Retainer Ad-Venture Contest (EU) - Entry Thread

[Rin_Sato]

The sun shining sunny showers over the shroud,
A played out pesky pun pining with its partisan,
The entertainer's wallet and breadbasket lighter than any feather,
No personal possessions of any kind to even weather,
The retainer's responsibility residing now in mercenary - a marauder,
Was assigned to venture to the burning purgatory of the desert's hot weather,
Given to the temperate turf of the tranquil thicket treeline,
The infernal inferno inferring far too much fear for the frightful feline,
Hitting the horned horror with a hatchet in hand wholly horrified and heading for home in a beeline,
Satisfied with surviving the scorching skirmish safe and sound,
Walking home a trophy in one hand and pastry in the other.

1. Character name: Nomed Nemes
2. World: Exodus
3. Prize: Ahriman Choker

[Bizant]

Approaching the enormous river that coursed through the heart of the Dravanian Hinterlands, the Elezen, known even to his adventurer employer simply as Condit, commanded his jet black, flying chocobo to make its descent. Having landed gently on a grassy verge, he dismounted, and led the chocobo to the water's edge. As he filled his bottle, he was interrupted by a sharp call from some ten yalms downstream.

"Ahoy!" came the voice, shrill enough to be heard over the river's swift current. A mustached Lalafell lay in a reclined, foldable chair, holding a fishing rod. His demeanour was shockingly serene.

Condit smiled. "Good day."

"You're a retainer, am I right?" the Lalafell said.

"Correct." Condit replied as he approached. "How could you tell?"

"Just a skill I've picked up." The Lalafell grinned.

"And you're a fisherman?" Condit ventured. The Lalafell laughed heartily.

"Goodness, no! I don't know what gave you that impression." He grinned again. "I, too, am a retainer. In fact I'm on a field exploration as we speak."

"A very relaxing field exploration, I must say," Condit said.

"Indeed it is! I've returned from no less than twelve ventures with nothing but a mudskipper, and not a complaint yet. This is the life."

Condit chuckled. It was retainers like this that gave others a bad name, but the Lalafell's candour was somehow endearing. "Isn't it, though?" He leapt into his chocobo's saddle, and smiled. "Happy fishing, sir!"

The little retainer grinned once more. "And to you!"

---

Having flown not 300 yalms from the river, Condit spotted a Poroggo lying motionless on the grass below. He swooped down, leapt from his chocobo's saddle, and kneeled beside the creature. It was wearing an ornate necklace, and loosely held a mage's cane in one hand. Raising its head from the grass, it weakly croaked two words.

"Behind... you..."

Condit whirled around to find a Sun Bear, at least 8 feet tall, hurling one of its giant, clawed legs directly at his face. He backflipped to safety 15 yalms away, and drew his lance. The monster leapt after him, throwing another swipe impossibly fast. This time, the Elezen had time only to parry the attack with his weapon. The force of the blow knocked him back, and the bear followed up with a second, more ferocious swipe. He sidestepped the attack, and launched a strike to the monster's midriff. As it roared in pain and swiped at him clumsily, Condit dropped low, and sliced his lance across the bear's hind legs, sweeping them from under it. As the bear lay stunned, Condit launched the finishing blow.

The Poroggo, now recovered, approached with what appeared to be a gift of appreciation, wrapped in leaves. It carefully removed the leaves to reveal a fresh mudskipper.

Condit managed a semi-convincing smile, accepted the gift, and began his journey back to Gridania.

---

Flying low over the river, Condit waved his hard-earned fish at the little retainer. Still reclined, the Lalafell waved his own mudskipper, and grinned.

---


Character name - Bizant Frost
World name - Brynhildr
Prize - Scarf of Wondrous Wit

[LunarisStarchilde]

Earners

LunaStarr jerked her foot back from the water, almost falling out of her chair and spilling her drink. “Tide's coming in,” She frowned over her glass at the waves in front of her. The sun was starting to set over Costa del Sol, beach chairs being emptied in favor of bar stools.
“We should get dressed and get ready.”
Ninyashi stretched and yawned. “Yeah, any moment now that stupid bell's going to chime, and then it's all, 'So what kind of fish is it this time?' ” The last part spoken in a nasal tone.
Luna stood up and bowed to Nina. “This cat has brought you a present, madam." She did her mock-greeting then held out and empty hand to the Au Ra in front of her.
Nina smiled at the Miqo'te, then changed to an exaggerated scowl before continuing her impression of their master. “ 'And what manner of junk is this you brought me? You know food and blankets are for earners.' ”
“Oh madam, it's a new stick for you, that you might replace the one currently shoved up your--”
They both shared a shudder and chuckle as the chime of a crystal bell was heard from their Venture's linkpearl.
“Speak of the devil..” Luna sighed.

