To be honest, I don't see the point in commending a Tank or Healer over a DPS solely for the role they play. Regardless of how immediately more important their presence is, they're simply doing what they're supposed to do - same as everyone else. Frankly, at least when I receive them as a DPS I can give them slightly more recognition since it's more likely that I left some sort of positive impression on them. Don't get me wrong, I like fast and efficient runs as much as the next person, but I'm not going to "punish" someone more comfortable with smaller pulls or simply having a bad day by not commending them. I'd rather be in a run with someone apologising profusely for constantly losing aggro and allowing a couple of wipes to happen than with an arrogant or obnoxious player(not that I have much experience running into them).
That's why if someone can't so much as say "Hello" and "Goodbye" during a run then there's an incredibly low chance that I'll commend them. Silent players that can't distinguish themselves from bots don't really inspire "I'd look forward to playing with you again" feelings, no matter how good they are. Tanking and healing may have more responsibility in most cases, but in my eyes, that's what I and everyone else signed up for. I don't feel I deserve commendations any more than a DPS, particularly so if they make more of an effort to be friendly or helpful.
As for Tanks being the party 'leaders', I suppose I can understand that to an extent, albeit I think I lack leadership traits to be honest. I'll happily explain even a very basic fight in very thorough detail if someone likes(since I am not a fan of "dodge stuff, stay away from edges" summaries) but other than that I pretty much adapt toward the party's convenience. Do you have a preference for MT/OT? Sure, take whatever. Are mechanics forcing you in one direction? I'll turn the boss to save you the bother of running even further. I admit there are some ways I prefer things to be done and I might silently wish the party would adhere to that, but I usually don't feel comfortable asking them to do things that aren't very necessary. Take Limit Breaking for example; I have a bit of a pet peeve with people who don't bother using it anywhere but on the final boss but I won't ask anyone to use it(unless I am queued with a friend), nor will I mark enemies that can be a bit more annoying or require attention, such as bees, since somehow I find that marking enemies can be patronizing... which I guess is another pet peeve, haha.
I don't know.... I just guess that if it's not important then I don't want to go around telling people what to do or how to play uninvited, not that I necessarily mind it myself.



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