Not sure if your question was actually answered but I shall try.
Level-ing up
In xi, killing monsters was one of the only ways to get experience points for a long time - there was no quest exp. So players typically party up and kill monsters. Solo was not made possible until many many years later so a party was essential.
Exp Party
A party consisted of 6 players. A generic party would have 1 tank, 1 healer, a support and 3 damage dealers (DPS).
Generally, the party would travel to a an area with the monsters of the appropriate level and can give decent exp per kill and camp at a safe spot. Thereafter, a party member would head out, look for a monster and pull it back to the camp where the party will proceed to slaughter it for experience points, and then it gets rinsed and repeated for a few hours.
Everything takes place in the open world and there was no queuing up for dungeons etc - party-forming is done at the towns or through player search (you have the option of looking for all tanks who are between level 40 to 42, for example).
Roles and jobs
As there was no queue-ing and party formation was based on players' discretion, you could technically go with whatever jobs you fancy. Due to the shortage of certain classes at times, people also got creative with what they could do with different classes - hence the 'flexibility'.
For example, ninjas were designed to deal damage but they had a particular ninjutsu that allowed them to create shadows which was capable for absorbing attacks - players go creative with this and made ninja into a tank specialising at taking 0 damage. ANother example was summonses in its early days - summonses had a lot of mp and their summons weren't very impressive - so players made summonses equip white mage healing spells and go as healers.
However, traditional roles were still in place where jobs like paladin and warrior were designed to tank, and classes like ranger and dark knight were designed to deal damage and jobs like bard and red mage were designed to support.
Anyone can DPS?
Jobs were introduced without the development team really knowing what it was meant to do. Many jobs were given both tanking and DPS ability/utilities.
For example, Samurai was introduced and designed to tank but at the same time was given damage dealing capacity. Overtime, players decided to play it as a DPS more than a tank and the development team followed suit. Similarly, warrior was designed to be a tank but mid-game/end-game it did not have sufficient tanking qualities compared to PLD to warrant its place as the most effective tank, so players were using it as a DPS more often than not.
Furthermore, xi combat was heavily reliant on auto-attacks, which generated a resources for the player to perform a much more powerful weaponskill (think limit break system in ffxiv, except that it fills up faster) and powerful weapon skills were crucial to the damage output of the parties.
HOWEVER, they were not native to jobs but to weapons. This means that if you were a warrior using sword, you had access to sword weapon skills; if you were a warrior using axe, you had axe weapon skills. Furthermore, higher level weapon skills were arguably equally powerful. This means that even if you were a white mage, if you had access to a really powerful weaponskill, you could still dish out a respectable number.
Also, ffxi was not linear progression - there are unique items in the game that had very special qualities. For example, a weapon called kraken club allowed players to attack up to 8 times per swing, making it possible for white mage to be be quite good at dealing damage too.
Anyone can tank?
Yes and no. Tanking entails 2 elements: damage mitigation and hate management. While many classes could deal with damage mitigation, haste management might be an issue. But lets put hate management aside and think about damage mitigation, yes many non-tank classes could do it.
For example, red mage and blue mage had spells that massive increase their defences, plus they could use stoneskin - this means that they were capable of taking very little damages. Also, when things get nasty, you could run away, sleep/bind the monster and use the time to recover. Meanwhile, they could also use the ninjutsu shadow thing mentioned above to absorb damage.
Anyone can heal?
Not really. Healing was almost the exclusive domain of white mage, red mage and later on dancer (not sure about scholar).
Unconventional parties
In xi, since there was no queuing etc, people could form parties with unconventional set ups.
For example, you could form a party of 5 black magi and a bard - the bard could pull the monster to the camp, the black magi would sleep the monster, then focus fire their most power spell on the monster, then sleep it again, then focus fire on it again. In fact, players had done an entire raid with only black magi - 18 black magi (3 parties of 6) focus firing their spells at the same time and it worked.
Another example was monk party - as blunt damage was super effective on skeletons and monk fists were blunt damage, you could have a full party of monks with a healer and burn through skeletons easily.
On hindsight?
As everyone else said, it was a different game - more refined in some areas but less so in others but ffxiv is certainly more deliberated, organised and planned whereas ffxi was more spontaneous.

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