The Idyllshire rain beating down on Lunaris Starchilde did little to improve her mood. Nor did the look on LunaStarr's face when she arrived. “Please tell me you brought me something worthwhile.”
Luna bowed and presented a long wrapped box.
Lunaris opened it to find a Madman's Whispering Wand. “A stick!? What am I supposed to do with this!?”

LunaStarr sneezed from the smell of hay and bird in the chocobo stable. The straw that made her bed for the night poked through her clothes and itched. “No sense of humor, that one.”
Nina shot Luna a look. “Couldn't keep you mouth shut, could you.”
Luna smiled at Nina before reaching behind herself to grab a rather large flask. She poured the contents into two ceramic cups and handed one to the Au Ra. “At least she let us keep the blanket.”

Name: Lunaris Starchilde
World: Shiva
Prize: Bluebird Earrings

[Spiroth]

Spiroth Kama got up early today. He would meet his fellow Adventurers and go hunt that elusive Lampalagua they have been trying to conquer for almost 2 yeas now near Camp Drybone again today.

Before he left he hit the Bell and summoned his dream cat Lickykitty to send her on a Venture.

*chim chim*

Lickykitty: "Hello Spiroth, how are you doing today? "
Spiroth: "Really great, I have a feeling I'm gonna get that Lampalagua today."
Lickykitty: "(Yeah Right) Awesome! I believe in you!!!" I'll be omw now, gonna get you something really cool today!"
Spiroth: "(Yeah Right) Thank you, have a nice Venture!


And so, Lickykitty embarked on her adventure.... to Buscharron's Druthers. She ate, and drank, and even fought with a random drunk guy (it was... fate ), she played Triple Triad against Buscharron and lost, and had a fun time all day long.
But she then remembered she was on a Venture and was supposed to bring something great back. She searched and searched, but couldn't find anything... and there was no time.

As the chime bell sounded through the Retainer Magic Portal, and as Lickykitty was being sucked through it, she felt really sad, and as that thought was crossing her mind, she quickly grabbed the bra of the waitress next to her out of her chest and was sucked through the Portal.


On the other side, Spiroth Kama was feeling down.

Lickykitty: "Hey Spiroth... What's going on?"
Spiroth: "Couldn't find Lampalagua again today..."

He seemed so sad... Lickykitty couldn't see him like this.

Lickykitty: "Hey Hey don't be sad you'll get him tomorrow! Here, feast on this amazing prize I brought you!!!"

*Lickykitty hands over the bra*
*akward staring*

Spiroth:"-_-"
Lickykitty: "^_^;;;"

Lickykitty: Ok then, what about this then my love?

*Lickykitty reached out and gave him a warm kiss*

Spiroth: "You're the best Retainer an Adventurer could ever hope to have. I love you."
Lickykitty: "I love you too, my Light in this world."



Spiroth Kama
Malboro
Scarf of Wondrous Wit

[Chiizu]

"I want my pot of pure white dye this time, or don't bother coming back!" Chiizuki scoffed, pompously dropping a venture into my open hand. I met her eyes with a steady gaze.
The tiny Lalafell's cheeks were a few shades rosier than usual and her perfectly styled pigtails askew. Jandelaine would no doubt want a word with me later.
I gracefully swept my arm under me as I bowed "I shall not fail you, madam."
She sighed loudly and muttered something about my "Elezen head in the clouds" before marching off in the direction of the nearest merchant.

Pot of pure white...I mused as I strode through the Lavender Beds neighbourhood where Chiizuki and her Free Company resided.
Pure White. A moment of epiphany hit me and I flung my arms out in jubilation. But of course, the white mages!

A chocobo ride brought me to Camp Tranquil, where I had often glimpsed Raya-O-Senna providing guidance to aspiring adventurers.

Milkis, Chiizuki's hired botanist, was hacking at a nearby bush with a look of intense concentration. She was an odd girl that smelled of fishmeal, eating whatever she foraged (I once caught her crunching on dragon peppers). I strode past briskly, determined not to be sidetracked by talk of rare tea leaves or mushrooms.

Catching sight of me, she straightened up with a wide smile and tipped her straw hat in my direction.
"Pardon my manners, I thought you wouldn't notice." I graced her with a hasty bow.
"Oh you're so tall, you're hard to miss." She giggled, politely covering her mouth with soiled gardening gloves.
She eyed my newly minted coin. "On an important venture today, Catmousse?"
"Indeed. I am here to obtain a pot of-"
“Look at this truffle!” She exclaimed, holding a fragrant white ball up to my eyes “it’s got a smiley face.”
I felt my eyebrow twitch. “That’s lovely, but Chiizuki will have my head if I don’t get that pot of-”
"Maple syrup?" She interjected, eagerly pressing a sticky pot into my pouch. "It's fresh from the sap I farmed this morning!"
"Yes, yes, that must be it." I frowned at the golden liquid oozing onto the new leather. I could tell she had been snacking on it by the tiny crumb of mud encased within.
“Wonderful! I always knew Chiizuki secretly loves my maple syrup.” With a wink, she turned her attention back to the disheveled bush.

