Retainer Ad-Venture Contest (EU) - Entry Thread

[okejakej6]

Today was no ordinary day for the little Lalafell Gekota! it was his grand finale before retirement! so he really wanted to bring back the finest of all treasures in Eorzea to his Mistress.
And that! he thought to himself would be the legendary sea monster called Goldfish resided in the deep lake of Mor Dhona.

He had bet everything on luck this day! but on his way to Mor Dhona he overheard some Fishers talking about some brand new fishing bait called "Gulp, lalafell flavour" working wonders in the lakes!
After hearing that he ran at max speed all the way left to Mor Dhona and went to the closest fishing shop..there he asked the shopkeeper for the Gulp bait, unfortunately it was priced in gil only, which Gekota didn't own.
Saddened Gekota left the shop, went to the lake with his fishing rod and jar of worms. after 35 minutes of fishing he had only caught a potato.
he was starting to loose hope. but then he got struck by the brightest idea! What if he used himself as the bait! he went to the closest fisherman he saw begging him for help!
The kind fisherman agreed and Gekota was stripped down into his underpants within the blink of an eye! went onto the hook and threw himself into the water. It was dark down there, full of seagrass and scary fishes. but that coudn't beat Gekota's Decision!
After a few minutes down there he noticed something shiny! coming towards him with rapid speed! it must've catch the scent of me he thought! And at this moment he started to regret his decision.. he started panicking. swimming all he could up towards the surface. but it was to late! AUCH he cried. the Goldfish had it's teeth stuck in his left buttock. The fisherman up on land felt something heavy and pulled upp the half beaten Lalafell and his new Throphy. The mission was a succes! Gekota thanked the fisherman with an enormous gratitude. and went happily home to his Mistress in the Lavaneder beds!

The end!



In game name: Gekko Moriah
Server: Phoenix
Price: Scarf of Wondrous Wit

[sirhc_xxoc]

The Forgotten Knight Ishguard's fines tavern (if you don't mind the riff raff and curs from the Brume) where adventurers and retainers alike go for some R&R. A favoured patron is the infamous Getmethat a retainer for the mighty warrior of light Sirhc Xxoc.

The summoning bell rings. "Oh seven hells that must <hic> be lord Xxoc" she says. "Gibrillont, find a mage to keep my ale cool. She uses the aether current to return to the summoning bell. “Well if it isn’t <hic> my favorite client always a pleasure sir (pray tell he’s learned a few words since or last encounter)” Sirhc makes a few hand gestures and nods. “….I wont let you down sir” she replies then disappears.

“Mayhap I shouldn’t have drank so <hic> much, why do I always get the strong silent types…. Still he’s so dreamy” she mutters to herself as she stumbles back to the forgotten knight. 45 minutes pass when she remembers her quick venture. “Oh Thals balls <hic> if I don’t return with some kinda of loot Master Xxoc will bugger me with a broad sword” she exclaims to herself in panic. “Gibrillont I must away.”

With only 5 minutes to go she rushes to the fishmonger. “Ah Getmethat my best customer (I wonder what she does with all these fish) pray forgive me but we are sold out ”. As she believed it was all over she spots a malm kelp on the floor that another adventurer had discarded. “Praise Halone <hic> I’m saved”. Just in the nick of time she makes it back to the summoning bell. “Good news sir <hic> the venture was a success, this calls for a <hic> drink” (the victory fanfare plays)

Sirhc is left looking puzzled as to why he has paid someone to get him a leaf but was happy it wasn’t another fish.



Character Name: Sirhc Xxoc
World Name: Excalibur
Choice: Scarf of Wondrous Wit
Retainer: Getmethat

[Euphris]

Character Name: Naoh'ra Ourana
World: Cerberus
Prize Choice: Ahriman Choker

Today was the day! Naoh'ir was going to prove himself a master Fisher to his brother by catching the Scourge of the Lake, a king amongst fish. He prepared himself for the task ahead, took his best gear and rod and set out with enthusiasm. When he arrived he perched himself near the edge of the water, shaded from the harsh sun by the nearby orchard. He was about to start with some practice casts when suddenly-

*SPLASH*

-Looking up in shock, he saw the Scourge of the Lake leap from the water, jaw clamped down on a smaller fish, it's scales shimmering in the sunlight. It crashed back down into the water. Naoh'ir /panic

[Euphris]

Character Name: Naoh'ra Ourana
World: Cerberus
Prize Choice: Ahriman Choker

Today was the day! Naoh'ir was going to prove himself a master Fisher to his brother by catching the Scourge of the Lake, a king amongst fish. He prepared himself for the task ahead, took his best gear and rod and set out with enthusiasm. When he arrived he perched himself near the edge of the water, shaded from the harsh sun by the nearby orchard. He was about to start with some practice casts when suddenly-

*SPLASH*

-Looking up in shock, he saw the Scourge of the Lake leap from the water, jaw clamped down on a smaller fish, it's scales shimmering in the sunlight. It crashed back down into the water. Naoh'ir panicked and tried to quickly cast his line but in the rush his back cast ended with his hook caught on a branch of the nearby tree..

