As a tank I usually have the habit of checking other players gear, after that if the DPS have potential I ask the healer if he's ok with big pulls and I do a "test" pull. If we pass it then we can move on normally otherwise I switch to small pulls. If a DPS doesn't agree they can leave or vote kick me, I prefer not to argue for no reason. In the CT case, I refuse to go there as tank anymore. It's frustrating when someone with an atma/zenith weap keeps using provoke and failing or people with AF gear that want to MT and end up dying. Many tanks I met either have the "God complex" or are like props from the cut-scenes, rarely I find someone that can put the raid success before his ego. On the DPS side luckly I haven't met many that care more about their parser than the clear. But when I do, I try to remember them that the party came there with a goal and that they can go hit the training dummies if they don't agree.