You can search ff14 arr enimity on google, and you will get bunch of information about how much enmity each of your skill generate. But if dps has a lot better gear than you like 10 ilv, you can't do anything about it unless you notice them you are new please be careful with enmity (most players don't play tank, they do not understand enmity multiplier either), you can make a macro on these information, and just click the button on your controller. After you get used to know your best skill rotations, and enmity knowledge, there wouldn't be any problem for you to hold enmity even when there's some ilv difference. And experienced players prefer to give advice if you ask for it. They don't anymore because a lot people see advice as harass, they normally reply you as "Don't tell me how to play my job."