*SNAP* *SPLASH*

..The Scourge had escaped.. The branch had snapped.. And Naoh'ir ended up in the lake..

He sighed and started to pack up his equipment. When reeling in the line, the branch that had snapped came with it. It had 4 beautiful lemons still on it...

Naoh'ir: "Well... when life gives you lemons..."

[SilverDjinn]

Name: Commander Makara
World: Admantoise
Prize: Ahrman choker

"I sent Grand'Nagus (Retainer) out for a woodland Exploration XIV and asked for him to bring me back something special means the last few attempted ventures he seemed to have just randomly been slacking up to the last 10mins of the duty and going around my neighbours stealing their furniture because he couldnt be bothered. I only found out this when a mob of my angry neighbours turned up at my door and demanded there stuff back. Grand'nagus came back after the venture with Fantasia and I had to sit down to have a talk about his behaviour and attitude. We discussed it and ofcourse being a lalafel he denied it and tried to use cute to distract me ofcourse it DID NOT work as i know lalafel are sneaky and underhanded, I warned him he needed to stop or I would have to terminate his employement, Grand'nagus grumbles and muttered and then finally apologised but by the time he had its was well after midnight and I turned in to go to bed due to having a very busy ahead of hidden node mining. During the night Gran'nagus snuck into my room and used the Fantasia on me.. The next morning I awoke to find everytrhing in my house seemed different and I couldnt figure out why everything was soooo big and high... I walked around my house looking for a stool to go check my mirror and to my shock and horror after peering into the mirror there was a lalafel staring back at me.. I ofcourse was like omg wth I jumped off my stool panicking and thats when i saw a note pinned to my front door reading "KEEP YOUR JOB AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR DAYS AS SNEAKY LALAFEL P.S. I STOLE YOUR MOOGLE MAILBOX"..... Needless to say I have learned my lesson never ever piss off a lalafel

[Deefunx]

A Story as disappointing as the things my retainer brings back.
By Deefunx Priss

“Why does this lemon have blood on it?”
Marketbro stared blankly at Deefunx, his lips moved to speak, but words faltered in his throat before they could come to pass. The Roegadyn that all but tripled the advancing Hyur’s mass shuffled his feet and broke his gaze. By all rights, he had made a great disservice to his master; sent on a 1 hour venture only to bring back a bloody bloodied lemon. His master pulled out a chair she had just received from one of her other retainers – Gillionaire, not a speck of blood on that, either. Placing herself deftly onto the chair, she held out a hand for Marketbro to speak.
“So you sent me out to get you some things, howe’er the papers you gave me were smudged with Goblin oil and the like. Ma’am. I made do with what I could read.” The boss nodded once.
“That explains the lemon.” She leaned forward, interested in where this story would proceed, and as she did, the greatsword she used to ‘protect’ Eorzea shimmered in the waning afternoon light. Marketbro gulped some air and continued onwards.
“I went to the Silver Bazaar first. Thought that I could sell some of those affects from Ramuh you wanted rid of. Play them up to be special gems to the dogs that sniff around the place. That’s when I saw her. That high-riding, smug faced whoreson.”
“Who?”
“Mirabel’s retainer. Mimi.”
“Isn’t that a… woman?”
“Aye, but when you’re as salt blasted and foul as such, I reckon whoreson can be applicable. Anyhow, she approached me as I was just about to close a sale on one of those big purple gemstones.” He spat to the ground. “Tried to undercut me right there. Right at me own stand.”
“And then?”
“Wells, I told her to bugger off. So she did.”
Deefunx’s jaw dropped. “That’s it?”
“Yer. Really upset me for the day though.”
The Hyur sat in her chair. She was stunned. She expected something good. A fight. A swearing match that could rival things heard at Buscaron’s. Anything. There was nothing. Blast it all to Azys Lla. Why were retainers such simple people.
“That can’t be it. Why does the lemon have blood on it.”
“Boss, don’t end the story on a sour note.”


Name: Deefunx Priss
World: Phoenix
Prize: Scarf of Wit

[HikiKai]

I am Claudstrype, a full-pledged retainer monk to my beloved Mistress. Serving her is bliss, however, I have found myself in panic whenever I am summoned lately. I had not been able to retrieve anything of much value during my recent explorations. Perhaps it is due to the heavy competition or just bad luck, but I hope my Mistress will not tire of my incompetence.

