How does our duo experience end up differing so radically from the guy who soloed lancer to 10 on leves last night
If you mean me, I didn't solo on leves.

I know how the marketplace works, you don't. SE should be making tutorial to help you there. Selling shards and crystals is good source of income. Doing the first set of missions too.

Lodestone has all the new recipes. Those should be in-game too, but aren't.

The game misleading you is true. Leves are worth it at level 10 (for money), not at level 1. That should be addressed.

Lots of things unrelated to 1.19 changes are needed to make the game more user-friendly.