I seized my chance to hurry away, putting a good distance between us before letting out a sigh of relief. Potential 2 hour conversation avoided. I considered that a job well done.
Now that I have my pot of...maple syrup, I had best not keep my mistress waiting.

~

Character: Chiizuki Catpig
World: Tiamat
Prize: Scarf of Wondrous Wit

[Kiupolo]

With the venture coins secured in her coin pouch, Rioka looked around, listening for opportunities. What the sun over Ul’dah gave her in trouble, the markets gave back in rumours aplenty- tales of legendary fish, Allagan coins turning up in digs, the trade of items for the Wolves’ Den- and of course ores and crystals. Her fellow retainer Hallaka had those well covered, and Rioka turned her ears elsewhere.

She was listening to a conversation on the merits of hippogriff leather when she caught it- a small, snuffling sound. Curious, she turned her head- and caught sight of a small round four-legged creature, sniffing at the corner of one of the tradescraft stalls.

Swiftly, she strode over and knelt down, holding out a hand. The creature snuffled at her hand, and she shook her head, concealing a smile. “I don’t believe you should take any of that,” she advised softly, and straightened, looking at the merchant and his customers. “Does this creature belong to any of you?”

Some small consternation ensued, and the merchant shook his head. “Belongs to one of the ladies, I’d say. Fashionable, but you won’t catch me with something that eats my dreams. I’m still chasing them, see?”

Rioka nodded, and scooped the tiny tapir up into her arms. “I take it you've no objections, then.”

The merchant shook his head, then changed his mind, sensing opportunity. “You don’t know what you’ve got- it’s worth a fortune-”

Rioka inclined her head. “Please apply to the Guild for reparation,” she advised- she carried no gil of her own, after all- and took the tapir with her, leaving the merchant cross behind her. It seemed happy enough, and she hoped that perhaps it would be of some comfort to her adventurer. If it ate dreams, then perhaps it would eat nightmares too.

---

Character: K'pandolu Tokha
World: Cactuar
Prize: Mandragora Choker

[CrystalRanger]

The sprawling great hall of the Retainer Guild was buzzing. In a luxuriously decorated cavern deep beneath Eorzea's forests, plains and rolling hills, imps from every corner of the realm were making merry. It had been almost five years since the Syndicate of the Void had hit upon the idea to take advantage of the rise of adventuring from the ashes of the calamity in what was to become the most audacious scheme to grace Eorzean shores since the Allagan dragon meat scandal of the Third Astral Era.

Through their manipulation of Eorzean markets and the trade in Ventures, sold to Grand Companies at inflated prices, in only a few years the Voidsent had built the wealthiest city state in the Realm, one completely unknown to the surface-dwelling Spoken. No one had questioned how the Retainer network was able to locate new, eager retainers who so precisely matched the preferences of the adventurer seeking their services at a moment's notice. And the matter of retainers appearing to be everywhere at once had seemingly gone unnoticed. As long as the Spoken were gifted with the occasional worthless trinket, the money kept flowing and the imps thrived.

At one end of the seemingly endless hall, three imps were comfortable settled on a couch of the finest cloth, enjoying delicacies sourced from across the realm. Their banter was briefly interrupted as a portly imp drifted past them towards the bar.

"Isn't that Valar?" the imp in the middle of the couch remarked. One of his companions nodded sagely.

"Yeah. Poor guy. Apparently the Labyrinth isn't as popular as it once was, so he has to put in some hours here to make ends meet. Talk about a fall from grace."

"I hear he's looking to get into that new... uh... Void Ship?" the third imp added. "Can't really see it myself."

The three imps continued to observe in silence as they worked their way through their Ul'dah platter until a feint chime echoed throughout the hall.

"Third shift. You're up, Gib."

"Ugh, they come around so fast," the imp on the end grumbled as he rose, shook off a few crumbs and floated off towards a doorway.

Gib joined the short queue at the venture counter and soon reached the desk of one of the Master of Ventures.

"Enna. Gridania markets. Here's the profile. Un, what's she brought back recently... hmm... I guess you can take a quill. We have a surplus of those still."

The officer in charge of the ventures was fast and efficient. "Enna" Gib couldn't recall having been Enna before. The appearance looked simple enough.

Taking the quill, Gib glamoured in a flash of light and in his place stood a diminutive Lalafell lass.


Zhera Kurola
Yojimbo
Scarf of Wondrous Wit

[EU_Community_Team]

The entry period has come to a close. Thank you everyone for your fantastic stories!