With this thought in mind, I set forth to Mor Dhona and arrived at the doorsteps of Emperor Xande where I was greeted by Sir Glasya Labolas.
"Oi, Strype! Been a while since you came around."
"Yes, Sir Glasya. My Mistress has been preoccupied lately...and short of venture coins for funding."
"Ah, I see. Sounds like you have been having it tough, too..."
"Something seems to be bothering you, Sir. It is rare for one to see you down here. If you will permit, I shall lend an ear to your woes."
"Strype!!!"

Several hours pass as Sir Glasya shared his story with me, how he and his co-workers feel unworthy to serve the Emperor as his subjects, unable to stop the pack of adventurers who barge in their tower to loot them.
"Thank you for listening to me, my good friend. I feel much better now."
"I am honored, Sir. Ah, but do forgive me, I must take my leave now, I am being summoned."
"Oh! It seems I've taken more of your time than I should have. Let me give you something in return! "
"Ah, you must not trouble yourself , Sir Glasya!"
"Nonsense! Just take it as from one Monk to another. Your Mistress is also one, right? What was her race again?"
"Ah...If you must insist. She is a Miqo'te, Sir Glasya."
"Wonderful! Take this! I am sure she will love it!"

And so, with Sir Glasya's gift, I return to my Mistress.
"I have come, Mistress."
"Welcome baaaack~"
"I have brought you a gift from Sir Glasya Labolas of the Syrcus Tower."
I hand it over to my Mistress and a moment of silence filled the room.
"...That's great and all, Strypey-chwon, but it's not written on the description of this..."
"Ah."
" Harbor Herring."
"..."
"Hmmmm..."
"...If that is all, I will take my leave now, Mistress."

From the warm markets of Ul'dah, I was re-dispatched in the markets of Ishgard.
"The breeze of Ishgard seem to have gotten colder recently..."

Character: Nyanchan Mochiko
World: Carbuncle
Preferred in-game Prize: Bluebird Earring

[Yakushimaru]

If a friend inquired about my Mistress, I’d tell them she was one of those particularly religious folk. Oddly, the lady blessed with the light of Hydaelyn does not send her fervent prayers to the Twelve nor the Mothercrystal.

No, instead she prays to the one she refers to as ‘RNGsus’, what nature of deity it is completely beyond me, but apparently he is supervised or directly controlled by a greater deity called ‘Yoshida’, this Chief deity is completely unknown to me and yet I always feel a certain sense of familiarity, like he truly exists, perhaps faith is genetically coded into me?

My lady also seems to be in constant battle against two fronts, her studies of some scholarly form of business and mercantile theory, and that twit named Alphinaud. Sure, he’s definitely a looker, like that cute flower girl who lived down at the corner back home, but whenever he opens his mouth, it’s always “Something big and totally not my fault has occurred! Please help Eorzea!” Quite annoying to later discover my lady had to travel across Eorzea and back again to clean up some mess the little brat caused.

The amount of travel my lady must do for her work is back breaking, and she returns much like a walking corpse. Not dead enough to bury, but too dead to gather any goods.

Today again, she crashes into the summoning bell, and bids me to go on a Quick venture. She’s always sent me on those ever since I came back with some pots of rare dye. It does me great pride seeing the Mistress use those dyes on her favourite clothes. However it seems to have set a precedent that is difficult to match.

Before handing me the two ventures and sending me on my way, the Mistress knelt and, as usual muttered her impassioned prayers to RNGsus. She told me, “Whatever is fine, surprise me! Just don’t get hurt and come back quickly.” Oh she is a lovely miss she is, beats Primals left and right, and yet cares for us retainers like family. I guess that’s her failing too, else she’d slap that Alphinaud right in the gob with a smelly fish.

I hit the markets, hoping that shady merchant had some stock of those dyes he trades me cheap for a single venture’s worth, I pocket the difference and family back home can eat for another moon. Lucky I’m not the gambling type, because best the little rat had was some “particularly delicious fishies”. Time was running short and I figured the mistress could probably whip up something delicious with some quality fish, so I closed the deal and rushed home. Guess who made a tidy profit too.

The Mistress received me with another bodily crash onto the Summoning Bell, and I presented to her the Catch of the Day, a fabulously High Quality Lominsan Anchovy. The Mistress simply shouted “Yoshidaaaaaa!” to the skies.

She was so happy she praised her deity.

Character name: Jakuri Jinno
World name: Tonberry
Prize: Bluebird Earring

[TinyCat]

Character name; Helian Thusse
World name; Brynhildr
Prize of choice; Ahriman Choker

My name is Frajaria.

