Not a bad video. And even though you've been here since January 2015, I don't think it's too late to say a really late "Welcome to FFXIV." ^_^
For feedback, I would take a look at Mizzteg (MTQcapture on Youtube) and Mr. Happy's (Mrhappy1227 on Youtube) videos as they are the 2 most popular video guide creators for dungeons, trials, raids, plus other FFXIV related vids, etc. I'm not telling you to make videos like them, as you are your own personality and bring your own flavor to things. In example, MrHappy tends to post longer videos that are more detailed and drawn out, while Mizzteg tends to post shorter and to the point videos and she throws in some witty humor throughout, though not every guide has humor thrown in, but the majority do. There are many more video guide creators, but they are the two most popular. I simply mean if you really want a model to give you perspective compared to your own, then those two come to mind. I didn't see anything wrong with your video, but since you're asking I figured I would post something in case you want to see what makes them so popular. Their videos are typically the ones linked to on one of the game's popular wikis: http://ffxiv.consolegameswiki.com/wiki/Dungeons
Mizzteg' GEX video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXExe9zt-gI
Mr. Happy's GEX video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bg-QNAIRTzI
If you click their name under the videos, and then click the videos tab on their Youtube to show a list of their videos, you can get an idea of the kinds of videos they make for the game. Mr. Happy in particular makes a lot of FFXIV vids of all different kinds, rather than just video guides. Like he'll post videos about any FFXIV news, and even some Let's Play FFXIV stuff, and other FFXIV related vids. He also makes some non-FFXIV vids, but most of the vids on his channel are dedicated to FFXIV.