What would happen with a parser *start dream sequence*

Scenario1
Tank: Hey, why did we wipe?
Healer: We hit the enrage timer, let's look at the parser... Wow, Monk nice work, you did 400 dps! Oh man, Bard, you only 180 dps, what happened?
Bard: I'm casual, I'm doing everything I want to do.
Tank: Do you want some tips, or do you think you could work a little harder so that we could win?
Bard: Nah, I'm a casual player and don't want to learn that stuff.
A Vote Dismiss has been initiated on Bard<----------THIS IS REASONABLE

Scenario2:
Tank: Man, Bard, we looked at your parse last time and it was low, asked you to do more and we still died to the enrage because you aren't pulling your weight, what's going on?
Bard: I'm trying my best! I just don't have the knowledge to put up that much dps!
Tank: Well, we're gonna kick ya, see you when you can improve those numbers!
Bard: Dangit, OK, later on guys.<----------THIS IS ALSO REASONABLE

Now, Current Situation
Tank: Why aren't we meeting this dps check?
NIN: I'm doing awesome dude, I don't know
MNK: I lead my coil group in dps
BRD: I'm also amazing, I have never gotten an indication otherwise
BLM: Killin' it over here, boss!
Tank: Well, one or all of you is failing.
Healer: I think it was the BLM
BLM: No I was using quelling so my enmity was now, but I'm pumping out dps.
MNK: I'm pretty sure its this BRD
BRD: Screw you guys! I'm casual but I KNOW I'm doing things right, I was able to pass all my story missions!
Tank: Welp, we have no way of knowing, so.... rage quit!!!
Healer: Rage quit!
MNK: Riot Riot!
BLM: YOU ALL SUCKORZ
NIN: I farted.
^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS SUCKS

Not only because instead of kicking 1 member you had to remove everyone from the duty so everyone has to requeue or break up the party or whatever, but BRD goes to his FC?:

BRD: That group sucked, they couldn't do good DPS so they blamed me!
FC1: No way man, you're awesome!
FC2: You are cool, man, don't let it get to you!
FC3: Keep doing what you are doing!
FC4: I farted.
BRD: Ah ok, I'm just gonna keep doing whatever I want. Time to ruin another group!!! heh heh heh....