Retainer Ad-Venture Contest (EU) - Entry Thread

[Deefunx]

A Story as disappointing as the things my retainer brings back.
By Deefunx Priss

“Why does this lemon have blood on it?”
Marketbro stared blankly at Deefunx, his lips moved to speak, but words faltered in his throat before they could come to pass. The Roegadyn that all but tripled the advancing Hyur’s mass shuffled his feet and broke his gaze. By all rights, he had made a great disservice to his master; sent on a 1 hour venture only to bring back a bloody bloodied lemon. His master pulled out a chair she had just received from one of her other retainers – Gillionaire, not a speck of blood on that, either. Placing herself deftly onto the chair, she held out a hand for Marketbro to speak.
“So you sent me out to get you some things, howe’er the papers you gave me were smudged with Goblin oil and the like. Ma’am. I made do with what I could read.” The boss nodded once.
“That explains the lemon.” She leaned forward, interested in where this story would proceed, and as she did, the greatsword she used to ‘protect’ Eorzea shimmered in the waning afternoon light. Marketbro gulped some air and continued onwards.
“I went to the Silver Bazaar first. Thought that I could sell some of those affects from Ramuh you wanted rid of. Play them up to be special gems to the dogs that sniff around the place. That’s when I saw her. That high-riding, smug faced whoreson.”
“Who?”
“Mirabel’s retainer. Mimi.”
“Isn’t that a… woman?”
“Aye, but when you’re as salt blasted and foul as such, I reckon whoreson can be applicable. Anyhow, she approached me as I was just about to close a sale on one of those big purple gemstones.” He spat to the ground. “Tried to undercut me right there. Right at me own stand.”
“And then?”
“Wells, I told her to bugger off. So she did.”
Deefunx’s jaw dropped. “That’s it?”
“Yer. Really upset me for the day though.”
The Hyur sat in her chair. She was stunned. She expected something good. A fight. A swearing match that could rival things heard at Buscaron’s. Anything. There was nothing. Blast it all to Azys Lla. Why were retainers such simple people.
“That can’t be it. Why does the lemon have blood on it.”
“Boss, don’t end the story on a sour note.”


Name: Deefunx Priss
World: Phoenix
Prize: Scarf of Wit

[-Mira-]

Character name: Mira Amariyo
World name: Malboro
Choice of Prize: Mandragora Choker
------------------------------------------

Exploring is the best way to learn. That is probably why this is what I do most. From the first, “Here you go, your first bow. Start out on some small critters first and one day you’ll travel every corner of Eorzea just like me,” to the real work. I explore every corner now...
I loved the look on Mira's face when I’d return home with something odd like a roof or something else. “Where did you get that!?” A joking rumour has it that we take a roof or door from another house… off course this isn’t true. I actually visited the alchemist guild one day and on the way back to Gridania it was raining, so I had a little roof constructed as an umbrella. Quite the brilliant idea if you ask me, I didn’t have an umbrella after all.
Sometimes, and this is the most fun, I team up with other retainers. We go to dungeons or hunt for treasure. We also, although this is a bit boring in comparison, simply trade all sorts of random things we get our hands on.

New warm clothes, “We’re going to Ishgard.” I will never really get used to this, or so I thought. I was born and raised in the Thanalan area before I became a retainer. After a road through Coerthas CH arriving shivering in front of a hot fire at The Forgotten Knight. Suddenly I feel a woollen blanket draped on my shoulders. “Poor boy,” the familiar voice of Mira, “You know one way to endure the cold weather up here is returning here for a cosy warm blanket… and…” she handed me a mug with a good smelling brown drink, “Hot Chocolate, be careful not to burn your mouth while drinking.”
Guess what happened on the first sip? Still, if Mira treats me this drink every time I’m needed here… Yes, I think I can get used to this.

Ping, ping, ring. “Hey, you are needed at the FC-House in Mist.” It wasn’t the usual voice of Mira, but instead the younger miqo’te girl. She is the other retainer in our team in charge of mostly fishing.
I made the quick warp to Mist into the house up to the familiar room...
…Opened the door…
“Happy 16th nameday~!”
*POP!*
Confetti was raining and floating down on me.
… Wow!… never in my life…
A table in the middle of the room with a real Nameday Cake. Am I dreaming?
The rest all went so fast it seemed to happen all at once. The two Miqo’te handed me a wrapped up box while leading me to the cake.
“Make a wish for your new year, and good luck.”
“Thank you both, so much.”

I hope many more good stories come to this…

Being a retainer is the best choice I made in my life.