I am 27 suns and 8 moons old.

For a living I am a retainer.

I hate it.

---------------------

Ring-ring.
He's back. He always forgets something, swapping a trinket with me or asking me if I've sold anything. If only he wouldn't interrupt my real work. Please just give me the token.

How ironic, he leaves me in the care of a bursting sack of tokens. Ah, but today is special, he takes another from his pocket and places it in my palm. It is time.

"Of course m'lord, where shall you have me go today, and to what end?"
Again, as last time, he passes me a marked map.
Again, as last time, he farewells me wordlessly.
"Of course m'lord, I shall not disappoint."

I make way to the destination immediately, the sands ahead of me quickly become the dunes behind, soon I am there. The air is still, sharp, the aether is dense. Much like my employer I am a student of the martial arts. My arms are drawn.

At this moment I am no longer a retainer, time is meaningless, I am not Frajaria.
I am force incarnate.

"An' who are you suppose'ta be luv?"
"Ooh, lookie here boys, some chickybage ginger's here to show us a good time!"

Every set of crooked teeth gleaming in the torchlight produces it's own distinct, sinister chuckle. The chorus distils my focus.

"You shiteheads bloody bind? Lookit her jacket, she's wunna them Warrior of Light's personal gophers, them there retainers hafta offer diplomacy before they belt the snot outta ya."
"Aw piss, I ain't doing the tango with no sheila that fights like the fella who sent the black wolf home in a box."
"Be a real darl and do ya little speech so's we can pack up, we'll turn over a new leaf, I swears it on me Mum."

My heartbeat slows. Peace washes over me, I am ready to do what is right.

"No."

---------------------

Ring-ring.
He's back.

"M'lord, your will has been done."
For every token that he had left in my care that morning, there are as many teeth in the bag I drop at his feet.
The smile on his face shows his approval. Being a retainer is the near unbearable symptom of the privilege to help and train under the Warrior of Light.
I am given another token and before my shadow has lengthened I am northbound for the winterlands on another mission.

My name is Frajaria.

I am 27 suns and 8 moons old.

For a living I am a retainer.

And I love it.

[Moonglow]

Character: F'reya Sunburst
server: (Ragnarok)
Item : Ahriman Choker


Outside, a roaring, high pitched screeching filled the air, as the sandstorm forced its way through holes and past sharp edges in the massive canyon walls. Akin to a starving wild beast, it appeared out of nowhere and hungrily swallowed the world whole in one fell swoop. Dissonance had found the safety of a large rift, torn deep into the hard red stone of the wall ,just in time. However , reaching shelter came with a price. Half of the painfully gathered loot had to be left behind , most of it likely spread widely troughout all of the Ala Mhigan desert by now.

Absently, the elezen woman pulled the cork of the hard leather covered bottle from her belt, and dripped its soothing contents over her face in an attempt to wash off the burning from her eyes. She would end up returning with hastily scrambled, third rate goods once again, earning herself another lecture from her harsh mistress. Dissonance's legs gave in at the thought. Collapsing like a lifeless ragdoll, she hit the stony cavern floor hard with her bottom. Her limbs felt heavy with resignation and refused to move any further.

Tired, she decided to take a moment to gather herself , and allowed her weary mind a moment of respite, swaying back to pleasant memories long past. Rumors of a way to support the grand heroes of Eorzea, discovering the world along the way, had woken her from the nightmare of a monotonous Limsa'n farmer's life. Hand's trembling with anticipation, she had spilled the dark ink on the Retainer employment contract and her employer lady. The mishap had dyed her sleeves in royal blue, and to this day , even though her mistress' masterfully crafted armor had replaced her cheap farmer's rag's long ago, it sometimes seemed like some of the blue had still remained on her skin. Yes, it was a straining job, and at times a thankless one at that, but such was the price of the freedom she had sought for herself. One day , she would stand beside the legend she served as their equal.

The thought of the decision she made that day rekindled her determination. Dissonance pulled the bag lying beside her to herself , and hastily scoured it's sandy insides for some remaining salvagable contents. Several of the glass bottles, filled with various monster blood types she had gathered , were cracked or outright broken and their value had leaked along with their contents. The fluids had dripped into the large batch of Allagan silks and stunk horribly from Morbol secretions. Most of the wares shared the same ill fate. Dissonance's eyes grew wide with panic. Her hands dug deep into any pocket that might have remained untouched and sure enough - after a while of fervent search, one single batch of malm kelp leaves appeared to have survived the onslaught mostly unharmed. A bitter frown formed on Dissonance's face. One day , she would be a legend herself. Today however, this would have to suffice.