Depending on the situation, a BLM shouldn't really need to use Quelling Strikes unless it's during a massive AoE pull with a tank they don't know (i.e. DF tanks). Any tank worth their salt can hold hate even with the most trigger- and proc-happy BLMs in their party. In fact, good BLMs should be already pre-casting before the tank uses their enmity pull move. As a tank, I like playing with BLMs as they test my ability to hold aggro against them. Each time a pack is downed and I held onto all the mobs for the full duration of that battle it means I was doing something right, and to keep doing that.

On the other hand, I do agree that BLMs need to gauge each scenario on a case-by-case basis. If the tank is having trouble, they have to adjust or slow down (worst-case scenario). If the tank is still having troubles, that is on them and not the BLMs. In the end, both roles have to work together for the good of the party.