[RandomMiqote]

"But it is only a ten minute run to the merchant... it will do you the world of good. More than the hi-potion could ever do.", the rather dour and pale Miqo'te retainer muttered through clenched teeth and the dismissive wave from the 'indisposed' Rhaya'li did little to ease the slow and coarse grinding from the retainer's maw.



A further pained groan from Rhaya'li issued forth and the retainer rolled his eyes heavens-ward and stalked from the room with a thunderous expression etched upon his pale features.



The ten minute walk did little to ease the annoyance that had been bubbling up within the retainer's mind, every little grudge and grievance growing exponentially with each 'ding' of that damned bell. Fetch this, fetch that, ding, ding, ding!



The growl that erupted from the pale miqo'te retainer startled a good many about him, including the Lalafel merchant he was standing before. The retainer's bubbling rage escaping with a gnash of teeth and a violent lash of his fluffy white tail before several deep breaths were taken. Each breath causing that fluffy white tail to swish a little less vigorously until finally it settled into a gentle flit of fur.



"I need..." A further deep breath escaped him, his shoulders sagged as he eyed the coins within his pale hand, "One potion and two vials of blood red dye if you please."



The retainer smirked, his sharp teeth bared for an instant as he took his three items stalked but a few yards before dipping into a discreet alley to mix the potion with the dye. It wasn't exactly clean, the colour was certainly a little off and the retainer's hands were adorned with red streaks that almost gave the impression that the retainer had been butchering the local flora and fauna with a vengeance.

The door to the room in the inn creaked open and the loyal retainer was met with a muttered grunt as light dared intrude upon the delicate sensibilities of Rhaya'li, "I've brought a hi-potion, though perhaps if you didn't scoff every last piece of bubble choco..." Again the retainer was cut off by a pained grunt and a trembling hand reached out unceremoniously for the hi-potion.

The retainer smirked and offered across the concoction with barely a hint of remorse, "I'm sure it will do you the world of good, I do hope you feel better. Just ring the bell if you need anything." And with those final words, the retainer nudged the bell a little further away from his dear employer and then slinked from the room just as Rhaya'li began to quaff from the bottle...

Character Name: Rhaya'li Lyegha
World: Siren
Prize: Scarf of Wondrous Wit

[Wu_Tang]

Character Name:Wu Tang
World name: Tonberry
Reward:Mandragora Choker


Retainer’s Log Entry: <22nd Sun of the 6th Umbral Moon>

It’s been 4 weeks since I’d "escaped" from Madam Rowena's House of Splendour’s, and I've yet to find a new master.

Un-employment rates are at an all-time high, now 7% from 5% last year, I blame the Calamity.

I’ve travelled to Limsa Lominsa looking for more employment prospects as the refugee crises in Ul’dha is escalating.

Skipping through the residential district of ‘The Mists’, my attention is drawn to a flyer that has stuck to my sandel.

“Huehuehue! The Great, Wonderful and Charming Master Tang is looking for his 4th Retainer! Do you have what it takes? Are you Dedicated, Upbeat, and Professional? Details below!”

I pray for the best as I hand my application and a Kupo Nut to the delivery moogle and await a reply.

/Cheer

I got the job!

Standing nervously at attention. Master Tang is deciding which venture I’ll receive, I’m hoping for something exciting, like a hunting expedition in the Coerthas Central Highlands, slaying wild beasts in the name of House Fortemps or maybe I’ll be mining for raw diamonds in the U’ghamaro Mines.

Master Tang backflips into his adjoining closet, and returns promptly handing me…

…a <Weathered Fishing Rod>.

Venture: Waterside Exploration.

But I don’t know how to fish!

I begin by looking for advice in Fisherman’s Bottom, there I see a swaying lalafell on a barrel, Guildmaster Wawalago’s was his name and being drunk was the game, apparently.

Sitting on the edge of Aleport pier with my rod, I cast a Goby ball and wait expectantly. After hours with little success one of the locals, Mr. Skribyld and his pet coeurl kitten ‘Chester’ stop by to offer me help.

“It’s all in the wrist little lady!” he bellows. The help pays off, and I get my first bite! , as I struggle to pull the line-up the damn beast almost takes my hand!

You receive…

A <Merlthor Goby (HQ)>

Disappointment crushes my soul and I toss the Goby into a basket and continue fishing.

Goby’s! It’s the only thing I’ve caught for 3 days straight, I can’t take it anymore! I’ve even lost most of my catch, the seedy underbelly of Aleport strikes again!

