totally my fault, the only thing I was informed of, recently, was that when I tried to help with friendly reminders, the way I worded the text appeared a little condescending. I acknowledged that and tried to not do it as much, because though I wasn't being condescending, I could see how it might be interrupted that way since it's only through text, no verbal intonation to go on.

First thing I thought about was a lack of dps (because parser usage to bash someone is ban-worthy, so they would keep quiet about this and never tell)

I main as a Scholar though. And as far as raiding I don't do it often and normally either go as my Scholar, my highest ilevel, or if I have to/need to DPS mention what level I am if I know it might nkt be on par with someone else based on the content.

[Maikeru]

/hug!

I think you should take a small break, catch breath, look for a distraction somewhere else and think about it. This situation is pretty recent and sadly you had an awful experience prior to that. I can't justify your friends' behaviour, since I think communication is key, and I feel they've failed with that. I'm sorry, bud. I wouldn't recommend you to quit, since you used this game as escape from your depression, which is a serious thing.

If you feel the game is causing more pain than it should, you can try to communicate with them again, sort these issues aout. If it doesn't work tsk... quit... but find a place where you could stay calmed and fine or start all over again. However if you really enjoy the game, but the people are the problem, that server is going to bring bad memories, because you eventually will see that people around, you might as well move to another.

[Alex_Lenderson]

Possibly you whine too much, I have no idea in game but if I got a wall of text like that in FC chat I'd mute you.

[StrejdaTom]

I am not sure how you act in FC while you are depressed hard, from my experience I know that people come to game to have fun and when someone is depressed and negative all the time, they don't want to be near such person because it affects their mood too.
There are people who will want to be around you even when depressed but there are people who have enough of their own problems and don't want negativity around them, because they go to game to escape such stuff, cannot blame them.

I don't think that anyone can say the problem is in your FC/FCs untill he has been there too, no one can say the problem is in you, untill he knows you.

[Eloah]

Possibly you whine too much, I have no idea in game but if I got a wall of text like that in FC chat I'd mute you.

No wall of text just normal everyday conversations about how work was/is, whats new in movies, anime, video games, etc. Whether or not we are hungry, what's for dinner, travel plans, which celebrities have died, just normal conversations in every chat.

And this isn't exclusive to the FC, it's been all around with another playes in LSs too.

snip

No nothing like that, did I air my frustrations, yes, but so did other people, were mine maybe a little more frequent and "bigger" when we were talking about them, maybe. But none of this was an everyday occurrence. 9/10 someone else would bring up an issue they were having and I would relate how I felt about my own issues as a way to comfort them, since sharing ones problems somewhat helps others realize what they "have" and vice versa.