Social Anxiety and Dungeons

[matzoballed]

I'm on the autism spectrum, and I have a lot of issues with social anxiety - someone suggested joining an MMO as a way to build up my confidence etc

I've been playing for a few months, and this is my first MMO. I leveled up to 41 as an arcanist then tried to go into Stone Vigil. Every time I tried I got kicked before we even started. I got so much abuse, even got threatened with being doxxed. Since then I've done everything I can to avoid dungeons.

Now I am a white mage at lvl 41.

I tried Stone Vigil twice yesterday - my first time back in dungeons for a month - got abuse for not healing quickly enough or dodging attacks - then got kicked when I said it's my first MMO.

It's freaked me out and I am scared I'm going to get everyone wiped.

I'd appreciate any help or advice - I love this game and I don't want to have to give it up.

[m3eansean]

Are you in an FC or do you know anyone who will help you out with these dungeons. It sounds like you have been avoiding dungeons a bit and as a result, might be a tad rusty when it comes to working as a group and knowing what others will expect of you in party play.

You could have just two bad experiences in a row as a freak occurence too, since most wont kick you right away from the start as a DPS, unless you either had really low level gear, or if you didnt have your soul stone or something like that.

Healer is a pretty visible class, just like tank, so mistakes will be noticed more prominently when you play those classes. If you are trying to build up confidence, maybe a dps might be a bit better until you are more comfortable, but play what you like really.

Just need a kinda thick skin in the world of MMO's since a lot of your party members tend to forget you are a human being behind the keyboard are are very concerned with their own personal progression.

[matzoballed]

I've avoided FC's for the same reason - I joined one when I first started (wasn't even at level 5 at that point), and got freaked out because I was being asked to farm dungeons and had no idea what I was doing.

I think you're right in that I'm rusty! I know I need to push through this but I keep freaking out.

[SayuriHime]

Oh sweetie! I am sorry for your bad experiences! People in duty finder groups are renowned for not being the most pleasant to be around. Once you become confident in your abilities and know the dungeons. they won't scare you anymore but you have to get to that point. Finding a good FC is step one for sure! If you were on my server, I would take you in and help you learn the dungeons myself!

Also, report people for harassment and kicking you from dungeons like that! It is against the rules of the game!

[AskaRay]

Heya

I'll run some dungeons with you I see you'er on Lich anyway. You can contact me in game... I'm not sure how long you'll be on but I'll be on in about an hour, I have an errand to run.

[matzoballed]

I'm about to hit the hay, but if you're about tomorrow can I give you a shout?

[Caraway]

Unfortunately some folks can be horrible, and because the horrible ones are also the loudest they're the ones you hear most about. There are some great people out there who genuinely like to help.

If you were on Balmung I'd happily offer an invitation to our budding little FC but I wish you the best of luck on Lich! My suggestion is to look for an FC with a focus on Casual and Leveling play, who no markers in PVP or Hardcore; those two tend to bring out the more aggressive, focused individuals which might not be of as much help to you starting out.

[AskaRay]

That's fine, I should be on tomorrow a few hours before right now.

[Seryl199]

Hey there, sorry you had rough experiences. The DF is a dice roll when it comes to quality of character, there are anonymous jerks that are mean for the sake of it knowing that the chances of running into you again are slim to none. It's a shame it happens, but it's a rare occurence. A lot of players are helpful and compassionate, or at the very least politely quiet, don't let a few bad apples get you down.

Have you tried healing dungeons before Stone Vigil? Stone Vigil is a pretty healing intensive dungeon that may catch you off guard if you're inexperienced, there are hard hitting patrol mobs, potent poison DoT's, enemies with high magic attack, and the bosses, especially the last one, put out fair levels of damage. If you don't have much experience, spend some time in lower level dungeons honing your skills, or you could spend some time in dungeons that are a little more taxing, such as Brayflox's Longstop or Cutter's Cry. Reaching out to a friendly, casual FC might go a ways toward improving your experience too, look for others that are more interested in friendly play rather than cutting edge players. Having a familiar face or someone to joke with can improve your dungeon forays, even if things go south.

[Buff_Archer]

Also I noticed the initial post mentioned Arcanist... I would make sure to use Summoner as DPS class, which is the evolution of Arcanist at level 30. Also you can get both Summoner and Scholar (healer) from Arcanist so if you haven't tried that you might like it better than WHM. Most of us have had toxic people mistreat us in dungeons so the way I see it, it's not about us being deserving of such, it's about them being rotten people and of it's any consolation they're probably just as miserable in real life as in the game. I'm leveling WHM at 48 currently, and one thing I discovered is the N Thanalan area is full of fate parties with no one but tanks/healers- what this tells me is there are a lot of people who have had bad experiences in dungeons > lvl 40 and who don't want to bother with them again. I know that doesn't help in terms of first time clear, but if you look at it this way, this just means you're in the same club as many of us and I certainly have no reason to feel bad about the presence of toxic people in the game.

By the way, rage quitting can be thearuputic... you can say something like "Good luck finding another healer who will put up with your BS sometimes soon." And then you can run side quests, level other classes in open world, whatever while they stand there waiting or while they sit through a new DPS queue."