As my venture deadline approaches, I prepare to leave Aleport as a complete failure, my reputation in tatters before it’s even begun.

Walking towards the towns Aertheryte empty handed I hear strange noises in a nearby alleyway.

They say curiosity killed the Coeurl, but satisfaction brought it back.

Peering around the corner my eyes widen, it’ll have to do! I tried moving the object with rope, but it wouldn’t budge, I ended up rolling it to the Aetheryte.

Crocodile tears littered my face as the master reaches me after seeing the others, frustration visible on his face, he peers down towards my feet and raises an eye-brow in question.

I gulp and say the following;

“His name is ‘Chester’ Master and he’s…a Fat Cat.”

…Meow~ *Burp*

[Wu_Tang]

I forgot to add my retainers name! It's JuneBug. Gomen.

[Elita-Draconia]

Millythia Solunawing's epic Ad-venture

Millythia was never the cleverest Au Ra in Eorzea. Despite having an unnatural attunement to aether she could never cast the simplest of spells. Some would say she was overqualified to cast the most basic of spells, but those who knew her would say that she was underqualified to even learn them. It wasn’t that she didn’t have the potential, but rather her basic understanding of linguistics was very flawed.
“Right, mistress wants me to bring back a carton, corination…a flower, there, I know flowers. Elita said it was for a hat or something.” Millythia told herself as she walked through the desert following a rumour. She travelled as far south as she could go and ended up somewhere that, by normal means, should be unreachable.

Upon finding the flower, Millythia was surrounded by a sand swimming beast tribe that were previously unknown. Millythia tried to reason with them as they chanted in an unfamiliar language. Suddenly the sand quaked and, where the rose once stood, there now towered a creature covered in a ruby shell. It had two long tendrils for arms, which it promptly buried in the sand. Millythia swung at one of them with her scythe, her unnatural aether flow spreading through the blade as she sliced one clean off. The second tendril smashed upon her then grasped her body to recover its lost aether then regenerated the lost limb.
“You can’t be serious!” Millythia cried out as she was thrown into a crystal that protruded slightly from the sand. The sand then begun to swirl and Milly had to pull herself up onto the crystal for safety.
“Damnit, I need to get that flower for mistress.” Millythia cried out as she punched the crystal in distress. A small crack formed into the crystal followed by an explosion of aether that sent her flying. Millythia’s head snapped around to see the flower as she passed and took a slice at the stem. The flower fell with her and she grabbed it quick before tumbling across the ground. Without hesitation, she pushed herself up and ran off as fast as she could.

Milly reached the edges of civilisation and bumped into a Lalafellian girl carrying a whole bunch of carnations.
“Oh, uh…I’m sorry.” Millythia apologised, helping her pick up the flowers that she’d dropped.
“It’s okay, I think I may have collected a bit too many carnations and couldn’t quite see where I was going.” The girl replied. “Hey, tell you what, if you give me a hand selling them I’ll let you have a bouquet of my flowers and I’ll pay you for your work.”
“Well, I guess mistress would be happy if I brought back more than...wait, where’d it go?” Milly asked herself as she rifled through her clothes. There was no sign of the flower anywhere. At this point she had no other choice but to agree and eventually returned to Elita with flowers in hand.



1 Elita Draconia
2 Shiva
3 Ahriman Choker

[Eirwen]

Sneaking his way past a couple of Illuminati goblins, Jabediah got to the nearest mineral deposit in the Dravanian Hinterlands. He reached for the pickaxe on his back and extended the chisel and pick out from its folded position. With it raised high, his might braced to strike down on the rocky formation with wind crystals, he was interrupted by a familiar chime ringing from his linkpearl.

Jabediah sighed dejectedly. It was but ten minutes ago that his contractor sent him out on this venture. He corrected his Hamlet Digger’s helmet on his head and teleported to the retainer bell in the Goblet.

“You have additional orders, Lady Eir?” He asked his old fellow adventurer in his usual polite fashion while towering over her with his elezen physique.

Eirwen shook her head and craned her neck far back, almost looking straight up, in order to request some clear prisms from his inventory to glamour a new gear piece she recently acquired.

He handed her the items, imagining a disembodied head staring up at him and wondered what new glamour the former model would showcase this time.

Eirwen thanked him and sent him back on his merry way without the barest of hints.

“As you wish. As you wish,” he muttered to himself as he teleported in at Idyllshire, “Why must I be such a nice man?”

Jabediah used a porter chocobo to return to the chocobo statue near the mineral deposits and used his stealth to get past all the enemies again. With his pickaxe ready to slash into the stone, he checked his ears for any signals.

