Social Anxiety and Dungeons

[Phileas]

Wow you guys are just awesome

So much great advice I can actually use! I've been practising healing in lower level dungeons, and researching game mechanics so this will all help big time

ShaneDawn, I'll definitely be in touch

Healing can be stressful and predominantly a reactionary kinda job. Preparation, videos and everything can play a huge part in alleviating the anxiety of the unknown. Keep practicing and you will understand when certain mechanics happen and what to do. ppl can be assholes and you need a thick skin which is really hard but remember not to take anything personally and above all have fun!

[Naria]

Your most import stat is your weapon damage. This one will make the biggest difference in the strength of your cures, so always get the best weapon you have time for/can afford. Another good way to get gear is from your Grand Company. You can purchase gear using grand company seals. As a healer your "primary stat" is Mind. If it doesn't have Mind on it, it is not for you.

A way to help take some of the pressure off on whm is to use Regen on the tank early in the pull. You want to wait a second or three after the tank has claimed/turned all the mobs names red. If you use regen too soon you might pull hate. You don't want to use regen too late in a pull (i.e. when only one mob is up) as you want it to finish before the next pull. The reason for this is you as the caster you get a small amount of hate every time regen ticks which can cause a tug of war between you and the tank if it is on them before they have time to establish hate. Pairing Regen with Divine Seal is great also for a bit of extra breathing room.

Another helpful trick is to try to keep Stoneskin on the tank before a pull. The trick for this is to start casting stoneskin on the tank when the last mob from the previous pull is around 10%-20% health. This will also give you a bit of breathing room at the start of a pull. Try to keep stoneskin up on yourself and other party members at the start of fights whenever possible.

Your priority in healing for light parties should be Yourself>Tank>Everyone else. If you have to let a dps die in order to keep you or the tank alive, then they can just deal. That said don't worry about keeping everyone at 100% health all the time. If you or a DPS take only bit of damage then just use regen and let it do the work for you. Most of the time, you will be healing the tank.

If three or more party members have taken a troublesome amount of damage, use Medica. Medica produces a hate spike, however, so don't spam it (cast several times in a row) unless it is really necessary.

Shroud of Saints is awesome! If a mob trys to eat you, use it! (You can also just run the mob back towards the tank.) If you are your max mp -1000 and still have mobs to fight, use it!

Some useful cross class skills for whm are:
Eye for an Eye from Arcanist (this is great for the tank when they are tanking several mobs, I'll use it right after regen)
Virus also from Arcanist (good for bosses and big damage moves) and
Swiftcast from Thaumaturge (a must for Raise, but also useful for "oh shit" cures and medicas)
You don't need to have all of these now, but post Praetorium at level 50 groups will expect to you have Swiftcast.

Don't worry about damaging mobs or "stance dancing" (using Cleric's stance) right now. Wait until you are more confident with pure healing before tackling that.

One thing that helped me a lot was moving the party list closer to the center of the screen, to the side of the hotbars, so I could keep an eye on people's health bars and the field at the same time.

You might also want to check out the healer forums as there are lots of good threads for tips and tricks, as well as plently of healers to answer any specific questions you may have. New Player Help is also active and great for any general questions you many have about the game. To find a FC or LS that is suited to you, you might try posting on Lich's forums. Gamerescape is also a good for general info about the game as well as MMO terminology.

Good luck and keep at it!

[CorbinDallas]

Hi there! I'm a social anxiety sufferer myself and I know how you feel when it comes to situations like this, but what you should realise is that these bad experiences are few and far between. In 100 dungeons, you'll have way more positive, friendly groups, than mean, kick abusing groups.

What helped me is joining a friendly, social FC, who make it a priority to keep members happy, free from abuse, and most of all to have fun!

Shameless plug, but since you're on Lich, give Serenity a look.

http://forum.square-enix.com/ffxiv/forum.php#threads/159926

In all my years of playing many MMOs, I've never come across a more approachable, laid back group of people. I've only been a membe since February, and to my knowledge, we've only had one person be kicked out, and that was because they violated our no bullying/threatening policy.

There's no obligation to speak up and be sociable, just take your time, and there are always people around to help with anything you could need. Very newbie friendly.

[matzoballed]

Just applied Do I need a multipass? ;P

[Eloah]

I'm sorry to hear about all of the troubles you've been having. I have social anxiety too, and when I started this game it was coupled with depression, yay? I started as a WHM too, but now I Scholar, and since this is my first MMO as well, I knew nothing. The people I met, when I first started, were just not nice, they expected me to know stuff that I didn't or wouldn't know, it was disheartening, but I stuck with it. Now I'm with my new FC, I even rose in the ranks to become second in command, yay, and I have friends who want to play with me, and even ask me if I would ever consider joining their FCs. It's good to feel wanted.

This game has helped me become both knowledgable and tolerant, not that I wasn't before. But I always try to help when I can, and share the knowledge I do have. I've had plenty of times where I'll enter a dungeon and someone will apologize for being new. The first thing I tell them is it's okay "everyone" has to have a first time. And unsurprisingly, there are no complaints, since I think it reminds the other players they were new too at some point.

While social anxiety can be crippling, it can also be a strength. Because its something you deal with throughout your life, and never really goes away, it can actually make you a better person. You're new now, but when you become an experienced player and you run into that new player who is unsure of themselves, you'll know exactly how to make them feel better. No one really knows what challenges the people across the screen face, but it's nice knowing that you could be the person to brighten their day just a bit.

So just remember to stick with it. Things might be a bit of a struggle now but with a little time, patience, and some helpful FC mates, you can become great. I mean, look how Leeloo started and she kicked ass, lol.

[Tajdusark]

Another one with social anxiety here! Bit by bit I have worked on that with the help of MMOs, mostly FFXIV, and through where I work. It's slowly getting better and I can really see the progress that I have made in the past five years.

I haven't healed yet and want to do that later down the road (I think you are really brave to do that as your first role in an MMO. Kudos to that!), but playing as a DPS I can relax, help the mood of the party and learn everything bit by bit. I mostly use the duty finder and yes, there are quite a few bad eggs that will shout and be mean, but I can assure you that most people are wonderful. For every bad egg I find I have already met at least ten people that didn't treat me bad.

Of course the bad eggs will always be bad eggs, there is no getting around that, and on a bad day they still get to me. Hopefully we can drown out their negativity together. I also hope you can get over this bump so you can really enjoy the game. It is totally worth it.

[Geist]

To the OP: don't be discouraged. You're going to meet a lot of pleasant, mature and helpful people all over Eorzea.
The nastiness tends to be more obvious on Duty because it is a smaller, more contained environment. Do your best to power through, courtesy and honesty will get you places.

Be willing to give "difficult" people a chance, within the bounds of reason. Sometimes, it is just a particularly bad day. However, don't be afraid to stand your ground against those who're actively out to hurt others (and do always, always report instances of harassment).

Best of luck!

[Pballard]

That's awful, and I know how you feel. When I first started, I would get so nervous or anxious when I messed up and people said mean things. The thing you have to keep in mind is that this is a game, and you pay to play it because you really enjoy it. Who cares what these people say? Also, for every jerk there are a TON of nice people I have met and enjoy playing with and some I even talk to outside the game. Find an FC that works for you, too, because FC teammates tend to run stuff together.

[matzoballed]

Thanks so much guys - I've had a chance to just chill and I've now joined Serenity on Lich They really are lovely and are letting me settle in so I can build up my confidence to start hitting those dungeons again