Nothing.

Determined to earn his venture, he slammed his pickaxe in the rock and excavated his first of thirty wind crystals.

Minutes passed, uninterrupted by the locals nor his contractor. He got up to twenty-nine crystals and had one last to dig out, but the crystal wouldn’t budge. He struck the rock again, but nothing happened. Time was ticking and he refused to walk to an easier node. A different chime indicated to him his time was up, but was still one crystal short.

Jabediah hastily looked around for a wind sprite. When he spotted one nearby, he pushed the chisel and pick down and extracted an extension of the hilt from the bottom, creating a lance. Using the pointed ends of his pickaxe, which he kept sharpened for such reasons, he attacked the wind sprite with his dragoon skills and felled it quickly.

He extracted a wind crystal from its remains and teleported to the retainer bell, where his contractor eagerly awaited. This time, he found himself in Idyllshire. Wondering why on Hydaelyn she chose to be in this town now, he crooked up a smile and turned in the crystals. His hyuran friend could be demanding at times, but seeing her in some attractive new shorts with cute rear pockets made it all worthwhile, reminding him of his old days as a dragoon by her side.

Character name: Eirwen Mackenzie
World name: Excalibur
In-game Prize: Ahriman Choker

[Eirwen]

And here's what he looks like.

[Lyrisath]

Character: Jacia Worldswalker
World: Balmung
Prize: Scarf of Wondrous Wit

---

A Rogue's Reward

R'haajr had always loved doing business with goblins. Any shiny bauble would catch their attention, and every now and then they had something of value they'd stumbled across in ignorance.

Not so unlike taking on ventures - guaranteed pay for bringing back... more or less anything. Jacia had always done well by him, though, so he liked to do his best. Well, the best he could do without putting in too much effort, and the spoils of an afternoon jaunt to some sunny corner of La Noscea fit that bill nicely. Spoils which were currently shaping up to consist of a faintly interesting Allagan-looking lump sitting among a goblin trader's wares.

"Lootfix greets uplander! Sees uplander having lustyeyes for junk of Lootfix, yes? Lootfix makes busydeal!"

"Well, when you put it like that..." grinned R'haajr. "Behold!"

He turned out his pockets to reveal a motley assortment of trinkets, all odd shapes and pretty colours, including-

"Agh! Nononono!"

He moved to snatch back the glint of silver as it rolled, but the goblin had already laid eyes on it. Lootpix's eyes gleamed through his goggles at the precious treasure as it disappeared into R'haajr's closed fist.

"Aha! Lootpix is muchwanting that silvergleam!"

That 'silvergleam' happened to be R'haajr's pay - his Venture. If he traded this away, he'd have worked for free, and the only thing less appealing than working was not even getting paid for it. He clutched it to his chest and fiddled with it, giving a nervous laugh.

"This thing? You don't want this. It's-it's small and worthless and really not very shiny. Maybe some jinglyshine instead?"

"Pssssh! Lootfix makes trade for silvergleam, not for jinglyshine today, and for tongueflaps never! Lootpix is having the judgethink that uplander is wideheart uplander. Sadfeel it would be if Lootpix had judgethink of uplander as narrowheart, no?"

"Let's not be hasty," replied the miqo'te. "Only this is er, precious. To me. Sentimental value, really. Nothing special-"

"Shhhkoh! Ears of Lootfix will earcatch no more timewaste tongueflaps."

R'haajr sighed theatrically.

"Fine. But if I'm parting with this, you make it worth my while, got it? Seven hells, the things I do to stay employed..."

Lootpix beamed and excitedly indicated his whole range of trinketry.

"Uplander chooses! Anything that is making eyecatch of wideheart uplander!"

"Two things."

"Uplander asks two tradethings for one?!"

"Well, if you don't really want this..." said R'haajr airily, turning away.

"Psssshhh... shkoh. Lootfix agrees to busydeal of uplander. Uplander chooses two tradethings before mind of Lootfix changes!"

R'haajr plucked up both the Allagan piece and an ore-flecked rock, and flicked something small and silver in Lootfix's direction as he turned to leave.

"Pleasure making a busydeal with you!" called R'haajr over his shoulder.

He put his hand into his pocket where his Venture had been safely returned, and suppressed a laugh until he was out of sight.

There were worse ways to spend a shiny jacket button.

[Lyrisath]

And only now I realise I've written the gobbie's name two different ways. Ack! They should all say "Lootpix." Sorry. D: